Suzila A ..... Just being ME here .....

10.12.2001 - 10.12.2011

2011-12-10T22:40:00.003+08:00

I've been away for too long now but today is an exception. Gotta blog about our 10th anniversary tonight.

Alhamdulillah. We're still strong now. Hope to see another 10 years of us together InsyaAllah.

No special treatment today as DH was out working till 7pm. I am under the weather too so not in the mood to celebrate really. I spent most of the day in bed, feeling queasy all day. It's worse today after a few days. Friends are already congratulating me on Fb, hoping that Suzila's junior is on the way. Even DH was asking the same question. Well, it's still early to answer that coz my period is in the next 10 days at least. InsyaAllah. May the best be for us both, aamiiin.

Happy anniversary to you sayang. I wanted to write longer but can't think straight right now. I guess the cold night wind outside the house has gotten into me now. I know, I know. I should've listened to you. What do you expect. It's full eclipse tonight. Everybody is busy talking about it and you know me too well to just ignore that right!

Anyway, he did say, "Ain't our anniversary special tonight?"

He may be the least romantic husband there ever is around but once he opens that mouth of his, he always melts my heart.

I love you sayang!!

The day Ramadhan cries

2011-08-30T06:42:00.005+08:00

It's almost 7am now on 29th Ramadhan 1432H. It's been raining since before 6am today. I can't get back to sleep after sahur. In fact, I woke hubby up an hour earlier than our usual sahur time. I cooked some noodles for us at 1am coz he requested for indomie. I thought, why not cooking him noodles instead.

Well, he chose to have some McD's he bought in Miri yesterday for sahur. His tummy aches since 4 days ago and he has been very selective of food he takes - which ironically, some fast food and indomie are in his wish list. I told him to have him checked at the clinic but he refused to do so. He said he hated seeing doctors especially now. I say, it's his kiddy side talking. He chose to go to work instead and spend hours in the loo every day.

But the heavy rain is a big help today. It makes him stay in bed! He even asked me whether he should go to work or not. Of course I said he shouldn't. I used the heavy rain as an excuse, which he listened. If my charm had gone rusty, I'd use any tricks there are to keep him in bed with that condition!

So, he's sound asleep now, while here I am blogging as I can't get back to sleep since sahur. My eyes are heavy but the brain just refuses to sleep. So the brain wanders...

I think it rained this heavy last year on this very day. The year before too. And the year before that. People say, end of Ramadhan always rains showing that the spirits of the dead are crying as they have to leave families and friends behind. They cry because they have to wait another year to pay visits to the living. They cry because they want to stay longer, and never return to where they belong. They cry because of the sadness they can't bear inside. What say you?

I say, Ramadhan is sad leaving us. And I believe Ramadhan is sad when people play fireworks every night. It must feel like he is unwanted. I believe Ramadhan is sad when the radio is playing Raya songs as early as 7th day of fasting. Also sad when people are busy making kuehs and cakes for Raya instead of embracing him at all times.

I say, Ramadhan is sad witnessing certain people choose to stay home than spending time at the masjids. Or choose to sleep all day than waking up reciting those holy verses. Or stay awake during the nights performing Tarawikhs and Witr. I say, some of us forget to do our best in Ramadhan. These, among other things, make Ramadhan cry.

And I think Ramadhan is unhappy because I have not spent much time with him this year. I think I will forget him tomorrow but Ramadhan will come and see me again next year, if Allah wills it. I hope Allah wills it..

Ramadhan is crying still now. Now I am sad. My heart breaks letting him go, every time. And it's always too late to realise it...

The one with precious moments spent

2011-08-29T22:00:00.009+08:00

After we dined out yesterday, we went to Qlap. Our main intention was to look for this cat, whose picture had been put up in facebook. The cat named Tina could be seen on a counter of an electronic shop somewhere in Qlap. So to see her, we went into every electronic shop there, but we didn't get a sight of her. Instead, we got interested in a few electronic items sold. They were so cheap that we were tempted to buy one or two. But then, having no home of our own, we thought, buying them could wait. Now we have some ideas on what to get for our home one day, and at what price.

Who wouldn't want to see her. Look at that face!! (picture taken from a colleague's Fb album)

Speaking of home, I haven't really submitted nor filled in the application form for a housing for us. But when he mentioned that we need one soon, I thought, maybe it's time to apply for one.

So I said, "What if we get pregnant and have a baby, say.. next year? Who will look after the house?"

He said, "That's not a problem. We will just stay there. Not go nowhere. Easy!"

I said, "How can that be easy? I would have my mom helping me with the baby."

Then he said, "Easy peasy. I will call Nanny Mc Phee."

Sighhh! If only us women could think that worry-less huh. Sometimes I wonder how men could be so stress free, when we women wonder about even very little things.

Anyway, so I will fill in that form when I'm back to work next week insyaAllah. We shall start saving up coz it'll take 6 months to a year to get a house nowadays. By the time we get it, I hope we manage to keep a few $Ks so we can buy some furniture for the house. I don't worry much about kitchen wares and utensils. We got lots of wedding gifts that could fill up the kitchen. China sets, cooking utensils, toasters, tupperware sets, chopping knives, you name it. Alhamdulillah for that :))

Then hubby led me into this shop selling baby stuff and toys. I got so excited looking for toys for my nephew that I bought him a set. Little that I knew that hubby was counting the price for stuff needed for a baby instead. I say, awww... My heart melted right then.

He said, "Look at these. These are all we gotta buy when we get pregnant. That's a lot.."

I saw concerns in his eyes. I know he is worried about our preparation if we ever get pregnant. He said once that he wanted the best for our kid, not even a lil bit of lacks material wise, as well as his education. I know how he feels. I worry the same. We are no rich couple who has thousands of dollars in our pockets. But seeing him started counting his budget last night, that made me feel that he's going to be the best dad in the world :'))

My nephew: Muhammad Aqeel Fa'eeq, at 10 months, posing with his Baby Boo counting book :)Something I bought for Baby Fa'eeq. He loves music and gadgets. So I thought, he'd love these toys :))

The yummy sungkai

2011-08-29T20:39:00.008+08:00

Hubby texted me through Facebook inbox yesterday saying he had booked us seats for sungkai out at Capers. It would be out first sungkai out this year as husband and wife. Last time with the in-laws didn't count. We weren't alone. Heheh ;p

We always love eating out at Capers. We love the food. We love the place. The smell... Pheww~ ;) But most importantly, we love the all-you-can-eat idea! For only $14.80 per head, and ordering as many food as we wish, who wouldn't love to go there! I mean, sungkai buffet prices have gone bonkers the past years. It's like $9.00 per head the cheapest now? Yet the dishes were just simple, a so-so taste. And the queueing takes forever to the buffet dishes. Too crowded too. So Capers it was.

We ordered 5 dishes. Apart from that, hubby took a few slices of pepperoni pizza from the buffet booth, which served 4 different kinds of pasta. At another booth, there were cakes and snacks. Just awesome! We were just too happy yesterday lol~ And I finally had my pasta carbonara yesterday, after weeks for craving. Alhamdulillah :))

Us :))

Today, I was hubby-less during iftar. He was in Miri with his friend. He said he would have McDonald's for sungkai. Since hubby was not around, so I cooked "mee basah seafood". He doesn't eat seafood. He's allergic. Kesian.

My first attempt was a success, yeay! My family loved it and my sister even thought it was mom who cooked it. I mean, that WAS a compliment! My mom is the best cook in the world what! ;p

The fried noodles

The seafood soup

Mee basah seafood. Yummy!! ;))

The passing days

2011-08-28T06:37:00.007+08:00

The day after tomorrow shall be the sighting of Syawal. Ramadhan so far has gone by quickly. I personally haven't done much to grasp the holy weeks that I passed by. Regrets are all I ever feel and forever will as I had let those precious moments passed me by without appreciating and humbling my self to Him. I, of all servants, will not forgive my self!

Alhamdulillah. Ramadhan has been kind to all I must say. Yesterday, an ex student converted to Islam. He invited me through Facebook to his ceremony in the Religious Affairs Centre but I could not make it as hubby is using my car to work. His is at the workshop at the moment. The day before, my family held a tahlil and break the fast event at our home in Lambak. Alhamdulillah, all went smoothly. I started cooking simple kuehs as early as 10am and by 5pm, I was ready in my black jubah. It's nice seeing familiar faces gathering at our place.

Vege springrolls

Begedil

Alhamdulillah too hubby is at his best fasting. Only a day break this year compared to the previous one. His job under the hot sun has always been demanding and so, this sometimes requires him to break his fast. I always tell him off saying, "Fast today or have it any way on other normal day. It's your choice but I will make you pay every day that you break!" Alhamdulillah, he listens. I have to be mean to make him better. I am certain that there's a reason why God makes me his wife. And I shall try be a good one for him.

Every sahur is a pain this year. A small fight is inevitable on each day. Hubby is a heavy sleeper. Again, his demanding job is to blame; it drains his energy out six days a week. Hence, waking him up for sahur is the hardest trial for me as a wife. Many times I failed making him stand on his feet, nor did I make them eyes open to wake. At the same time, I refuse to bring that plate of sahur meal for him in bed. I refuse to make it a habit. I must train him, and my self. He must wake up, or no sahur for him at all.

But at times, I failed too to make my self listen. The dutiful side of me as a wife sometimes forges me to feed him in bed. I worry about his lack of energy at work the next day. Yet today, another test tickled me.

"When did you put this plate in my hands?", he asked.

I shook my head and replied, "You scolded me a moment ago for being too pushy and now you ask me that?!"

He chuckled and said, "I did? What I said?"

I shut him up by asking him to finish up his food. It was 10 minutes left to dawn.

I tell my self it's only my first year. But I also tell my self that in many years to come, I shall make better months of Ramadhan for us both. An almost a cup full of him fasting is one accomplishment I should be proud of this year.

Next year, I shall be meaner, and better. For him. And for us. Aamiiin...

The break

2011-08-23T15:21:00.003+08:00

Today marked the second day I spent my whole day either sleeping, or you-tubeing. Facebook is unattractive too lately. All I want to do is, rest. And enjoying every bit of the break like there is no more breaks tomorrow.

2011 workwise has been tiring. I get exhausted easily. Get angry and emotional quickly too. Pressure is at its peak like all the time. Maybe that's why I have gone sick for three times this year. Give it a month or two, then I will fill in that sick leave form again. It's just not healthy. I am not happy at work this year. I am just emotionally tired.

I guess I have to, need to keep my self out of the discipline affairs. I hope I can do that next year. I wanted to do so this year but as I was hoping too much for the Masters study leave, so I told my self, why not get on with it another year. Now that study leave seems rejected, I guess next year is definite that the discipline room should be without me. I must!

I am not happy that my preparing materials time is taken away. My free time is filled with work other than marking. In the end, I end up having empty spaces in my students' marks list, which eventually reflects on me as one "not doing work on time". And I hate that it's true! Maybe I have not done my best completing everything on time. But trust me, time is just what I need.

I don't bring work home. That's been forbidden for almost four years now. Why? Because I personally feel that I deserve all the rest I need after the long hours at work. So do now. Two weeks break, it just does not feel right to be at work and finishing up those incomplete pending workloads. I mean, when else can I rest??

I fell sick just before the break started last week. Yes, again. Good that I feel much better now. See. The off-work moment does help. I feel healthy now!

A few weeks back, I was sent to have my self checked at the clinic. That ended me up sent to the ER for having high blood pressure. I was held up for almost three hours. Eventually, it gone better. It must be the anxious feeling I had before the check up. The next few days, I had the results review of my kidney, blood, sugar, cholesterol, heart, bla bla bla. Alhamdulillah that everything was normal, except my 6.3 cholesterol level. And my blood pressure, it's still borderline but not for the doctor to worry. They set me up for another appointments next January; both with the doctor and dietition. I need to lose weight. Fast!

I've been watching my food intake since then. I've lost 2kg so far. But I'm sure that will be temporary as Eid is coming soon. I have my thoughts on them cakes and meals at open houses! Geez! Losing weight is hard!

Now that I am ok with most everything, I guess losing weight is a must-do soon. As Masters study application is not (seems not) gonna happen next year, I guess my body is ready to conceive. Give it another few months, InsyaAllah, I shall have my own baby bump. Ready or not, I was on alert when the Doctor said that conceiving is possible now. I guess, that's a good sign since I had always been worried about my health and getting pregnant.

InsyaAllah. There shall be good news next year.

My babies' day

2011-06-17T23:11:00.005+08:00

It's hubby's birthday. I didn't get him any cakes or any special treats. He never likes to make it big anyway. He always says that with me around, it is enough gift he could ask for. Ok, that still makes my heart melt :')

And we decided it's Fluffy's birthday too today last year, since we were only told that she was born in June but no particular dates were given. Hubby said, it should fall on his birthday so, Fluffy is two years old today :)

Hubby and Fluffy on their birthday :)
Fluffy enjoying her birthday meal :D

I did buy him a gift way before today. We went to watch a movie at Qlap Cineplex last 31st March. Then there is this corner on the second floor that sells cards. Not just any cards but those that with tricks. Anyway, hubby loves this kind of stuff so when he went to the loo, I bought him two sets of the cards, cost me almost $40. That made him happy. Sometimes, he has that little guy in him. I wonder when he is gonna grow up fully lol~

So his skills have gone better, after days and multiple of practice. Friends and families were left with awe when he managed to pull a trick or two. I always find it funny. His mom always says to me, "Abang is still the same. Never change. Still the little boy of the family."

Hubby and his magic cards. Look at that happy face!

Hubby pulling card tricks to on his sister and dad. Funny moments there lol~

I must say, he is. And I love this man so. May you live happily always sayang :)

The one of those moments

2011-06-04T01:50:00.005+08:00

It's almost 2 a.m. now and I can't sleep yet. Yesterday is still bugging me and it seems the silent treatment isn't working unlike it used to. He did realise the cold treatment I'm sure but the words I am expecting to hear ain't coming out anytime soon now. I know and I've heard it before. Men can be clueless of women's sensitivity. They say things, do things they wish to. And we women, on top of other things, feel upset, sad over those what they call "silly things". For me, women, don't deserve such treatment. Men should be more sensitive. And us women, should be tougher in hearts. So we won't cry over those "silly things" listed in their diaries.

Oh well. Maybe I should just let it be. Afterall, I'm the wife. The one who's written to listen, to serve, to obey. Yet the ego side of me, an old friend of mine who decides to stay, is telling me other wise. Hence, I had forbidden my self from shedding those tears but that didn't last long. His ego is way bigger, higher than mine I suppose. Or he's just playing plain ignorant. I dunno. No words of his have soothen this hurtful feeling I'm having. Or worse, hasn't he realised what he's done??

Ok that's the 'old friend' talking there. I am sure it won't turn bad tomorrow. Or the day after. And the next. I know the 'kiss and make up' moment will happen. I am just sulkingly sad and upset. And it just makes me feel more upset when he just doesn't seem to care.

I should snap out of this coz I sound childish. I hate that feeling. But at the same time, I want to be treated right. I should be. Can't he just do that? And be more sensitive??

I miss him. This no-talking phase must stop!

The day out

2011-06-02T21:53:00.005+08:00

Just got home from a four-hour tattoo show, and another two-hour plus of X-Men movie. But I am not happy anymore. I feel that I should just stay home today. And slept the whole day through.

I feel like crying but I don't think it's necessary. I just feel so sensitive over small matters lately. I just do.

I wanna let it all flow here but the inner side of me says, don't. Which I think I should listen to this time coz I know when I feel better tomorrow, now would feel like nonsense.

Damn it! Get a grip Suzi!

The one that says it all

2011-05-26T22:30:00.005+08:00

I found this song posted by a friend on her Fb wall. I fell in love with it right away. Ease your ears readers. It's a lovely song with very very meaningful lyrics. Simple but sweet.

Garrett Hedlund – Timing Is Everything Lyrics

when the stars line up
and you catch a good break
and people think you're lucky
but you know it’s grace
it can happen so fast
or a little bit late
timing is everything

you know I’ve had close calls
when it could have been me
I was young when I learned just
how fragile life could be
I lost friends of mine
I guess it wasn’t my time
time is everything

and I could have been a child that got took home
and I would have been one more unfinished song
and when it seems a rhyme is hard to find
that’s when one comes along
just in time

when I remember that day
when our eyes first met
you ran into the building to get out of the rain
cuz’ you were soaking wet
and as I held the door
you wanted to know my name
timing is everything

and I could have been another minute late
and you never would have crossed my path that day
and when it seems true love is hard to find
that’s when love comes along
just in time

well you can call it fate
or destiny
sometimes it really
seems like
it’s a mystery
cause you can be hurt by love
or healed by the same
timing is everything
and it can happen so fast
or a little bit late
timing is everything

Garrett Hedlund – Timing Is Everything Lyrics

The "what if we get pregnant" talk

2011-05-26T12:54:00.011+08:00

I didn't have much to do the past two days of my sick leave. Was I enjoying my self? Not so much. Did I do much work? I did none actually. All I did was stay in bed. The tablets are just making me feel sicker, though the flu is receding. Blocked nose though. I had too much sleep that at the end of the day, I feel dizzy the whole day.

Hubby is still working overtime. The first night I was sick, he came home early, like 8pm. Then the next day, he was at the door at 3pm. He didn't say it out loud but I think he's worried about me sick. Him and his no-can't-show-her-how-I-feel mood. Blah! I know you love me sayang!

Before he was home, the sisters-in-law were hinting on again. It's becoming more frequent lately that I find it cute hehe. Amal was even requesting for twins! And Nadia, she was even willing to give us her room so hubby and I could get enough space for a baby cradle. When she told that to mom and dad, they were just too exited to renovate the room for us. I mean, I am not even pregnant yet lol! Ok, I get the hint alright ;)

And so, on the way home from a movie last night, I brought up the topic. Hubby was laughing when I told him the afternoon hinting story lol! Then he moved on saying how his colleagues thought that I was expecting too now that I am on sick leave. Apparently, he was mentioning me to his friends at work, and with that, he left work early because I was sick. He was teased then that we were pregnant! Oh boy. LoL!

I got teased at work too you know. A veteran colleague actually advised me to get preggy soon as I am not getting younger by day. Then despite my excuses, she made herself an example. At almost 55, her youngest son is now still in Year 8. Her fear now was being unable to spend her salary on him now that she is retiring soon. She also regretted how her youth was wasted on waiting for "the right moment" then, now that she was not young anymore to see her youngest child grow up as a man.

When I told this to hubby, he then told me what he thinks of the whole getting-pregnant-now thing. With the teasing from his friends, he actually said to them how having a baby is not as easy as one would think. Yes, having babies is His rezqi. But, we have to think wisely: we have to be prepared; mentally and most important of all, financially. Planning is the best thing to do now that we are not ready 100%.

One, hubby is still working outstation, which requires him to be away from home at least 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. I am, too, busy with work, which requires me to be on duties till late afternoon, almost every day.

Two, again, the hoping for masters degree scholarship excuse. If I get it, and be pregnant or have a baby at the same time, my studying periods will be ... I just can't imagine!

Three, financially, we're good. But not GOOD good, if you know what I mean. We calculated, even B$500 per month is not enough to raise a child nowadays. In the next few years, he/she will go to school and that will cost more - and we plan to send him/her to prestigious school in the first few years of his/her kindergarten years.

Four, it's mostly fear. I think hubby feels it too. Will we be good parents? Will we be able to teach him/her right? Will we be able to protect him/her from anything that causes him/her pain? Will we be good role models to him/her?

There are just too much responsibilities to bear. I know he wants it too, as much as I do. But to be mummy and daddy now, I think we are both not ready yet.

Okay, this is making me sad. I better stop now.

The bad cough and sore throat, again!

2011-05-24T07:15:00.004+08:00

Good day all. It seems that this condition I am in is visiting me every month lately. I am in bed, all parts of my body are aching, I can barely breathe coz of this blocked nose and I can't seem to swallow any food due to this bad cough and sore throat. DH forbids me from going to work today and later, his mom will take me to the clinic.

When I fell sick 4 days ago, DH and I actually suspected a pregnancy as I couldn't take in any food (everything came out if I did) and I also had fever and headache. But now, I am having my period, despite the non-existence of painful waist-down PMS signs. I actually haven't had them the past two months now, NOT that I want them back or anything. It's just that, with their absence, I tend to get confused with the dates and such. And so, no, we're not pregnant. Yet.

I have gained weight (old story) but as much as I want to lose some kgs, it seems that I consume more than I "plan" to. I don't have the time to go hiking now coz my energy is used up at work. The only energy left daily is lifting up those fork and spoon during dinner. Okay, that's an overstatement but you know what I mean. Plus, the weather is just too wet to go anywhere now. So the only option I have now is having those foot patches attached to both my feet every now and then at night. Sometimes I lost a kg or two. Then again, I gained another after heavy breakfast or lunch.

It seems that my masters application is going history now that I heard there are a couple of applicants have been called for interviews, but me. So DH and I thought, having our junior is a tempting option now. Something that we shall get ready with. Thus I need to tone down. Mom said so if I were planning to get pregnant. Being fat and pregnant at the same time is not healthy to the baby and the mother, she said.

I will wait til September. If UBD is not happening, then DH and I will do some serious planning. This time, to conceive!

The what....??

2011-05-17T19:12:00.004+08:00

Hey peeps! How are you lot? Just dropping by here to revive the page. Well, for now though. God knows when will I be able to have the time to do this again. I just feel like talking (well, writing) today.

Work today was okay, compared to the past weeks. The very first morning was very intriguing though. I came into the office and the first thing I saw was a little boy sitting on a chair. He saluted me and I smiled. So I asked one of the colleagues who the kid was. Aziz turned around, and looked back at me. Blankly, saying, "What kid?" And I was like ... Okaaay~~ and made my move to my desk.

Now, why didn't I bother, coz the place I work in has its own mysteries. Haunted ones. There have been "stories" that we had faced multiple times; hysteria, eerie sounds, moving things, bla bla bla. So today, experiencing "another" one was NOT an option.

I looked at the boy. He looked back. No expression. I looked at the others in the office, everybody seemed to be busy with their stuff at their tables. Then Hasanul (yes Aiza, Ejah. YOUR Hasanul) asked me about the 100-hours list. So I walked to him, bringing my file. So the whispering started:

Me: Sanul, you see that kid right?
Sanul: What kid?
Me: THAT kid. At the blue chair..
Sanul: *turned around*
Me: You see him?
Sanul: *clueless, blank expression*
Me: Sanul! NOT FUNNY okay!!
Sanul: What are you talking about? What kid? Are you kidding??
Me: No I'm not!
Sanul: *turned around again* There's nobody there Suzi.. *turned around again* Are you sure...?
Me: Wallahi! He's wearing Baju Melayu!
Sanul: Don't do this ehhh! I got goosebumps now...
Me: Errgh! Sanul... Not funnyyy!!! *left his table*

Then Hasanul followed me back to my desk. He stood in front of me and whispered, "Where is he? Is he behind me??" *His back was facing the kid*. I nodded slowly.

Right then, Hasanul walked to Aziz and whispered something. Aziz looked blanked. The same face expression Hasanul had a few minutes later. There, I told my self, "This can't be happening!!"

I packed my stuff, and headed to the door. "I'm going to class!!" I called out. Before I left, I turned around and faced Hasanul. "NOT funny Sanul if you DO see him!" and I made my move to my class.

In class, I sent a student to get something from my table. When he got back, he brought with him Aziz's message: "The thing you saw was not real." He said he had no idea what it meant. So I interrogated him. Asking him whether the office was empty. He said, other teachers were there.

Then I asked him what he saw at the chair. "I didn't pay attention, teacher."

Then I asked him, "Did you see a kid sitting there?"

"A kid? Yea. I saw a kid."

LOL!! People, I just got punk'd!! LOL!!

When I got back to the office, I laughed harder finding out that they got Faizul, Zir, Aziz, and Hasanul too!

Faizul panicked and urged all to leave the office - the rest laughed when he suggested that and the game was over lol.

Aziz read the Ayat Kursi - everyone joined in and raised their palms up for prayers - he stopped mid way when the kid raised his palms up too. Aziz actually thought the kid was a Muslim ghost! LOL!

When Zir came, she left immediately after "sensing" the ghost kid lol!

Then Hasanul acted as a hero, approaching the boy asking him to leave: "Pulang lah ke asal mu!" (Go back to where you belong!) Hahahahah!!

The funny story spread so quickly that we got the whole staffroom laughing.

Oh man! What a day! Ahahaha!!!

The one with the number and the (repeating) question

2011-04-15T20:39:00.008+08:00

So it's my birthday today, which last night I thought I was gonna turn 33 but actually, 32.. I even did the calculation. Twice!

Anyway, I got like 120 birthday greetings on Fb. I'm thankful for their kind thoughts and prayers. And at the moment too, I am texting with a dear friend, who among others out there, just asked me the "question". And no, I am NOT pregnant the last time I checked.

Hubby and I have actually talked about this and we decided not to have our junior any time this year as I am waiting for an acceptance letter for me to further my studies. Hubby is concerned that if I were accepted, it would be difficult for me to focus on my studies, while at the same time having a baby. My sister-in-law is now taking her Masters Degree and it is indeed hard for her to do her assignments and projects as Baby Aqeel is on breastfeeding. Hubby sees the condition she is in and he thinks that, having our own at the moment is not a good idea. If I did not get the scholarship, then that is a different story all the way :)

Yet, this very matter makes me just wanna record the funniest I encountered so far. So last two weeks, I was sick right that I took two days off coz I lost my voice coz of sore throat. Then when I went back to work, a colleague came and asked how I was feeling. So I said, "Alhamdulillah, better," with my husky voice. Then she had 'that smile' on her face, you know, the one with the 'hidden, curious' meaning. So I gave her 'the look', which she didn't seem to understand coz the next thing she said is, "When will you due?" So I was like, "What??"

You can guess the hassle soon as I said, "No, I'm not pregnant." She insisted on saying, "You're not? Really??" Then came more female colleagues with the same question. One of them even said, "But someone said you ARE!" That baffled me!

People, I was being gossiped!

And so, the rest of the day, I was bombarded with the very same question. And I gave them the same reply. Finally tired of reasoning and all, I just said: "InsyaAllah," with a smile. I guess that would keep them quiet for a while now phew!

But later that day, in the afternoon, a student came to me and said: "So teacher, any baby yet?"

So I guess, rumours DO spread like fire!

The two days rest

2011-04-05T13:16:00.005+08:00

I just got back from the clinic now. I must look a mess that the doc gave me 2 days MC. Now I am sitting at a corner of my house, no aircond & the fans are off. I am beginning to sweat now. Good! I want to get better tomorrow..

I was supposed to attend a sports selection day now but my colleagues forbid me from coming. Alhamdulillah for their understanding.

Now my eyes are heavy. The cough syrup is reacting so quickly... *yaaawn*

The sore throat and bad cough

2011-04-05T09:08:00.004+08:00

I don't go to work today. Something was missing when I woke up this morning: my voice. So DH told me to stay home, have a rest and go to the clinic later today. I texted the admin side, and a few colleagues - I couldn't ring them up - and apologised. It's not typical of me to skip work at a very last minute but with my only weapon missing - my voice - my day today would be pretty much messed up in class, if you know what I mean. So I am getting ready to the clinic now. Good that I don't have headaches so I can assume that my Bp is not high today. Fingers cross!!

I must be lacking sleep and rest. Been a hectic week as I was pretty occupied with my sister's wedding preparations. The night before the nikah, I had to do 6 hantarans for the day, another 2 that very morning. Our morning was spent at an uncle's funeral, who passed away the night before. Later that day, I was running here and there welcoming guests and such. By evening, I was restless. Only yesterday morning that I had the cold and sore throat. And today, it has worsened *sighh*

I hope the weather would be nice to me this week. I still have 3 wedding functions to run :(((

The second generations

2011-03-26T13:18:00.006+08:00

We were away from home for almost a week. We missed the cats so much. I told Nadia, the hubby's sister, to upload the kitties' pictures on Facebook. Here they are. Enjoy! :)

Fluffy's Waffel; named after "Whiny+Fluffy". Logan's looking up, male kitty of Luna
Logan and Lolita, Luna's twins. Named after Luna's initial "L"
Our handsome Logan..
Our pretty Lolita..
The twins are 5 months as of yesterday, 25/03/2011. Sadly, we're letting them go, hopefully we could find cat lovers out there for them..

The one of those nights

2011-03-23T02:02:00.001+08:00

Time's showing just after 2am now. I couldn't sleep. Maybe in the next hour or two I will. This has been next to typical every night since the wedding. Especially when he falls asleep first before me. We talked about this of course when he noticed that I didn't get enough sleep - from all the tantrums and headaches. I pity him sometimes when he would literally wait for me to sleep first before him. But tonight, he didn't coz he's not feeling well. Thanks to the weather. Been raining every night now and very hot and sunny during the day. Hope he will feel a lot better tomorrow. I did try talk to him to skip work tomorrow but he wouldn't listen *sigh*

Now the snoring has lessened. Always does when the time shows after 2am or so. That's one thing I still find amazing about him. He would snore and shake the room all night but at 2ish.. he's soundly asleep. Nothing else but a soft breathing sound of his. The first few weeks of our marriage, when I used to complain about my sleepless nights, he came home buying me a pair of ear plugs. Funny but sweet! He also bought me an eye patch so I would be able to sleep while he's watching tv. That's another habit of his: he has to watch tv or he won't fall asleep at all! As for me, I need lights off and complete silence to sleep. You can imagine what two different worlds we're living in.

Well, that was then. Now, I would sleep whenever I want to, though with blaring noise and blinding lights from the tv screen. I don't even use earplugs now coz I need the alarm clock to wake me up early morning to get his breakfast ready. I am grateful when he would reduce the tv volume, even switch the tv off when he noticed that I buried my self in the blanket trying to sleep. It's those little things he does that make me forever thankful that I'm his.

Oh one thing I can't sleep without every night is, the sound of his heart beating. It's become a nightly habit that I lie my ear on his chest before I cover my self with the blanket to sleep. Though for a few minutes, it never fails from carving a smile on my face. It's become a lullaby each time.

I should go to bed now. My eyes are heavy and I sure need sleep. In the next three hours, or less, I should get his breakfast ready. I missed it yesterday. I forgot to set the alarm and he left to work without waking me. When I came to, I texted him and he said: "It's ok. You need rest. Get back to sleep now."

I love this man. Changes or no changes, he's still the love of my life.

The come back...?

2011-03-22T11:18:00.006+08:00

Pheww! Yea I know. Been away since the wedding. My life has changed completely since I'm his. My days start as early as 5am, preparing breakfast for him then wave him goodbye. Then off to the shower to go to work. By 4pm, stay home waiting for the hubby to come home from work. Cook dinner, sleep. Then the routine starts again the next day. And the weeks that follow.

Work? Stressful. I got piles of markings to do since I left students with assignments on my two-weeks leave on our honeymoon. At the same time, the admin made me the acting Head of Department coz our head is now on maternity leave. That leaves me with another big responsibility on my shoulder, apart from being Head of Welfare Section, Assistant Senior Mistress of Students' Affairs, bla bla bla. With short of teachers, I am now teaching 6 classes, of 3 different levels. At times, the pressure just gets to the head that I feel like quitting the job!

Two days before the school holidays start, an inspector came to see me, talking about teachers and our problems, also asking for suggestions on which classes he should visit and which teachers need support most. I was like, hey! Come to my class! Guess what he said: "Nah! You don't need help Suzi!" Okay. That made me wanted to scream on top of my lungs!

And so, I suggested two names. When the school reopens next week, he will be around the school. I confessed on the un-updated marks in my record file. When I showed him the columns, he was like: "This is ok Suzi. Don't worry much." So he went on with a number of advice like introducing peer-marking in class, homework once every week, bla bla bla. I mean, I don't know. I hated peer-marking when I was in sec school. I honestly thought my teachers were "lazy". Well, if that would lessen the pressure, I shall start doing so hmm......

Just did 3 pending work yesterday at home. There goes my one-day holiday. But at least, the burden's lessen now yea... There's actually more to do but I left them at school. Will drop by the office tomorrow.... or Saturday uhuk.... I am really trying to "feel" the holidays *drama queen*

I was thinking on going to KK or at least Miri in the hols but hubby can't take any leave :(( So it means, home is my only place to stay... and enjoy. But Nurul's wedding is in two weeks. I've to do her hantarans soon *sighhh* I need rest. It just doesn't feel like I am grasping the time completely yet..... And next week the school will reopen!

Can I quit my job already??!!!

Greatly Missed. Forever In Our Hearts...

2011-02-19T19:37:00.005+08:00

We had you among us

You were loved

You made us laugh

We gave you promises
You gave us trust
We didn't let go
But you left us
Too soon for goodbyes
Now we're left with cries
Oh our Prince please do know
You take our hearts with you
When you leave us with sorrow
Hoping you smile above
Free from pain
In heaven there
We'll meet again

We love you Prince Whiny
You will be forever missed

Prince Whiny borned January 2009. Left us peacefully on 14th February 2011.

The uninvited pain!

2011-01-07T00:31:00.002+08:00

I'm having my period now. 2nd day. I always have uninvited pain from waist down every month during this very moment that would last at least 3 days. As a result, I would just lie down and sleep the whole day to kick the pain away.

And tomorrow is Berbedak ceremony. Sharul just had his tonight. We've prepared gifts and souvenirs for the guests. Having to be on the dais waiting for 200 guests to bless me during the ceremony, I do hope this period cramp would be lessened tomorrow.

I don't want any drama!

The ... Today!

2011-01-03T22:17:00.018+08:00

I've been a "Mrs" for two days now. The hubby (still trying to get used to that very "word") is still at his place, till our Bersanding ceremony next week on 9th Jan. Everything went well alhamdulillah. With one breath, witnessed by both families, friends and neighbours, we are now officially husband and wife :'))

After all the ups and downs to the day itself, everything did fall into place. Thanks Aiza for the kind words you wrote in your blog. Love you girl! *hugs*

On that memorable morning of 1st January 2011, I only had 3 hours sleep (when I planned to wake up at 10am coz I only went to bed at 2am the night before giving touch ups on the hantarans), when my brother woke me up early. He said, a woman was looking for me. When I asked who it was, he said, he didn't know. Only saying that she was an old lady. So I thought to my self, that could be the pengangun but why was she looking for me?

So I sent him to wake our mom up. She refused (coz she also went to bed very late. Everyone did actually. Doing cleaning up and stuff). So, I went down and I recognised the face. It was the pengangun! With sleepy eyes, I tried to swallow what she was saying. She came to bath me! I was like, what?? Now? At 8am??

Then she went on babbling about stuff that she needed for the bathing ritual. So I said, I had bought the bedak lulut, but not the langir, limau kapas and candles. I sensed right away, today was gonna be hell!

Luckily, my cousin was also getting married. He happened to live nearby so mom told my brother to pick up the few stuff that we hadn't prepared (cos we weren't told about it and we didn't know she was coming and gonna bath me). Anyhow, the ritual went on. It was painful! I mean, she was really really scrubbing my skin, though eventually I loved the outcome. It had gone soft.. She left at 11am as she had to attend a groom next. She would come back to my place soon after she said.

The next thing I knew, it was almost 1pm when my make-up artist came (whom I never met so she didn't know I was the bride haha!) and soon after, our cameraman G-roy. He didn't recognise me at the door as we only met once during our pre-wedding shot and I was wearing make-up. The next hour or so, I was all ready with my nikah outfit and make-up. I felt like a superstar having gigantic lighting and cameramen at all corners, taking pictures of me and recording my every move LoL! The groom came on time. The imam came earlier. The next hour, I was signing some documents, witnessed by my dad and uncles of both sides.

Having a long name like mine, hubby couldn't read the akad nikah in one breath although after dozens of times during practice. Alhamdulillah, he managed on the actual day :')) I cried a happy tear..

We're still waiting for pictures from our photographers. Hope to see them soon! For now, these are some taken by my cousin. Happy viewing :))

I sat on a sofa during the akad nikah coz of my painful legs..

Us :)

Me and Yanti, who is now 6 months pregnant :))

Me and Yanti, Zir and some of the BLA+1. Thanks for coming girls!! :'))

The hours to the ONE : )

2011-01-01T03:19:00.004+08:00

Tomorrow is the day. I am not panicking yet. Nervous? Maybe a bit. It's worrying coz it seems to be that I am not like any other brides out there. Mom is panicking like, all the time. But I would just tend to ... relax. Too relax I think ..

Maybe I should just go to bed. After all, it's almost 3am now. I haven't had enough sleep lately, with the room and the cleaning. The hantarans ... I wish tomorrow will be fine.

And I have pimples on my face dammit!!

The last few preparations

2010-12-27T01:08:00.008+08:00

And so, I gave in. I finally agreed to help out DF to decorate the hantarans for me (from him) coz mom were so bising knowing that he would be spending hundreds of cash to get the hantarans done at the shop. So we spent the whole day and night doing 12 hantarans at one go. I didn't wanna spend more days doing it. It's kind of the inside me protesting I must say, though I didn't have much say in the end. DF's sisters and himself went home tired. Hah! Padan muka!!

Here are sneak-peeks of the hantarans that we've done..

From him to me.. Black / grey / white theme..

From me to him.. Blue / grey / white theme..

Yesterday DF finally went to see the imam for our akad nikah. Yes, finally! After much pressuring from me. Men can be very very slow! We women do things, little things, not so perfectly but enough to get us smile with satisfaction. Well, at least, that's me. And so, with all the woman-power in me, I finally get to DF's head that we NEED a videographer!

And so, yesterday afternoon, we went to see one for our wedding. We're still considering it coz it would cost us $700 for all four events. We did try calling as many videographers as possible but most all are taken now. We might settle on Fotosaiko. DF liked them.

5 more days to the nikah. DF said to me yesterday: "It feels like a dream that next week's our nikah." I told him: "I feel the same!"

PS: I got pimples now coz I've been having problems getting to bed early. The past two days, I only had four hours sleep. Now it's just past 1am. I am sure I'll be fast asleep at 4am and wake up at 8am.. Sometimes I wonder. Do all brides-to-be have this problem?? I have panda eyes now. Oh great. Just what I need!

And I need to do something about my room. Fast! Coz now, it's a shipwreck!!

The sudden pressure

2010-12-25T02:41:00.008+08:00

One week left to my "nikah", I suddenly feel butterflies in my tummy tonight especially after attending my cousin's "nikah" ceremony yesterday afternoon. Certain things got me on alert:

1. The cousin's "hantarans" - awesome decos..

2. The time waiting for the "akad nikah" - my legs are still painful and I could not sit long..

3. My room - I still can't figure out what colour for the walls. Sharul is not helping at all every time I asked for opinion.. *sighhh*

4. The videographer - I am in a dilemma.. Sharul does not want any (to save budget) but I DO want one coz I wanna keep memory of our big day, of all functions. He said: "We have photographers. That is enough..." *sigh*

5. The pre-wed pictures - honestly, I don't like them! Not because of the quality of the pictures, but we just COULD NOT pose naturally. I mean, I can. But Sharul just doesn't give a damn! I hate thinking how BAD our wedding pictures gonna be *SIGHHH*

On record, I am UNhappy today... *sigh*

The Pre-Wedding Pictures 2

2010-12-22T01:34:00.005+08:00

The Pre-Wedding Pictures 1

2010-12-21T23:56:00.007+08:00

We got tagged by SutraWedding Brunei on Facebook. DF is happy with the pictures. Why? Coz his tummy is mostly "covered" by me! I look BIGGER than him huhuhu.... Enjoy the pictures guys!

The .... hmmm ....

2010-12-19T23:26:00.010+08:00

Our today was long. Occupied I must say. DF and I went to the bridal boutique to check on our wedding costumes. When we got there, I asked the tailor whether she'd done my nikah dress. She then pointed to a corner and there it was. Elegantly displayed on a mannequin. I tried it on. A few adjustments were to be made. The dress was too short for me. The arms' length was not to my satisfaction. The chest...well. I need a push up bra! LoL!! So she's gonna have to make it better or I'll not be happy on my day *sigh*

Then, the next try out: my bersanding outfit. I liked the design. I mean, I don't really care coz what do I know about fashion. Anyhow, I liked it. A bit. Same faults. So, she's gonna make it better too. DF's outfits weren't ready yet she said but soon. Oh, my veils weren't ready yet too, so I found out. It's 13 days left but I dunno.. I don't feel too pressurized just yet. Not even now. I am sure they will be ready!

Sneak peak of my bersanding outfit..

Then we went off to Madang tailor to take my top for this afternoon's pre-wed photo shoots. Ended up, DF preferred me wearing the top I was wearing: the one he bought for me in Bandung two weeks ago. From there, I went to Fred's for a make over while DF went to have a hair cut. We were 45 minutes late to the location and it rained soon as we got there. Shahrum and the team requested us to do it another time but we insisted on having it today instead. I mean, I paid $80 for the make-up! So we decided to have it done at the Empire Hotel and have some indoor shoots. It's typical so I kinda disliked the idea but what the heck!

Syukri did the make-up for me. He even came to the shooting location to do touch-ups for me. Thanks dearie ;)

We had the shooting from 4pm till 7pm. It was difficult and funny at the same time. The precious moment was when DF and I were connected again within that 3 hours. I mean, we were into each other, acting at a few scenes but later on, we had it kicking! LoL!! I gotta say, at some point, we came natural. I mean, the team wanted us to relax and just act naturally so we did. Hopefully it'll show well in the pictures :)

By 8pm, we had dinner at a nearby restaurant, MOD. Man weren't we hungry! It was tiring and we were thirsty. Not to mention hard. You know, with the flashes and all. And the constant smiles. Our cheeks hurt! LoL!! I wonder how we'd survive the 4 wedding functions erkK!!

Our dinner at MOD..

Us today. Tired but happy :))

Then the bad thing happened. I drove home alone after sending off DF. It was raining heavily. It was barely 9pm so I wasn't really sleepy but the fake eyelashes were freaking annoying! They made my eyes heavy.

Then suddenly, this car at the other lane was getting into my lane that I stomped on the brake, hard, only to have my car swerved sideways. As I realized that I almost hit on the car, I hit on the brake again, harder, and so my Kia went up the stable on my right. Still hitting on the brake, I heard the constant sound of croaking and bumping. My car finally stopped. I looked at the side mirrors. Luckily, there weren't any cars coming. So I drove slowly down the stable, and to the side lane on the left, having the emergency light on. The sound of punctured tyre was heard. I called DF right away, shaking.

The next 30 minutes, we got the car towed back home. DF and my brother got the tyre fixed and bumper attached. Mom and dad were surprised. I did call my brothers but they came too late as we already had the car on tow. We'll have it checked at the workshop tomorrow, and DF is gonna do that. He said he'd leave work early. Thanks sayang.

The crooked rem had the tyre punctured. The tyre's fine but it's the rem that I'll have to replace..

Look what I did to my bumper...Sorry Kia :((

DF and my brother replacing the punctured tyre with the spare one..

So that's today. I am still shocked now but alhamdulillah, I am fine.

The tooth ache and the...

2010-12-17T12:09:00.016+08:00

So, the invitation cards I ordered weren't enough for the list we had. My mistake. I didn't realize that I have such many friends that popped up my head (whom I think would come) to my big day. Besides, I got ex colleagues warning me that I "must" invite them to my wedding once they heard that I got engaged last 1st January. So, last Monday I went to this printing shop and reprinted another 200 copies of the cards (not the exact look as the ones we had from Bandung). It cost me 50 cents each. Mom and I didn't get enough time to go check on other printing companies so we just went on with the second company we found. Last Wednesday, I picked up the whole bundle, only to realize that DF's father's name was wrongly spelt! Grrr!! My mistake again... Mom said, better that than having a different name after all. So that made me feel a bit better. But man! I was careless!!

This is now the screen of my phone :)

The new batch. Not bad for a 50 cent card.. Mom added the ribbons to make them look better :)

Poor mom. She was so hungry when we went out...

As I mentioned last week, we went to Miri to get some stuff. Mom and I got carried away that we didn't check the time. So eventually, we had to stay over night there. Thank God DF knows Miri much. After several hotels and motels we went to (which were full coz it was Saturday night), we stayed in Oriental Hotel just in the city. It cost us RM155 per night. Not bad for a double bed room. I used my Prima line there especially when contacting my brother and DF. Turned out to be, when we were back to Brunei, my phone was barred. When I went to pay the bills at the counter, with $100 in my hand (coz that is how much I pay every month), I was shocked learning that I had spent $400+ when in Miri. I was puzzled and asked them how much did it cost per minute talking on the phone overseas. He said, I spent $35 on phone bills but the rest was spent on going online. I was like, WHAT!! And I was just going on Fb for a few times. Damn it!! I did go on Youtube twice (when I was bored waiting for the family to buy toiletries at one of the 24 hours shop in Miri) but I didn't know that would cost me that much!! They should've warned me grrrr!!! So now, I am using my Easi line coz I am so pissed with DST!!!

Apart from going online (youtube-ing) I took pictures of the street that night. This, I liked the most!

This must be one of the many reasons why my tooth aches today.. Yummy but too sweet!!

Last Tuesday, DF and I went back to Miri. This time, we got the list of things to buy since mom did her browsing there the two days we were in Miri :) We got home with 7 items of Elba electronic devices and a few more items (for lucky draws), DF's souvenirs packets (which cost B$1.80 each in Brunei) and our hantarans accessories (which cost us cheaper than we would in Hokko). I love Boulevard! I love its family discount card. We got to get cheaper prices on every item we bought. How I wish Brunei malls have such system. Life would be way easier coz we won't have to travel far to get cheaper prices.

DF's tired face yet he won't let me drive..

I took mom out last Wednesday to buy kitchen utensils and food, also for lucky draw gifts. Before that, we went to the wedding venue, having the place checked and cost figured. I think, I will get to rent additionals since the place is quite .. bare. Mom wants some flowers and ribbons and accessories. That's how empty the space is. Back home, she had all the gifts wrapped up yesterday. Talking about excitement huh! Hehehe :D

The entrance of the hall..

The stands that mom wants me to rent for my day... I hope they have blue lillies...

I have sent some invitation cards to friends but those to colleagues, I think I will do tomorrow. This toothache I am having is really making my pace slow. All I want to do now is sleep and stay in bed. I wanted to go to the clinic yesterday but since mom needed help with the name lists (she had to check the names again and again in the computer to avoid repetition before printing) so I didn't go have it checked. It felt so bad that when DF took me out to the movie, I didn't enjoy it at all. This morning, I woke up with a swollen gum. It hurt so bad. Tomorrow I will definitely have it checked. DF must bring me. No matter what!!

P.S: I woke up this morning with the toothache and went back to bed. I dreamed of late grandma. In that dream, I was helping her down the staircase, the thing that I used to do when I was little since she was old enough to walk on her own. When I put her down, I looked at her. She didn't look at all like her but I had the gut feeling that it was her. So I asked how she was doing and instead of answering my question, she answered: "Who are you?" So I introduced my self and I apologized for not visiting her much. She said she understood because I was busy. I woke up sobbing...

The date we turned 9 : )

2010-12-11T01:45:00.008+08:00

DF argued it's our 8th but I insisted that it's our 9th. He said, the one year on the break isn't included but hey! Who's counting?! So, despite the mathematical problem that we had there love, I still wish us both Happy 9th Anniversary. I love you. I love you. I love you!!! :)

I was busy with the invitation cards till very late last night. So just before going to bed, I texted DF this:

"Happy 9th anniversary sayang : ) among other things that's been going through my life, loving you is the best thing that ever happens to me. In 3 weeks, I'll be yours for always and I can't wait to have my nights and days with you and I am all ready to grow old with you. I love you sayang and forever will do : )"

Of course he didn't reply. It was after 1 am of 10th December and I was sure he was fast asleep at that time. But I wasn't alone. Fluffy seemed to know the special date that she was all attached to me, being cuddly and kissing me (well, more like "licking" my face actually) till we both went asleep. When I woke up in the middle of the night (coz she was snoring in my ear!) I still found her sleeping next to me, till early this morning at 9 am (when Sharul called with a smiling "Happy anniversary" greet). Now, that's some true loving there, don't you think ; ) thank you baby Fluffy. Mummy loves you too ok : )

My day was again occupied with stickers and invitation cards. By 7 pm, Sharul called and we went out to our first 3D movie, Narnia. It's always been our favourite and we never missed them. But DF must have a tiring day at work that he snored half way through the movie. I had to nudge him awake. We went home right after movie as we were too sleepy for supper.

Look at us!! All chubby but happyyyy~~ Heee :p

There was nothing extra special on today's date. Having a not-so-romantic hubby-to-be, I just couldn't be bothered to complain. I guess 9 years together had been teaching us both not to expect extraordinary treatments from each other lol! We sound so cheap huh! Hehe..

Now I have about 5 hours of sleep before our long trip to Miri tomorrow with my mom, my brother and his girlfriend. Sharul needs more souvenir bags while I simply need a new proper top to wear to our pre-wedding photoshoots session this Sunday. We hope to find cheap pairs of shoes for our hantarans too.

I better go to bed now. Good night all : )

The back on track plan

2010-12-07T10:41:00.007+08:00

3 weeks left and all I desperately need now is rest.

The camp was finally over yesterday. What left of it are sweet memories, friendships and not forgetting the flu and cold. Darn it! But we had great fun working together and I managed to distribute the first bundle of invitation cards to all the chaperones in the team as I thought that it is not easy having everybody around at one place at a time like this camping programme did. It was embarrassing when I typed names wrongly when they were intended for certain people LoL!! All I could say to them were: "Well, it's MEANT for you so you're invited!" Damn!! Hahaha! That was embarrassing!!! You know I am bad with names and numbers!!

At the airport: JX trying to fit in all the souvenirs into his bag ehehhee :p

The campers singing "Till We Meet Again", the camp's closing song.

The chaperones' name list

My hero! Thanks Fay!! :D

The first bundle of invitation cards distributed yesterday :)) Thanks Fay and Fred for your help :D

Today I woke up late and the camp commandant sent a text message dedicated to all the working committee members, thanking us for our job well done and what a strong committee we had. I agreed to what he said. We do have a good team work. And I don't think I could experience such great connection with any other team at work. Ever!!

Now I feel relief because despite my limitations, I managed to be at the camping ground at all times. I feel relief coz now I feel that I have paid my dues as I failed to commit through the week's camp back in 2008. I am blessed with good health and proactive people around me. Thank God I wasn't sick during the camp. That would be a replay of what happened two years ago, that speculated much issues and gossips. Good job team! Till we meet again in 2012!! :))

Anyway, I should get back on track to planning my wedding, which on record, it's 3 weeks and 4 days left as of today! I also would like to congratulate my dear friend, Rohaiza and now her husband, Ahmad Fadhlullah, on their wedding last Saturday. Glad they loved the gift, which I bought amidst the tight schedule: during a "knowledge hunt" at The Mall while at the same time observing the campers. Thanks to Hasanul for handing in the gift to the newly weds. Thanks Sanul for taking the gift from me the other day, also during a camping activity at the city. To Rohaiza, you made it girl!!! *big hugs*

A piggy bank for the newlyweds. Cute huh! ;D

I got lists to do now:
1. Distributing invitation cards (currently doing it)
2. To the boutique checking out our wedding costumes (later today)
3. Picking up our (MY) jewelleries (later at 2pm)
4. Decorating hantarans (to start this week!!)
5. Kurus Nikah (3 Wednesdays - starting tomorrow)
6. Wrapping up wedding souvenirs (the ones that just arrived last Friday)
7. Buying some goodies for Lucky Draws (~50 items)
8. Up-dating the make-up artists (by phone - they better have me in their check lists!!)
9. Pre-wedding shots (a week before Nikah??)
10. Meet up with Imam for our Nikah
11. Meet up with our videographer (to set our dates and functions to cover)
12. To see our wedding venue (to decide on the carpets and decorations)
13. Paint the wedding room walls (no particular colour in mind)
14. Buy a wardrobe
15. Buy bedroom set for DF's room (our eventual room - I'll be staying at his place after the wedding)
16. ........

Oh Gosh! I didn't know the list would be that long yikes!! I better get going~~

The week of ..

2010-12-01T18:11:00.001+08:00

Happy 1st December everyone. Today marks the beginning of my week's schedule in yet another camp, while also marks the four weeks left to our solemnization. Mom had warned me not to stay overnight at the camp village, nor participate in any challenging tasks or jungle trekking. Everyone thought that I should be staying home now and rest. Yet again, that is just too much to ask. I would die of boredom!

Sharul called a moment ago. He is fine now in Bandung, which is a relief. Later at 8pm, I will have to be at the camp village again for some ice breaking in-camp activities. For now, maybe a quick nap coz I had been out since 7.30am today.

I am exhausted... and missing DF dearly :(

The Worst Nightmare :'((

2010-11-30T05:03:00.005+08:00

Hopefully NOT coming true :'( I just got texts coming in from DF, the first came at 4.20am local time. Currently he is in Jakarta, not Bandung, coz the plane he boarded could not land there so they landed in Jakarta instead. It was due to bad weather or some sort. Heavy downpour.

This is crazy! I mean, couldn't they foresee the weather?? It must be a very heavy downpour that making it unable for the plane to land in Bandung. I cried and cried, even now, worried of his condition now :'(( I feel like flying off there and take him home here right away. Crazy! Crazy! Crazy!!!

Now DF and friend are on a bus ride to Bandung from Jakarta. It's provided by the airlines. Well they better!

And they better make sure he's safe! That driver better be wide awake now! Sharul laughed when I told him to buy the driver a tin of Red Bull.

He's trying to sound okay coz he doesn't want me to worry. WTH! First the bad weather. Now a long 3-hour journey to Bandung in the middle of the night! How am I supposed not to be worried???

Please pray with me people. Please pray that Sharul is safe there. And come back in one piece.. A month before our wedding now, I don't want any drama! :'(((

The Great Sunday!

2010-11-28T22:28:00.006+08:00

I better type this quickly before my laptop shuts off again. I need a new laptop!! Any suggestions peeps??

Anyway, just wanna share my day today at Laneige Broadway Musical Charity Competition. It was tiring - I was working at the ticket booth - but I had great fun!! We predicted it right. SM Sultan Hassan, Bangar won! Weeee~~

My duty today at the ticket booth. The audience got these free gifts from Laneige. Cool huh!!

I knew they'd win!! :D Congrats Irman!!! :D

The winning team in action. Loved the props and costumes!! :D

Another amazing performance today! Loved the costumes! The kids were just cute!! :D

P.S: DF will be leaving to Bandung tomorrow to get our wedding invitation cards and souvenirs. The tickets are wayyyy cheaper than the cost of bringing in the stuff from there to here. Roughly B$1k! Ridiculous!! Luckily his friend is willing to go there with him and so we could use his cargo to carry our 60kg stuff. DF will be home on Friday, 3rd December. I'll miss him :(( and by then I'll be busy supervising a camp which will start on 2nd December and ends on 6th... I shall start seriously getting my hands on the hantarans soon after that. For now, I've typed the name lists of my colleagues. Tomorrow, I hope to get the names of my ex colleagues... I need to paste the stickers with the names soon after the cards arrive this Friday....

The absense

2010-11-24T20:48:00.011+08:00

Apologies to all for being away for some time. The main reason, my laptop is shutting down: it shuts off every 30 minutes or so, hence writing is out of the question now. Even now, I am typing out whatever comes to my head so to record whatever I could and hopefully, able to post up soon.

Anyway, to update, Fluffy is doing better now. So much better that she's back to her previous self and stays in her very heat phase. Sharul and I decided not to let her mate either Prince Whiny or Tiger til at least next month in December. But yesterday, when visiting the cats, I found what I fear most: Sharul's sister let Fluffy and Prince Whiny together! She even recorded their first attempts: 21st November. I couldn't find my own words *SIGHH!!*

Still about the cats, Luna gave birth to 3 kittens, but 1 died. We decided to name both after Luna's initial name "L" so we named the male Logan, and the female Lolita. They were borned a few minutes after my very first nephew was borned. Muhammad Aqeel Faeeq was borned on 25th November 2010 at 11pm, the kitties at just after midnight of 26th.

Our first nephew: Muhammad Aqeel Faeeq :) He is such a darling!!

Lolita: blue, and Logan: cream/white

Okay, other reasons why I was quiet, was because I was commanding a three-day leadership camp at school. On the same day it started, DF's college friend from Thailand came visiting us so after the camp was over, we became her official tour guides. Now we know why tour companies give expensive packages. Becoming one is very VERY exhausting!! We must have been very hospitable that Ammy decided to stay longer in Brunei than her initial plan to just stay for 5 days. She left last Sunday, after being here for 10 days. Glad that she had fun here. We would see her again this January in Bangkok :)

DF and Ammy on their boat ride around the Water Village

Ammy next to a portrait of His Majesty. She is so in love with him saying that he is VERY handsome. Of course he is!! I love him too!! :D

And so, speaking of January, it's 38 days left for our solemnization. Now our invitation cards are stuck there in Bandung. We've got problem with the postage system there. It's just ridiculously expensive. For every 10kg, it would cost us B$130 and both our invitation cards and souvenirs are 60kg. You do the calculations. The figures give us a sudden head scratch! We would try finding a postage company from here and hope that they will charge it cheaper when bringing the stuff from there to here. Fingers cross!

And the honeymoon drama gave me a heavy migraine yesterday. DF and I decided to spend 3 nights in Korea and the next 7 days in Ko Samui Thailand, after spending 2 nights at Ammy's resort in Bangkok. Yesterday's news on North Korea's attack on the southern part of Korea have made DF and I to think twice to have our honeymoon there. Now in plan is either Japan, or simply spending our honeymoon in Thailand. Ammy suggested that we go to Chiangmai then Bangkok. We'll see to that. Apart from the cheap five star hotels, the resorts are pretty charming that even Ammy herself wanted to join us! LoL~! I miss that crazy girl! LoL!!

We shall begin our Nikah courses in December. They accepted my request and agreed to let us attend the course before the solemnization ceremony now. However, we would have to travel a long journey to Serasa than attending the mosques near where we live. That is fine with us, as long as we don't have to leave work again after our two-weeks honeymoon leave.

I shall start decorating my hantarans after 7th December next month. I will have to be involved in yet another camp. This one is rather bigger than the one I was just commanding. Danny and I were the Camp Commandants in its 2008's. This time, we requested to be just the committee members. And I have excused my self from staying overnight at a jungle in Labi; one of the activities scheduled.

By the way, I have just started going to the gym. Yesterday's first time was rather relaxing and Adrian, a colleague, was such a patient trainer. I floated in the pool with his help yeayy~~ :D And without Zir, who keeps on pushing me to go to the gym, I would be weighing more and more each day now. Yesterday's 2 hours in the pool, and another session in the sauna, steam bath and jacuzzi, I am proud to say that I have lost a kg! :D I wanna lose at least 10kg before January. Yea funny, I find it impossible! LoL! But I enjoyed the time at the gym. It was tiring but relaxing at the same time :) I shall try do it every day now..

The sad sad day :'(

2010-11-10T21:35:00.006+08:00

We didn't sense anything bad when we bathed Fluffy last Sunday. She was the usual her. Then yesterday, I visited her and she was acting different: extra quiet and she was a bit limping (from her hind legs). So I went to check her out and I saw this:

Panicking, I started asking everybody in the house. I wanted to know what had caused her like that. Sharul was out seeing his friend so feeling a bit upset, I took Fluffy home to take care of her. I didn't have much sleep because Fluffy was in so much pain. At times, she's meow aloud while trying to lick the swollen part of hers. I couldn't help sobbing seeing her condition that way. I had to take her into my arms to soothe her and stop her from licking it. Eventually, she'd sleep peacefully on my chest, although for just a few minutes, to have yet another visit to the litter box. I peeked in and while pushing it, she farted. That's how much force she did to pass motion, although nothing came out.

This morning, I went to work feeling sleepy and forever worried. My little brother drove me to work so he could bring Fluffy to the vet for a check up. At around 11am, I called him and he passed the phone to the lady at the vet. She said, they had to wait for the surgeon to either have her operated or not. I called Sharul and he decided to leave work at noon while I had to attend a meeting at the Ministry. I couldn't pay attention at all. I was there physically but my mind was else where. At 3pm, Sharul texted me that he had to leave Fluffy at the vet as she was still under anesthetic effect. Everything cost us more than $100.

Later at 4pm, I picked up Sharul and we went to visit Fluffy at the vet. What we saw breaks our hearts. Fluffy was shaking, and out of control. She was shaking her head back and forth, back and forth. She couldn't even stand on her feet. The effect from the shots (she had three) was really strong. I held her up and she lay close to me, still shaking. I cried. Sharul did too :'(

She seemed relax in my arms but I didn't think she recognised us :(

Her lower part now after the treatment.. Now in Sharul's arms.. Doesn't she look confuse here.. :(

Back in the cage. Her head was shaking back and forth, back and forth, while at the same time trying to stand up on her feet, which all attempts failed. She was crawling towards the cage grill, trying to reach us. This made me sob into tears :'((

The doctor said the rectum had been pushed back in. We were advised to let her stay at the clinic for three nights. That would be extra charges of $35 per night. We hope she would be better tomorrow, and recognise us.

We miss Fluffy so much :'((

The craving......

2010-11-04T22:20:00.004+08:00

I've been trying to forget it. Not even imagining it, or slrruping (if there's such a word) at the thought of it. But tonight........... *grinning guiltily*

Mee Laksa of Nyonya Mee Kari Laksa packet. THE BEST!!!

Okay, will burn it all tomorrow during hiking erkK!!

The songket is here!!

2010-11-03T22:22:00.003+08:00

I've wanted to share this right away but it has been a hectic week. Just wanna proudly say that our songket for our wedding ceremony is here yeay!! So yesterday, DF and I dropped by the boutique soon after I got their call. They were closing actually but I told them to wait coz it just so happened that he came home early than usual so, gladly, we made it!

And we loved the songket! :D But....I am kinda disappointed with the French lace that they ordered... It is not as I imagined it to be.... But I felt a bit better when the tailor said that she would add stones and such to make the lace look much better (it looked really dull actually....). I hope the additions will make it look more exclusive. It's for a wedding after all right.....

So far, all is well. Our invitation cards are being printed now in Bandung. Thank God that Jejen realised my mistake: I FORGOT to change the map of the direction to the hall; I gave him the map to my house instead erk!! Imagine IF he did NOT realise that .... the guests would be going to my house on our wedding day instead haiyaaa!!!

I think I should pay him more huh!! Pheww!!!

Dull isn't it....hmmm..... *panic mode*

The one with the good news

2010-10-23T19:06:00.004+08:00

So I was back to work today, still limping but the sandals I was wearing were very convenient. They didn't cause me much pain alhamdulillah. Then, I got something in my pigeon hole, dated two days ago, and a phone number. I remembered that number. It did go through my cell but I missed it. I didn't call back. Apparently, it was a call from the ministry and so... later on I made that call.

The woman said, my Masters Degree application to Monash Uni Australia wasn't approved but they had decided to channel it to UBD. I should fill up the UBD form right away and send it to her today. So I did. I have gone through the first stage now she said but the next stages are yet to come. I thanked her and left. How did I feel? Happy of course :) I am!

If everything goes smoothly with the interviews and such, I shall be doing my Masters Degree in UBD in January 2012. The course offered to me only starts in January and to apply it this coming January is actually too late. She said that application for the in-service scholarship should be 6 months before the course begins. So I said to myself, "Better late than never!"

I am all smiley today. It's a happy HAPPY day! Alhamdulillah :')

The bandaged foot!

2010-10-21T13:13:00.003+08:00

My right foot now ..

The exercise guide that I planned to do next week.. Hmm.. I think I'm cursed!

The 20.10.2010

2010-10-20T23:21:00.007+08:00

If it was Sunday, this very date would be famously taken for weddings, like last week's 10.10.10. Tok Khadi pun sibuk lusir sana, lusir sini menikahkan orang lol! Even now mom is counting the ticking of time hoping to hold our first nephew tonight. I think it's us. We love doing even the littlest detail such as symbolic dates for big occasions. Alhamdulillah, me and DF have had ours :)

This morning I asked DF if we would have plans to go out tonight. You know, trying to make the date memorable to us. Then, being the usual him, he said, "No plans. What's up with today?" So I guessed then today would be just like the rest of the dates hmmm..

But something DID happen today.. I fell, again! For the third time this month I think.. Excluding those minor falls I had while walking.. I could be very clumsy at times you know. So what's 2010 to me now? Pain! And here I am bedridden in pain huhu..

I hope the pain will ease tomorrow. Mom and dad were nagging me to see the doctor when they saw me limping tonight. Mom was over reacting. She said, "With that size you have, your feet can NOT carry you lah of course!" Right then I felt, sakit kaki, tambah lagi sakit hati. Thank you babu ku sayanggg *sighhh*

We'll see tomorrow how it goes. If this pain continues then, I will have to go to the clinic have it checked. My worries? Me, a fat bride, having a big fat bandaged foot! Or worse, going to the aisle, in wheelchair! Oh no... *gulp!*

Now, I am over reacting! Good night peeps!

The week's progress

2010-10-17T23:45:00.007+08:00

15.10.2010: the girls came over to help me design my Nikah dress :)

Our artist that day: Izan :D

The Nikah design by Izan, Zir, Diana, Nuyui and me :D Thanks girls!!

16.10.2010: the guy who booked the hall texted me that he had canceled his booking so that very day, I typed the letter so I could take the date for mine. I am forever thankful to him :')

*Note the wrong date LoL!! It should have been 2011, not 2010 whoops!! :p17.10.2010: at the bridal boutique, my sayang with the measuring tape :p DF liked this dress but too bad, I am too big to fit in it :(Still lost with the Bersanding design, we turned to the magazine and voila!! My wedding costume will look a bit like this, with changes here and there :)

Part of the wedding packageThe package price .. excluding our Nikah costumes erkK!!

Hehehehe :D
Our late lunch today :)Our Kursus Nikah slips and forms, to be submitted next week :)

The confirmed dates and costumes

2010-10-17T21:52:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, I got a text message coming. To cut it short, our wedding will be held at the Fire and Rescue Department Multipurpose Hall. The guy had decided not to have his there. I am thankful to him for his courtesy letting me know that. I pray that all will come easy for his wedding preparations aamiinn :)

Mom was excited yesterday. I texted DF about the news. He was super glad too :) The dates we've chosen mean so much to us that to change it to 23rd instead of the 9th would make us go :((. But alhamdulillah now :)

Today, we spent 3 hours at the bridal boutique. I lost a few inches (well, maybe an inch lol!!) so I could still fit in those costumes I had booked last February. But we decided to wear a lighter maroon coloured theme on our evening wedding reception coz the one I booked looked less glittery now lol!! So we'll be wearing grey on our nikah, blue on our Berbedak, white-grey on our Bersanding, and light maroon on our Berambil-ambilan :)

Now, I need to change a few details in our wedding invitation cards. I will need to post it to Bandung tomorrow so everything can be done and posted back here next month. Jejen texted me last two days that my wedding souvenirs have been packed and ready to be sent here. This means, I will need to send extra cash there to have it settled. I hope I can do it by this week coz I will be busy with marking exam papers and I will be required to facilitate a four-day sharing session next week. This week is all about preparing for those sharing sessions. I will sit down with the other three facilitators tomorrow afternoon. I hope we will make it.

I did take some pictures but since DF was very helpful and in good mood all week, I'll dedicate the next entry showing the pictures to all :)

I love yesterday and today, especially with him in it. I love you sayang :)

The one with the forms and the dates

2010-10-10T23:08:00.009+08:00

Alhamdulillah, I finally managed to fill in the forms - the one with the permission to get married; something somewhat compulsory so we could sign up for the Nikah/Kahwin Course.

Sunday today was a productive day. DF and I went to the bridal boutique as early as 10ish in the morning - only to unfortunately find out that it was close :( But we've made our appointment and next Sunday, we will definitely make our time to cut our Nikah and Bersanding costumes :)

DF having his brunch before checking out the bridal boutique: I cooked the fried noodles. It always feels good every time he compliments my cookings *blush* ;)

Since plan A was canceled, we made our move to the Times Square to drop by the wedding packages and photography carnival. Today was the last day. When we got there, we saw couples in wedding gowns and suits. I guess they were models. It was a beautiful sight :) Then DF got interested in this booth showing photography packages. See below for details:Coz we didn't bring enough cash, we didn't make any deposit despite our interest to actually take this photography company to do our post-wedding shots. We thought that it would be very nice to have the sessions in Taiwan, and so we could have our honeymoon there too, before actually heading to Bandung :) For now, Taiwan sounds one very tempting idea! We'll see to that! ;p

At 3ish, Sharul dropped me off at Rem's coz we had to do some brainstorming about our Master's proposal. Zir joined us an hour later and alhamdulillah, the five-hour session was indeed fruitful :) We'll do our research in one of the local unis here this Tuesday. InsyaAllah, all will go on as planned. Please make it easy for us ya Allah :)

After the rather quick session, we dropped by Bungsu Hamdani's place to complete the form as witness 1. After sending Sharul home, I tried my luck at Amit Aini's place, who seemed to be wide awake as he was filling in his appraisal form too :D So now, it's left with dad's I.C. copies and the head village's letter to confirm that I am a resident in this very village. Dad will do these two tomorrow.

Finally filling in the forms: mom and dad's sijil nikah was misplaced but alhamdulillah, now I could do the forms after it was found :')

My uncles as the witnesses :)

Oh before I log out, today was supposed to be our wedding but as I said in the previous entry, it's our neighbour's date of Bersanding too so to avoid traffic (coz our parking space here is super duper limited), mom decided that we should give in the date. Congratulations to the neighbour. I am happy for them :)

Speaking of the limited parking space, I drove mom to the Fire and Rescue Department Multipurpose Hall yesterday after work. The intention was to book the place for my sister's (Nurul) Bersanding Ceremony in March next year. When she returned, mom was excitedly telling me that 23rd January 2011 is STILL available for booking - 9th January 2011 was already taken. Instead of agreeing, I drove us to the next door's Dewan Muhibbah, only to sadly find out that the date I wanted was also unavailable.

So mom called DF's mom about the change of our wedding date. The next thing we knew, we were back to the Fire and Rescue Department Multipurpose Hall, and booked the very date! But it was during the officer writing down our booking that I "copied" the name of the guy who had booked the hall on 9th January 2011, and of course, his number too (erk!). I made mom to call him soon later and he said that, he hadn't discussed with his parents about using the hall for his wedding. Mom was super excited. And me too! :p

But I don't want to start dreaming of decorating the hall just yet. Or thinking of the change of our Bersanding date. But I have to admit, I am excited too! :p Mom even called me about renting carpets and flower stands and extra dais this afternoon (in the middle of discussing which uni I should apply to with the girls). Rem and Zir both thought that mom was cute. Which she is :D

I hope the guy would cancel his booking on the 9th. It would help us a lot, especially with the limited parking space, the hot weather (there's air con at the hall), and of course, having our big day there, I would definitely make my mom super happy :)

I believe everyone will be right.. Yeah well. Even IF he did not give me the date, then I will have to postpone our wedding date to 23rd, which Sharul does not mind at all. He knows the parking space issue always gives me the headache.

And when I nagged about wanting the 9th as our Bersanding date (coz the number "9" symbolizes our 9th year anniversary), mom shrugged her shoulders and said, "You can always have your nikah on that day."

So, there you go! The latest update of our wedding.... *fening lalatz* :p

The packing

2010-10-08T19:16:00.006+08:00

I was home all day today but Friday started early. Fluffy was all over me, waking me up coz it's time for her meal. I couldn't get back to sleep so I had breakfast at 7ish (mom was cooking mee laksa so it's basically my rezeki heee) then off doing laundry. By 9ish, I was back to sleep next to Fluffy. At 11am, I was on my lappy, trying to do some unfinished work but ended up watching 'Coffee Prince' instead lol!

Mom saw me at the living room and brought in boxes of gifts for my Berbedak ceremony. She said, time for packing! Now, I am taking a break (coz mom is out buying ribbons, her second trips now hmm...). Earlier, we did trials on where to put the ribbons and how to stick the cards on the gift boxes. I didn't realise how simple thing could be so difficult hmm...

Mom is so cute! She was so excited that when my sister entered the room she said, "You get married soon lah so I can do yours too!" with a wide smile on her face :') I wouldn't know what to do with all the details if it wasn't for mom's creativity and perfections! I am hopeless with wrappings and ribbons and colour combinations and bla bla bla :'p

So after that long hour of matching this and that, we came up with these! Enjoy the sneak peeks peeps! ;)

The gift bags. I can't do much with the colours. Mom is in-charge of it.. Hmmph pink!!

Cute box-gifts for the males

Gifts for the guests :)

This thank-you card is from Bandung. They come in handy when we got them for free heee :D

Thanks Lu for the DVD. Will return it to you soon! ;)

The lines

2010-10-07T21:06:00.003+08:00

I was on Facebook and saw a friend's status saying: happiness beams out of your eyes...

So, my brain flowed with words and in the end I sent the rest of the lines that came from my head to her inbox:

happiness beams out of your eyes
your smile strikes shots to my heart
your laughter melts me weak
my lips sealed unable to speak
our fingers grasp us tight
warmth i feel deep inside
raindrops drip on our faces
moves briskly in the pour
as our lips meet in deep kisses
i now become forever yours

Then she put up another status: contentment shines in your voices...

So in her inbox, again, I typed:

contentment shines in your voices
as our eyes meet with admiration
sweetness i taste in those every word
them appeal to what we're feelin'

Her comment: "this sounds like a wedding vow!"

So I thought to my self ... yes it does :)

The hunting ends..

2010-10-06T22:21:00.003+08:00

We have settled down on that one particular wedding ring, though unfortunately can't be replaced with Sapphire. It would cost DF a lonesome of $1630, after a discount price of course. We will collect the items in two weeks time. I need to show them to our moms before finally purchasing them though. Hope they're fine with our choices.

Today I managed to sit down with our office assistant about my leave this December and January. I am planning to take my mandatory leave (which is 14 days - I just knew that if I didn't take them, my 14 days annual leave would still be taken off erkk!!) and my annual leave in December. After a week's working days, then I would take my special wedding leave (which is another 14 days). I will complete the forms tomorrow and I shall update about this in the next entry insyaAllah.

* To Aiza, I will try to go to your wedding on 4th December. Now I am trying to get my leave confirmed by the Ministry and when it's approved, then next, it's seeking my parents' approval to be there and see you and Amad on the aisle. I hope they will let me go ya but so that you know, my parents are very conservative. They still practise the old petua and larangan like kena kurung dalam rumah one month before nikah and such *sigh* I am sure you understand my situation :)

Today mom was nagging about me getting home late the past few nights. What choice do I have left when Sharul could only come home at 5pm and reached home at around 6pm the earliest every day. So I could only reach home at 9pm or 10pm every night after running our wedding errands. We don't really have the time to do everything in the afternoon and get home before evening comes coz we both are working. Like me, I have to stay at work completing my extra duties till 4pm or else, I would have to tolerate seeing mountains of unfinished work on my table, which is always an ugly sight! How I wish my parents are more understanding. Bukan nya main-main ku jalan sampai aher balik ni....... *sigh*

And when I'm pissed, lots of bad thoughts came to mind. Like, wanting this whole wedding thing to be over soon, or wishing to leave the house immediately so I wouldn't have to tolerate their conservative perspectives over this whole marriage petua and larangan. Yet again, I am enjoying every bit of the preparations. I admit, DF and I do face problems here and there and we fight more often than ever before. But I know that when this whole wedding this is over, I am sure gonna miss this moment.

I know when I read this entry again one day, my heart will go "awww...." and "aaahhhh...". Or even say, "I miss that!"

Thinking over, sometimes it feels like I want to be his forever girlfriend so I can always dream of our wedding day. Weird huh! Now that our dream is almost coming true, I already long for the romantic past.

Yes. I will miss this whole wedding preparations. I am sure of that!

The hunting continues ..

2010-10-05T23:14:00.008+08:00

I got the call from Mexx Diamond today after work. I was on my way picking DF up for a movie - for which I was 2 hours late coz I was stuck at work doing some printing. He was dressed up when I got to his place. Poor thing. He had injured his arm at work the day before and he decided not to go to work today.

So I told him about the call. We left there to see the salesgirl about the jewelry set that we had booked. Sharul was not complaining. He seemed alright with the date to the bling-bling shop, though he didn't look so happy hehe :p I guess this is what all grooms-to-be are feeling at the moment of figuring out the quotation or the price of the expensive set. And so I promised him that it would be the last time I would nag him about him spending thousands on me. That made him roll his eyes LoL!!

So now, we're waiting for another 3 quotations of wedding rings that I had chosen tonight. We would take the cheapest one of course. I wanted a Sapphire stone, which is Sharul's favourite too :) I hope it would not cost him much coz so far, he had spent about $3k at Mexx Diamond - diamond and rose/white gold pendant, bracelet and ring, and white gold necklace and earrings. I would spend $1k on his Palladium wedding ring - a two layered-ring that the middle one can be spinned. He said that it would be helpful at the time when he is stress or angry LoL!!

Tomorrow is another day closer to our nikah. I have butterflies in my tummy again while typing this.. And I have not lost a kilo since Raya!! It's just so hard to do so. This Sunday is our appointment to measure our wedding costumes and nikah outfits. I haven't really figured out the designs that I really wanted. Well I guess, we need an expert to do so for us. We hope the tailors at the boutique would be helpful enough to design our bajus. With the size that we are now, I don't think referring to bridal books for designs would help much coz they would only look good on those skinny models!!

We're hopeless at choosing which tone of stones and gold types for our wedding. Thank God we found Mexx Diamond!! Thanks to Louie for suggesting this shop to us :) - DF was sleepy at this time. His aching arm was spoiling his mood too tonight but I admired his patience at being there with me at the shop. I love you sayang. SO MUCH!! :') -

Some of the jeweleries that we have booked .. One made me look like a Datin because of the elegant cut. Another was just fine but we both thought it would look nicer if the Diamond stone was changed to Sapphire. Besides, it would cost us cheaper :)

The hunting

2010-10-03T23:12:00.003+08:00

Okay.. So I thought, I was complaining about DF about his "insensitive" mode the past months after we got engaged. Then again, I did say he has changed and become "more involved" in the wedding preparations, and I most of all, have become happier and much more in love with the guy ;) Alhamdulillah. And so I thought, it wouldn't be fair if I DIDN'T share with you lot the changes he had become, so here goes! :)

Today, I picked him up from a weekend getaway at Junjong BnB with my siblings and the girls (Lulu and Leng). It was him who texted me asking whether I would still be picking him up today (his aunt had invited us to her birthday party this afternoon. We couldn't reject it this time since she had sent us a separate invitation card huhu). Him texting for a meet up was making me smile. I felt needed *blush*

We spent an hour looking for the birthday present. We settled on a handbag for the aunt, which cost us about $59. We were late to the function of course but we did come and spend time with the family. A short one though - we left after 15 minutes of arrival LoL!! We excused ourselves by saying that we had had an appointment with our jeweler for our wedding. The elders had to give in and let us go :p

We met Joanne and made our installments. Then a quick meet up with some friends of his - he was checking on this guy's car. Sharul is in need of a car to work. Later on at 6pm, unplanned, Sharul brought up about going to Mexx Diamond to look for another set of jeweleries for our "Ambil-Ambilan" ceremony, and of course, our wedding rings. I was in awe :D I mean, he never did make the offer! It felt like me falling in love again that night. Falling hard! LoL!!

So there, we loved the service. The salesgirls were very helpful. We confessed that our budget was tight so they helped us choosing the right jewelery set, and his Palladium wedding ring :D It was funny that we didn't know much about stones and types of gold but after an hour or so there, we did learn a few ;) Mexx Diamond is the best for us so far! :D

I was smiling, happily, on my way home. He said the three words again tonight *smiling dreamily* :))

The "Okay .... now the countdown begins" ..

2010-10-01T13:48:00.005+08:00

Okay, it's 1st October and in the next three months, I will be Mrs. Shahrul Faidzal. Even when typing this my hands are shaking. Nervous breakdown? Excitement? Everything comes together now. I can even feel my tummy gurgling with butterflies erkK! I hope it's a good sign yikes!

I just had my period. Last 2 months I had it 10 days earlier, and last month's was 6 days earlier than I expected. On counting, if this irregular pattern keeps going on, on my nikah day, I would be having it, so it means I will be having my PMS end of December, probably in so much muscle pain waist down. I should have coke in store to help me ease it. Or I will be labeled the bitchiest bride in history erkK!! Any tips at reducing the PMS pain are most welcome!

How's my diet programme? Not working! Fasting month and Eid really ruined it! I mean, I tend to eat more at those times (and still do). The good foods were just too tempting and dieting soon became past tense! This Sunday we're gonna have our costume fitting and I am sure we have gone bigger than the last time we went to the bridal boutique. It's official! We're the biggest bride and groom!!

Our wedding invitation cards samples just arrived yesterday. There were mistakes here and there (I expected that!) and dad wanted a few names added to the list. This whole "Al-Wakil Berharap" list is really a hassle! I am so tempted to just tear the pages off the card. But of course dad is gonna go absurd with the whole deleting part pfftt!!

The wedding souvenirs, as of yesterday, have been printed and would be ready for packing and posting end of this month, hopefully. The final payment shall be done soon, another roughly B$500 to Bandung. I haven't really counted the bills yet. We've been busy with work lately that we care less about the wedding preparations.

Oh, note the pronoun "we" there? Yep! He has finally started doing this and that with me since my last posts in this page. It startled me when he said he did read the "all out" about my frustration over him not spending much time with the wedding preparations and such. He must have noticed my "tak kisah" mode over everything few weeks ago that maybe he came to this page out of curiosity and finally decided to change. Which is GOOD!

Or else, jangan harap aku kan sibuk2 uruskan pasal kawin hmmphh!!

The latest us taken last week during Eid :)

The good list

2010-09-05T06:48:00.005+08:00

So, I went to a friend's blog and I read this. Since I'm pretty down my self with all the wedding stuff and shaky (I can't seem to find a better word coz I'm a bit sleepy now) relationship. So, here goes:

1. Honest - too honest at stating views and thoughts
2. Friendly - I get it from my parents
3. Funny - I love seeing people laugh
4. Humble - I hate those who always "angkat bakul" / show off
5. Kind - too kind sometimes
6. Loyal - to families and friendships
7. Hard working - to make ends meet
8. Punctual - I get things done on time when properly planned
9. Helpful - I hate seeing others suffer or in trouble
10. Responsible - a character that I was trained at since childhood
11. Smart - at certain areas of knowledge
12. Cat lover - recently feeding stray cats since I can't bring them home
13. Independent - I always manage to settle things my self
14. Observant - I only say what I see
15. Loving - I believe loving is the key to happiness
16. Over protective of my families and friends - I hate seeing them sad
17. Understanding - I am able to put my self in one's shoe
18. Thoughtful - I see things differently sometimes, even very small matters
19. Caring - my job needs me to and now it's become part of my personality
20. A leader - I've become used to being one as trusted
21. Cheerful - I master at hiding my own feeling from others
22. Generous - a trait that I am becoming so recently
23. Creative - not in art but in writing

There! I'll read this later, and add if there's any that I've left out..

The one missed II

2010-09-03T23:25:00.006+08:00

So, I sent the previous post to DF through his FB inbox. He called me the next morning, 3 times. I didn't pick up coz I was too sad to talk. When I got online later on, he wrote this on my FB wall:

"Missing you a lot.. In my heart, you are the first woman that's always in my heart and always in my mind even though I'm away from you.. I miss you and love you always.."

Still, I didn't reply. It just felt like silent treatment was the best remedy at that time. And since I know he doesn't go and read my page here, I strongly thought he had no idea why I was acting so berserk and giving him that poem, which I thought he didn't understand the intended meanings but the "I miss you" part. After all, he is sometimes (especially lately) one very insensitive man!

So, I didn't text him nor call him. I even ignored him on FB. Then last night he posted up Fluffy's pictures (I saw the postings on the 'home' page). Now THAT, I couldn't ignore! I was missing her so much that I put up my DP of her. The DF knew I missed her so I guess to play the trick, he posted her pictures up. One hell of a smart ass! I left comments on most of her pictures. He didn't reply but he texted me this morning. It said:

"Good morning sayang.. Karang ke rumah saja ah.. Lawat Fluffy. Rindu ya kan mummy nya tu. Ku balik kelmarin tarus ya bangun yatah ku gambar atu. Mencari sayangku kali tu. Daddy nya pun rindu :)"

"Come home later. Visit Fluffy. She misses her mummy. She woke up when I came home yesterday so I took her pictures. She was looking for you. Her daddy misses you too :)"

So I replied that I would after running errands this afternoon. When I got there, he was already home, with Fluffy.

As usual, we didn't talk about what we were fighting about. We always drop it. That happened again today. Things were the usual. We talked and cared for the cats and such. I'm sure his families hadn't any clue that we were actually in the verge of postponing the wedding. Well, me having that very thought, not him.

Then I went home, Fluffy tagging along. She just didn't wanna be left behind so please God, don't let her give birth when she's with me. I wouldn't know what to do if she does huhu..

When I was about to leave, Sharul leaned forward (he had rolled down the car window before I entered the car) and kissed my forehead. I looked down. I knew he was looking at me. I could feel it but I just couldn't look him in the eye. I didn't wanna weep in front of him.

Then he held my face close to his. He kiss my forehead again and said, "I love you".

My heart skipped a beat. That was the first time in months he said that to me, FIRST. Since the engagement, it was me who initiated the phrase, which he at most times, didn't reply.

I held my tears from falling. I didn't know what I was feeling but I did smile. All the way back home...

The one missed :'((

2010-08-31T23:01:00.002+08:00

i miss the old times
i miss the laughs
i miss the time when
i wish it lasts
i miss when we're together
i miss us then
i miss when you hold my hand
and see me right in
i miss the past
the one we cast
i miss the games
i miss us

i need your time
your one attention
i need your love
your true affection
you made me cry
for countless times
even now typing this
my tears keep falling

will we end like this?
forever like this?
neglecting each other
hurting like this?
why are we here then
when we're not happy?
what are we doing
when we keep hurting?

i can't go on like this
if this is how you are
if i can't make you complete
so why are we together?
where is forever
when our hearts sore?
where is love
when this pain unsorted?

i want to see
to understand
i want me you need
together we stand
hold on tight
to each other
endure this pain
together as one
will that we become??

The last raw!

2010-08-31T22:24:00.008+08:00

I am off the wedding preparations now. He has made me feel like I am the one, the ONLY one doing everything for the wedding. And I hate that! I want him to play a part too. A small part would be greatly appreciated! But nooooooooooooooo! He doesn't!!!

We had a fight last night and he ended up being super quiet. I even nagged asking him to say something but did he reply?? No he didn't! He kept looking at front and driving, like I didn't even exist!!

So that's it! I'm gonna stop from preparing, or even thinking of the wedding from now on until HE changes and gets his ass off doing some helping with the wedding!!

Oh, what wedding??

*copied-pasted from google image*

PS: THIS is still occupying him! Baik tah kawin sama ikan kali!!!

The alerts

2010-08-29T23:25:00.005+08:00

The thing with Ramadhan is when every family is giving out invitations to tahlil and doa arwah for the those who had passed on. My aunt had one last Friday. I didn't go coz I hadn't had my iftar at the fiance's for a week then so I decided to go to his place instead. Then you know with the family gathering and such. Stories came up here and there. Luckily, it's Ramadhan so gossips were exceptional hehe :p

When I got home, mom was telling what Aunt Hjh Isah (my aunt's - who is my mom's sister - sister-in-law) was asking when me and Sharul would be going to her boutique to have our nikah's and wedding reception's outfits measured. She even told mom that couples marrying in December had had their outfits done way before ours. So since then, my brain has gone nuts at trying to figure out how we want ours would be like. I mean, I've bought the Pengantin magazines since June (I think) but I haven't sighted the right styles and fashions that really caught my eyes. But I do decide that I will be wearing hijab at all occasions. Sharul prefers me to anyway and so....

Then comes the caterings for our wedding events. Mom is insisting on Sharul to cater another aunt's service (which provides free packets of biscuits for all guests). His mom wants to see the dishes yet the aunt still hasn't given us the lists and price. I will be getting her service too. I don't have much choice now that mom has made her decision. In fact, I am thankful coz what's left now is me paying the aunt the service, without even have to think of what dishes I would want to serve to the guests, since mom has officially volunteered to look through and decide on them menus.

Now the souvenirs and wedding invitation cards.. We've sent the deposits to Jejen so he could pay up the companies that are making our wedding gifts and invitation cards. It costs us B$500, equivalent to about Rp3juta. I texted him but he said he was in Jakarta, yet to go back to Bandung. I hope the money gets to the right bank account or I would be scratching my head at trying to get extra cash for those deposits! I hope to hear from him soon.....

At Miri yesterday with Sharul, we went to Imperial and Parkson and he helped me look for pairs of shoes for Raya. I ended up buying only a pair. At Parkson, he chose a pair of Bonia shoes, which he found pretty nice and well designed. We also looked at some men's. So, we decided to come down to Miri again next month to buy those last few items for our hantaran. Mom will be joining. I bought two samples of gift bags for my Berbedak Ceremony. Remember when I wrote about her continuing worry over my gifts for the guests? The one she keeps on adding on? Well, I found two bigger gift bags and she likes one of them (I prefer the other one though but then again, I don't have much say *sigh*). I hope we'll get discounts when she's coming next time coz she's really good at bargaining eheeeh ;p

I've Googled on "Malay wedding gowns" but still haven't found what I wanted. I guess I'll continue tomorrow... Now, time to bed... I hope I'll dream of a nice wedding gown. Two nights ago I dreamed of a beautiful wedding bouquet of lilies and red roses :D I guess mine will look like that on my wedding day and night receptions heeee :D

The backfire!

2010-08-18T16:05:00.010+08:00

I drove back to one sole theraphy I have now: the cats! At DF's, who is now still working, the cats are caged LoL! They must have annoyed babah for some reasons hehe. But Fluffy was there at the door welcoming me. One look at her made me go smiling all the way. Yes, I am in love with this Queen! Whiny is still sleeping now at the cats tree house. The aircon is doing so good at making them quiet now. And the cage LoL!

After Zuhur, I sat down, Fluffy on my lap and I took the phone. I started texting coz I refused to let the pain stay for good this time.

So, reading back the text, it read:

"XXX, come to think of it, damn jua lah aku damam dulu tu but what to do, I did try my best to show up though I was seriously sick. Too bad all that were overlooked. Good for you still being recognised when I have been forgotten. It hurts being treated like shit cematu but who am I to make them see the truth. This year's project pun I can't involve, atu pun if diorang ingat aku jua ah huhu.. Damn it! I hate remembering all these. Thanks to you for bringing it up! What's worse, I can't help my self from thinking, IF I wasn't sick, would I be at least at a higher rank than I am at now? Or better yet, be like an ass kisser like you? Hmm... Toink!"

He did reply. "Forget the past", he said. He thinks I have the potential of becoming a leader (which I personally don't really agree to coz I know my limits and that there are still LOTS to learn). He said, the concerns only "see" mistakes and "forget" the deeds I had done for the whole thing so no point looking back. Well dude, you MADE me remember, remember! Bleurghh!! :$

He ended texting:

"It would be great if you are in my team!! I really want eh! If dapat high rank, definitely I will never forget you..."

For the record, I didn't ask for recognition from him if he ever made it to the top. He made the promises to get me, and our so called "team" to be in his one office. "We would make a strong team", he once said. I'd say, him stating it dreamily LoL! Crazy guy!

He fired me today, I fired him back! Good job Suzi! :D

Now, where's my Queen??? :)

The truth always hurts

2010-08-18T14:23:00.003+08:00

Today, just now, I felt like I was slapped in the face. With hollow laughter, I listened to that one thing that had haunted me the past years but with a blunt comment from a someone so close, the impact I get is like BAM!! A big ouch on my side personally.

I knew that if I wasn't sick 2 years ago, I could / might be a somebody today. "Would have been a high rank" he said. Am I to blame when I was dying of my sickness at that time? Am I so unfortunate for being unable to be there at the peak of the project? What power did I else have than trying my best, though at my limit, to be there to at least show up?

Saying the truth to my face did catch me on alert. Now the regret is raining over me, again. I have lost a lot it seems now.

Thank you friend for pointing out the past. Thank you friend for stating the truth. Thank you for bringing it up when I had tried so much in me to forget the so called "mistake" that I made.

Thank you so much.

The bad dreams

2010-08-16T04:59:00.003+08:00

Alhamdulillah, I just had my sahoor. I did wake up earlier. Thanks to that bad dream I was having. I seemed neverending coz I remember waking up crying but as soon as I went back to sleep, the nightmare continued its phase. I also remember asking my self, why am I crying, seemingly subconscious at that time, hugging little Garnette soundly sleeping next to me. Fluffy also woke up as I turned to my right, probably wondering why her master was crying in the middle of the night.

In my dream, I was witnessing the most disgusting scenes. I saw my dearest cousin's hubby having an affair with another: but NOT with a girl. I didn't wanna say it coz it just hurt so much. In that dream, I swore to tell my cousin of what I had just seen but he stopped me, begging in tears. I felt disgusted! Yet at the same time, as I saw the cousin come to the scene after the argument, I went tongue tight. I didn't know how to start or what to say. It had hurt me much knowing the truth, what's more her if she did find out. This is when I woke up and turned to the felines for a console.

Later on, as I drifted back to sleep, the scenerio came to image again. We, me and the cousin, were visited by Danny, a dear friend. I so wanted to tell him everything, hoping that he would give me solution to what I should do about the matter. He didn't get the hint, the very opposite of how the real Danny would react to any of my ideas. I was so upset and wondered what on earth was going on.

Then I woke up with a loud text coming from my dad waking me up for sahoor. I was glad they happened in the other side of my subconscious brain.

Thank God it wasn't real!

The must-have kuehs in Ramadhan

2010-08-15T14:18:00.008+08:00

Here are two recipes from our kitchen especially in Ramadhan: the "Kueh Cucuk" and "Kueh Putri Mandi". I just observed mom and sister doing the mixing up but later on did some helping out shaping the mixed flour into balls or kuehs. Good luck at trying them out girls! :)

The ingredients:

1. 2 big spoons of tapioca flour / tapioca starch

2. 1 tin of Ayam Brand coconut milk (santan) cream

3. 1 teaspoon of apple green colour

4. 1 teaspoon of "perasa" pandan leaves

5. 1kg of (shredded) coconut

6. Sugar to taste

--> The mixing:
Mix the flour with the coconut milk, colouring and pandan taste.

--> The shaping of "Kueh Cucuk" into tiny green balls..

--> The shaping of "Kueh Putri Mandi" with sugar filling..
--> Then cook both ball shapes into boiling water in a pot..Tips: the kuehs are ready when they have floated about after a few minutes

-->Separate the two:

--> "Kueh Cucuk" balls to be mixed with shredded coconut that has been cooked with sugar..
--> And mix "Kueh Putri Mandi" balls with shredded coconut that's been cooked without sugar..

--> "Kueh Putri Mandi" on the left and "Kueh Cucuk" on the right <--

:) GOOD LUCK! :)

The lacking

2010-08-12T23:28:00.005+08:00

I am sooooo jauh hati with the DF now. He has grown interest in a new hobby now: keeping fighting fish, of any kinds and colours. He's befriended a colleague, whom I don't really admire coz sorry to say, he's too childish to hang out with. But too bad DF's car is still in the garage that he's spending more time with the kid coz he's in need of a transport to work. And yesterday, I gave DF a call over lunch time. I was surprised knowing that he was in Miri with the kid and another one, whose name sounded like an Indonesian. So I was like, inda kraja kah today? And DF said, "temporarily out", whatever that means!

Then later that afternoon, DF came home with a handful of fighting fish in bowls, assisted by the kid. I was like, more fish pets?? I know they cost nothing (some fighting fish costs $1.50 each) but it's the time he spends with the fish that is a big loss for me. And with the increasing number of fish and its tanks now, I swear I could see his money dancing around with the creatures in the water!!

And just now, I checked his FB wall. Guess what's posted there ..... Him commenting on other fish owners' photos. So I guess he's planning yet another purchase of those scales. I am jealous coz he prefers them than me now. It's like, he's marrying THEM but me!

Our wedding is in 4 months. We still have a long list to do. I need his attention. Jauh banarrrr hatiku ni kamuuuu~~~ :"(((

The long awaited day

2010-08-11T22:42:00.005+08:00

Tomorrow will be 1st Ramadhan when it'll be 2nd for both Indonesia and Malaysia. It seems that Brunei is located at the other side of world than being a neighbouring country to the two states above. I remember when I was little, we used to fast and celebrate eid on the same days. When Brunei couldn't sight the moon, if either one of the countries did, we would start fasting or celebrate eid anyway.

Last year, a relative came to visit us on eid from Labuan. We were having our 1st Syawal while there in Labuan it was their 2nd. So he got to experience 2 days of 1st eid jumaah prayers: one back home, and another here in Brunei. It was an amazing experience for him indeed :)

Well, the main thing is, Ramadhan is here again, alhamdulillah. Ramadhan Mubarak everyone. May this year's be the one coming with barakah and rahmat to us all aamiiinn.. :)

The good news

2010-08-10T12:40:00.003+08:00

My alarm clock wasn't working today but luckily Danny texted me. It was 6:45am and I was like, WHAT! I read his text and then off to shower. It took me a while replying his message. It was good news and of course I was happy. He's just been promoted as a Deputy Principal at his school and as his best friend, I am super happy for him. I admit I have a clinch of envy in me. I mean, who wouldn't want to be promoted right.. Well, congrats buddy! I am proud of you :')

I didn't manage to go get the Kursus Kahwin form yesterday. I had forgotten that I had to attend a sharing session in Gadong. I was hungry coz I didn't get the time to have a bite at lunch time: I had to update the boss on cases that me and my members handled yesterday morning. Complicated ones, which left one of my men in a dilemma. This is what happened when one did NOT listen. Well, anyway, the sharing session was awesome (despite me in empty stomach and having migraine - the condition I always end up in when I am hungry). I learnt dozens of ways at teaching my SAP level reading. Then again, it would involve money and so.... well, I will find ways!

I am off to another meeting in an hour. It's the follow up meeting of last week's course. My group and I will have to share what we've got from the course and present in front of teachers in the area that we will be assigned in. I had fun with The Heroes last time. I am sure I will have a blast this time too :D It will be tiring no doubt but it is the sharing part that I always enjoy. I hate keeping things for my self, especially ones that are beneficial to the rest.

Last week, as I was done marking their test papers, more than half of my classes failed the test. I wasn't angry. Rather, I asked my self, what have I done wrong? I have spent much of my energy out to try reach and teach my kids. Whatever I learnt in courses I attended, I would try use them as much as I could with the aim to help them pass the tests and exams. And so I told each and every one of the students to write whatever they think of the paper, the questions, and even me as their teacher. I told them to write anonymously to enable them to express what they've wanted to say to me in the paper, even to curse me as they wish to do. If they think it's my way of teaching that's resulted to them failing, they should say so in the paper. I gave them 10 minutes to do so.

The results?

ALL of them blamed themselves for failing!

ALL wrote down that I am their best teacher, that they understood what I had been teaching them.

They failed because they didn't understand the passage.

They blamed themselves for not knowing much vocabularies.

I couldn't believe what I read! What does that leave me?

And so recently, I lent my teen's years story books (and my sister's) to my students. They're old but still in good conditions (my sister and I only read the books once then left them in our home shelves to rot!). Since our school is new and is short of books in the library, it's hard for me to build interest in my students to love reading. So I had a browse through our home library, checking our books out (those that are suitable of course) and lent them all to the kids. Today, I asked them what they think of the books they've borrowed. They answered, "They're fun teacher!" :) As I left the room, a student came after me, with an R.L. Stine's in her hand, asking me the meaning of the word "suffocate". I find this amazing! I mean, my students read!! :'D

I've got to go. All good now. I hope it will always be.

The (long) list??

2010-08-08T20:57:00.006+08:00

Alhamdulillah, I am now better. The visit to Lawas ended me up sick. Real sick. But after that prompt traditional massage (which left me having a really bad bad dream that night), alhamdulillah, I am fine. Now I am left with a slight cough and flu, but no more asthma. That's the "better" part that I meant :) I can breathe easily now compared to last week. Having Ramadhan in two days, I think I can survive the days without my puffer now :)

Last Friday I got the text from Jejen, our Indonesian middle man, who has been helping us with our wedding invitation cards and souvenirs. The bad news was, price of stuff in Indonesia has gone up and so, we have to pay extra pennies to our bookings and orders :(( So yesterday DF and I went surveying for invitation cards. Blimey! They cost twice the price we got from Jejen!! So, we have finally decided to just carry on with the orders and bookings, though we have to pay more huhu....

I've got MUAs for all my wedding functions (yes, pluralized! - we have to go through 5 different wedding ceremonies - which means, more cash out uhuk uhuk!!). So far, on estimation, I've spent around 10k on wedding souvenirs and hantarans. Mom has helped a lot with the souvenirs: last night she added some more gifts to the ones we bought in KK last June *sigh*. This is what happened having a worried mom! She worries so much that the guests would say this and that to the ones we've prepared. The more weddings she attended, the more she wanted to add to mine *sigh*. Well, layan saja tah. Bukan nya mau dilarang hmmm...

I pity Sharul for having to spend more than me. First, he has to give me the 5k Belanja Hangus. Then the Langkah Dulang. Also the Tanda Kasih, which is an addition of another 5k... The hantarans for me have cost him another 3k... And more to come, the caterings of his 5 functions. Then the photography packages (which are on discounts - I am blessed having cousins who are into this kind of business :D), and wedding costumes and stuff (which we agreed to share). That will cost us another 1.5k each. Sometimes we felt like we have overspent our budget for our wedding. Yet it always leaves us feeling like something is still missing.... Hmmm......

So, things to be done after Eid (November the latest):

1. Register for Kursus Kahwin
2. Pay the wedding packages
3. Pay the photography packages
4. Decorate our hantarans
5. Wrapping gifts (which will be posted here from Indonesia by October)
6. Preparing lucky draws presents
7. Book honeymoon packages
8. Book hadrah and guling tangan (for wedding)
9. Book Fred's and Fay's dancers, deejay and memukun team (for night reception)
10. Wedding invitation cards to guests

Okay, I didn't realize I still have 10 things to do yikes! Is there more?? But it's decorating hantarans that will occupy most of my time. The rest, I think, I can do in a blink of an eye.. I think..... huhu.....

I hope things will go on well. I mean, I am not in the so called panic mode yet. I don't know why huhu.. I think I've been in the comfort zone for far too long that I don't feel worried much about all the wedding preparations. Should I worry?? Ayoyo!!! Suzi, wake up laaa!! Huhu....

Ok, list no1 to be done tomorrow afternoon. Set!!

The painkillers?

2010-08-01T19:56:00.004+08:00

Yesterday's presentations went ok but I didn't contribute much in the afternoon one as my coughing had gone worse by then: I coughed every time I opened my mouth so we decided that I'd be excused. Thanks to the girls who were so thoughtful. They even found me a bottle of water to ease my trouble with breathing. At times, I'd sneak out to the restroom to take 2 puffs of the inhaler, which could relieve my suffocation for an hour at most. After break time, I vomited the food I had just eaten. I guess my body is reacting to whatever I've taken in, how ever it would help, or not. By 4ish, I had gone feverish.

DF took me to Bridex after a quick meeting with a friend, Joanne, at Twelv in Qlap. It was a cold evening that I had started shivering. We made it quick: an hour and a half and DF bought a special cutter (for $10, to complete his next mission of building an aquarium for his ever growing fish collections), and a slimming balm. It's supposed to flatten his bulging tummy in 14 days LoL! We'll see if it works to him or not hehehe :p

After Bridex, we spent another an hour and a half with my friends at Bombay Palace in Batu Bersurat. Our dinner was quick coz I really had to go. I was feverish still and my coughing had gone much worse. I was struggling to gasp as much air as possible through chats. It was Ain's request for a meet up before her delivery next week. Unfortunately, only me, Lulu, Leng and Johnny could make it.Baby Alyssa was so friendly compared to the last time we met her. I had to hold my self from hugging her, afraid that I'd infect her with my cold and cough. She waved and flew a kiss when me and DF left. Cute kid!

At home, I embraced my self with wet towels, hoping that my fever would finally fall. I purposely didn't want to see the doctor coz if I did, I'd be given an MC. I am avoiding that coz one, I have another afternoon course tomorrow, which is compulsary for me to attend; and two, I had gone for a week and an addition of a day or two off would give me a bad image. Besides, I had had 3 days MCs altogether this year. Being labeled as "chipsmore" by the admin people is the last thing I wish for.

I woke up at around 3am last night. My fever had gone low and my coughing had been better. Thanks to colleagues' recommendation to try Hurix's Gamat Cough Syrup. It works miracle to me. I could also use lesser puffs of the inhaler. I didn't want to overuse it. And I could feel lighter at the back of my neck (I was seeing stars yesterday at the workshop, indicating that I had a high bp) with Fluffy as my company for the night. She was so attached to me when at the same time tried to let herself free from the damped towels and t-shirt that I was wearing. She never failed from making me feel stress-free.

Today, with no fever but a chill, I had a body massage. The aching muscles were treated thank God coz the pain was burning into my bones all night. By midday, we were off to The Mall to watch "Salt", which we enjoyed. Angie is always a hottie! Coz of the cold temperature in the cinema (I was wearing a thick jacket but it was my waist down that was chilling badly), I have been suffering from muscle aches again, especially at the thighs and knees. On the way home, after dropping off stuff to my brother's house at Bunut, I vomited the lunch that I had had today. Luckily I have always had plastic bags a.k.a my cheap rubbish bin in the car or else the image will be ugly.

Now, I just woke up from a quick evening nap. My legs are killing me! The aches seem to be attacking my bones :( DF is on his way buying me Tokusen the muscle patch. I hope it would heal the pain for good..

With all the sufferings that I am having, DF concluded that it could be the impact of me being in unfamiliar places: at my uncle's whom we rarely visit except during eid, and the Lawas trip last Friday. But I was insisting on saying that I might have had food poisoning coz I have the symptoms so clearly. One, the countless vomits and visits to the loo to pee and pass motion; two, the high fever; and three, the muscle pain. I have tried almost everything and so far, only the coughing syrup has shown its miracle.

I guess it leaves me with paracetamol, the tablets I so much try not to take. I hope I will do better by tomorrow coz it will be a long day at work :(((

The allergy?

2010-07-30T23:32:00.004+08:00

I just got home an hour ago after a long trip to Lawas. We visited SMK Merapok. The journey by boat was the usual, me being excited and all, especially with the cool fresh breeze in the morning. We left the jetty as early as 6.20am. A bus awaited at Bangar jetty, which is brand new. It was not open when we were in Temburong last December. Well improvement there I must say :)

Then the trip was spoiled when the veterans bought the strong scented durians sold just outside the jetty. I was like, WTH! So the 8 hours trip, to and from Lawas was accompanied by the unfavoured smell. What's worse, after the visit at the school, more durians boarded the vehicle, giving even stronger scent. Two teachers suffered from migraine today because of it and me, I had asthma attack. The smell was so strong that it gave me such impact. I was cursing silently seeing dozens of the fruit being carried to the bus.

By 4.30pm, we reached Bangar. My plan to catch the boat ride back alone to Bandar failed: the jetty closed soon as we were there. So, I had no choice but to spend another 3 suffocating hours on the bus back to Kuala Lurah. I was in hell! This is what happened when an extra 30 minute duration was spent on shopping at the market at Lawas!! I was soooo angry!!

Thank God Sharul was on time picking me up in Bandar. With the cold rainy weather, my condition would have gone worse. He took me to a restaurant for me to have some hot soup. Obviously I was shivering with fever. When I got home, mom even directed me to go to the hospital. But I need to be in bed soon. One, I am very tired, and two, if I agreed to, I am sure I would be given an MC. I can't do that because I need to be present at tomorrow's course presentation. I hope I will be fine tomorrow. The course is from 7am til 4pm..

I better hit my bed now. Wish me luck peeps! Let's hope that I don't dream of sea of durians tonight. Now I know I am allergic to it :(((

The good sleep & the stupid dream

2010-07-28T23:22:00.004+08:00

I slept like a baby last night: the very effect I usually get every time after an hour of foot massage. I am having another one as typing this. Painful, at those major points but feels relieved at the same time. I need a full body massage actually. Remember when I said that I am super sensitive when I enter an unfamiliar place? Well, it's happening again. Maybe tomorrow then I'll have that massage, after the course. We'll see. Then again, I will be joining an educational visit to SMK Merapok in Lawas this Friday: another self introduction to a new place. Well, maybe then I'll pay a visit to a massage parlour on Sunday instead..

I woke up a bit early today: 30 minutes earlier than the sound of the alarm clock that I'd set the night before. Thanks to that stupid dream. Remember the entry I posted about how happy I was because one particular colleague who had left the place am working at? Well, he appeared in my dream. It was ridiculous. He came to me, saying "Hi" and we had a quick chit chat. Then he said, "Hey you know what! I found your blog!!" Right then I stammered, as if trying to cover up a crime. The image of the post came crossing my mind and so I went, "Oh boy..." The next thing I knew, I woke up from my sleep. How crazy!

I don't really mind if he does find this blog, and reads that entry and this very post. I don't think I can stop him, can I?

So YOU.. Welcome to this humble page of mine. And have a good read!

Time to bed now. Nitey nite peeps!

The extra Kg.

2010-07-27T23:14:00.006+08:00

Yep! Am not surprised actually seeing that indicator pointing to extra 3 lines of kg. on the weighing scale. I was kind of expecting it, though of course deep inside was hoping for at least it showing the same weight as the one I measured two days ago. This is why I hate going to weddings coz I tend to eat most everything served on the table. I don't know about you but at weddings or any other similar functions, I would choose the food I seldom have at home for example, I'd prefer the 'nasi lemak' or 'nasi minyak' or even 'nasi kebuli' (especially the one with lotsa beef shreads in it) over the plain rice. The reason? We seldom have these kinds of rice at home but plain rice. The consequence? The extra kg.

Similarly, I would choose beef of any dish, 'rendang' or 'black pepper', over sweet and sour fish. The reason? Mom cooks better but she seldom serves red meat or lambs at home. She always says they are next-to-forbidden food in the house. And when chicken korma is on the table, I won't miss my turn having the gravy on my plate of rice. Same excuse, mom says the korma dish has 'santan' or coconut milk in it so it's not healthy. But do I listen? Of course not. It always feels like a must-eat-have dish every time.

So, seeing the extra kg. is like seeing the fatter image of me in the mirror: one quick look then I turn away. In denial? Maybe. Regret? Guilty? Sure.

I feel fatter, heavier, uglier. You name it. I guess I am in my comfort zone now, being happy and all. Maybe the next I know, I am the fattest bride ever! Nightmare. But I just can't seem to stop munching and snacking those guilty pleasures food. I am just too happy to care about how I look now, though I know I'm gonna regret this when the big day is approaching nearer..

I am having my foot massage now, sneaking out my sister's Osim massage machine. My feet feel like they're swollen: fat and bulging. I guess they can hardly carry the heavier me around. I seriously need to slim down to have me feeling better the moment I step my foot on the ground, especially every early morning when I wake up. The pain is burning inside. Every time. I really have gained so much weight!

At the moment, I am attending a week's course on listening and speaking. It's too demanding and overwhelmingly squeezing my brain out. Today, I had a slight discomfort feeling at the lower part of my neck and shoulders. I knew then I shouldn't push my self too much at that session. Maybe the food intake that I'd had has finally shown its effect. I was scared actually but I knew I had to calm my self down and to take it easy. Anxiety won't help with that condition I was in. A quick nap during lunch break had made me feel a lot better. I knew then I should control my food intake from now on. Not for my looks, but for my health.

Ramadhan is coming, which means more good but fatty food. Surely more food intake. I should hold the temptation. I should!

The small serious talk

2010-07-21T23:28:00.007+08:00

Well, by now, if you've been following my blog, I'm sure you know what kind of a guy my DF is. He wasn't like he is now. He used to be into-the-serious talks. Planning this and that for our future. Even listed down names of our children (if we have any later in our relationship), and the kind of house we would love to stay in.

Before, our hobby was going into strangers' houses which were under renovation, or were being built. We would pretend to be a desperate husband and wife looking for the right contractors for our so-called house under plan. So by saying so, we got most contractors fooled as they showed us around the incomplete houses they were building: even gave us their business cards. While in fact, we were just doing it for fun. At the same time, building images of how our future home going to be like.

We don't do that no more. We don't have the time as we used to have. The only day we have now is Sunday. And if we're lucky, going for a dine out or movie on Saturday night. The routine, the hobby, we used to have have now gone. Even when we do have the time together finally, we seldom talk. We just spent the time we have chatting about less serious matters. Joking and laughing as we might. Because me miss each other on weekdays like there's no space at all for things that would spoil the mood or even the emotions.

But today, out of the blue we did have that talk. The one when dreams came in and smiles cracked on our faces, like we used to have before. He was in a better mood as he didn't go to work today. The old good feeling reminisced in between. I could feel my self blushing :') I missed that part of him. And mine.

We talked about how everything had gone as we had planned it to be. How worries are not in our diaries like it used to be anymore. We went on about how our lives would be after the marriage. When we would be ready to have our little juniors. How we would make our lives better: me pursuing my Masters Degree and him with his Degree, jokingly warning me not to go on taking my PHD or he would be exhausted trying to catch up :'D

We even went online looking for the uni we would go to after we tied the knot. 2012 is the plan. He would need to work on his fast track programme and to do so, he needs to take about 10 months. We agreed to do it all in Perth. He thinks it's a good place for us to be in. A year there back in 2004 has made him feel belong to that piece of Australian land. I said, "Let's!"

I am still smiling now. I am happy that we had that little talk. You have no idea how much I missed that moment.

We will make it happen. I will make sure of that!

And I made him to promise: no babies till he wears that graduation hat! As for me, I will be on the move with my Masters' proposal paper next week. The girls will be joining me too. It would be fun I'm sure.

And Sharul shall start getting all prepared for that plan we talked about. He should start making reading a habit coz the course we browsed through the uni website consists of quite tough units.

I have faith in him. He will make it.

We will make it!

I said, "We must do this for our kids. We must."

Yes. We will make it!! :)

The day Tiger got lucky :D

2010-07-15T22:04:00.005+08:00

Again, it was a last minute decision. Last night, DF and I went to Yayasan trying to have a peek of the area where the Comel Cats Contest was gonna be held. It was slightly bigger than the one held at The Mall last Sunday. This made us think twice to bring Tiger to the event.

But today, after seeing the Brunei Meow's wall stating that the registration fund would go to an autistic child whose mother is suffering from Leukemia, so DF decided Tiger to go join the contest. So there we went, 10 minutes after 2pm. We thought we were late but the queue just wouldn't cut short. At 3pm, the registration booth finally closed and by then, Tiger was placed among 39 other beautiful cats at the centre of the small area.

Like Garnette, Tiger was not happy staying in the cage. I couldn't stay with him until our number was called: number 34. By the time I got to reach him, he was already shaking with fear. He didn't like the crowd.

At the judging table, he was checked.

The female judge questioned me, "Did you just clean his ears?"

I said, "Err .. No." ... then an image of Amal cleaning up Tiger's ear came to mind as I remembered DF's text this morning stating that Tiger was being "serviced" a.k.a. groomed.

By then, the judge commented, "His ears are all red. Seems like they've just been cleaned.."

And so I replied, "Yeah .. A bit of polishing .."

She smiled. Dude! I felt like I was guilty at charge! LoL!

The rest of the hour, all the cats were open for the public to see but not to touch. By this time, Tiger was becoming anxious. The neighbouring cat named Handsome was too friendly. He had his paws getting into Tiger's cage and being defensive, Tiger attacked him instead. Luckily, I was fast or else a fight might have occurred. We separated the two and Tiger remained unhappy for the rest of the visiting period.

After the announcement of the winners of kids' colouring contest, it was then the announcement of the cat winners. The long hair category was won by Snow Shoe's Zaraki, second by Faridah's Brian and third Faridah's PM. Forth was won by a cat owner I just met. The couple looked surprised. I bet they didn't expect it. Fifth place was Keisha's Orion, sixth by a cat named Princess.

The seventh ...... Tiger!!

The announcer had to announce his name twice to make us realise that it was really Tiger that got the 7th place! It was so unexpected :D We were so excited that we missed who won the next 8th, 9th and 10th place hehe.

Tiger got a cat food and groom set hamper :D He was lucky having to win the top 10 in this contest. DF's mom and dad were happy too :D It was a good day :)

Tiger, congratulations! :'D

Me taking Tiger to the judging table, calming him down as he hated the crowd..

Tiger with his winning presents :D

The good GOOD news!

2010-07-13T21:13:00.004+08:00

I am happy today. I don't care how it happened, or why it did. All I care about it, HE'S GONE! *wicked laugh* hahhaha!!!

Oh my God! It's like a wish coming TRUE! My hell at work shall end now hah!! The top men are worried sick coz of the "incomplete" project whatsoever. I REFUSED to stay and grasp the rest of the story. I CHOSE to pick just the MAIN GREAT NEWS! Hahahahhaha!!!

I AM HAPPY!! VERY VERY HAPPY!!! LoL!!!

Okay, I sound like a bitch now I know but what the hell! He's G-O-N-E!!! Weeeee~~~~ :'D*taken / copied-pasted from some source when I image googled for "happy funny cat face" hehehhe :p*

The Cats Show 2010

2010-07-11T23:58:00.008+08:00

It was held at The Mall, Gadong from 2pm till 6pm. We didn't expect the large crowd. Apparently Facebook has given Brunei Meow great promos on this event that most came wanting to see the cats on display.

Garnette was excited. At home, she was even spending most of her time in her cage, pushing away Fluffy, Tiger and Luna from joining in - the three were showing signs of "worries" seeing her in the cage alone, especially Fluffy. But as she went in, Garnette sent her away LoL! In the end, the three felines left her there by herself heheh :p

In the car, Garnette was anxious. Now she was worried! It was her third time on a road trip and so seeing the outside moving object somehow made her curious. She meowed and jumped here and there wanting to see everything, refusing us from taking her into our arms. Finally reaching The Mall, and eventually putting her on display, she had started to go more anxious.

She hated the attention.

She hated the crowd.

And she hated the small and humid space the most.

During the third hour of the show, she chose to ignore every moving beings around her and dozed off. We were worried of her condition - she had shown sign of stress as bits of her fur had loosen scattering on our shirts - so we took turns taking her into our arms to calm her down. We took her away from the crowd so she could get some air. But this even attracted more visitors to have a closer look at her: taking her photos, touching her and for some daring ones, even asked our permission to cuddle her. We couldn't say "No". We know that Garnette is irresistible..

We took her home an hour before the event ended as the air gone hotter at the end of the day. It's just too humid. Some cat owners also took their cats home the same time we were getting out things together. It was a great event but I'd say, it would be much better if it was held at a more spacious or open space area. Our cats need air and next time, a barrier should be put before the cages. Some public just couldn't be bothered to follow what the organizer had been telling every visitor: "Do NOT touch the cats". As for me and DF, we didn't really mind having people admiring our cat but at times, it's just too much, especially when this old lady suddenly came up to me and grabbed Garnette off my arms! I was like, "Excuse me lady!" and took her back. Macam appaa~~! Sipun ku sporting bagi urang ramai begambar sama kucing ku p mun kurang ajar cematu, bagi marah jua tu dangggg!!!

Well anyway, it was a great experience today. Hope to see more of such event in the future. The organizer said that Borneo Cats Show might be held here in February next year. He's trying his best to make it come true. I hope he'll make it coz it would be amazing having CFA judges to judge the participating cats :D And of course, would be lovely to see cats from around Asia joining the competition! Like our experience seeing one in KK last month :)

Next 15th July's competition will be held in Yayasan, from 2pm to 5pm. We haven't decided to join in or not. If we do, we'll take Tiger this time.

Garnette seems traumatized after today. She has been avoiding me and DF huhu ....

At home: Garnette couldn't be separated from her cage ..In the car: curious of where we would be taking her ..Garnette showing sign of stress: she kept meowing and wanting us to take her out of her cage .. kesian :(Giving up, she dozed off, ignoring the crowds and the heat ..The last hour of the event, I had her in my arms all the time. The crowd was just too many that she seemed suffocated in the cage ..Azad from Azad Cattery recognised Garnette: he owns Garnette's ancestor :DGrooming tips from Edian Cattery :)

The coping-with-stress period

2010-07-10T22:28:00.005+08:00

So, apart from me still sick and coughing, with on-and-off migraine and asthma attacks, I have been struggling with the pressure on the coming wedding since that day I got the text message from our middle man in Bandung concerning our wedding souvenirs and invitation cards. We'd chosen the card we wanted, only to find out that it costs us an extra amount because of the lengthy "wakil berharap" lists. Honestly, I don't really like the idea of having the 3-4 pages of name lists in our invitation cards but our parents said, it's a MUST! And so, we both will have to pay the consequences *sigh*

Yesterday, I took mom and Sharul to Miri, trying our luck with cheaper cards while that middle man in Bandung is collecting samples of similar yet cheaper ones to be posted to me next week. In comparison, the ones he offered are way cheaper than those we found in Miri but we'll see. When we find it better looking and of better quality then we'll go back to Miri and cancel our order. These whole cards hassles are just frustrating. Ordering ones locally is out of question: they are just ridiculously expensive!!

I found two websites on wedding cards which are based in KL. I am waiting for their email replies. Whichever is cheaper, that will be our choice. Our budget for wedding cards is below B$300.. Hope that's possible though.. Thanks to that "wakil berharap" lists!! Pffttt!!!

I finally had a foot massage just now, which made me feel a lot better. The migraine is still here but not as bad as this afternoon. DF took me dinner and for a while, my coughing had stopped. Thanks to this cough syrup he bought be tonight :) Chinese herbs are always the best! Though I am still suffering from bad coughing but it's gone lesser since. I don't want to go to the hospital for another check up simply coz I don't want to waste my time waiting, which I know would cause me in more pressure than I am now. You know I am not a patient lady!

Anyway, DF decided to bring Garnette to the Cats' Show at The Mall tomorrow. It's not a competition and entrance is free. She'll be the only peke-nose cat joining tomorrow, Snow Shoe said. DF thought that it would be good to expose Garnette in such event before we enters her in more Cats Shows in future. She's just a kitten but we're sure she'll have lotsa fun! :D

What more do I need to cope with this stress that I'm having than be there with beautiful cats around!

The coughing continues ..

2010-07-06T23:50:00.002+08:00

.. and the sneezes. So I had wrongly assumed that the flu was vanishing. The past week I had been trying to cope with cough, the cold and in the middle of the nights, the asthma attacks. That's the worst!

The ventolin pills have finished a few days back and now I am back using the puffer, which to my worry, has not given me much impact. I still feel the wheezy chest and my breathing gives out soft whistling sounds *sigh*. I am coping and how I wish I could go out and do some hiking. I know it sounds dangerous at some point but in the past, hiking really helped me. I didn't experience asthma attacks through my hard breathing up on the hill.

I wish the rain will stop soon. I miss the sun. I miss the warm weather. I miss the parks.

I need to exercise my lungs. Seriously I do!

*cough cough* :((

The vanishing flu

2010-07-01T22:15:00.004+08:00

I was feeling a bit weary in the morning but I was blessed with understanding kids in my three classes today, alhamdulillah :) The afternoon CCA was also a blast, though it went a bit slow coz students took so much time on creating their own skit. The end period was involving them doing a pantomime of a local folktale. I had them sing and act coz I couldn't find the only CD that I had of the legend's song. We had fun and we shall continue it next week :)

Eclipse was awesome too today, though Sharul was snoring softly at my side hehe. I don't blame him. It was a slow movie. I mean, I don't fancy much the Bella-Edward scenes. Since this episode showed more of them being alone than the rest, I kind of find the movie a bit boring in between. Why do you think I loved New Moon? Because Bella was mostly alone in there and of course more of Jacob than Edward heheh :p

And Sharul nudged me when I drooled over Jacob's fine muscular figure. Well, what can I say. It's reflex action! Hehhehe :p

By then, my flu had almost gone and I feel better now with less sniffing and coughing yeay!! :D Next week, I shall be on the move! Hiking. Brisk walking. And fasting on weekdays. I need to qada' my missed fasts. I lost count actually but since it's two months left to Ramadhan, I guess, I shall do as many days as I could now. Besides, it's like doing two things at the same time: pay the qada' and me keeping fit and healthy. I need to watch my health coz I do NOT want to rely on the drug pills.

I don't want hypertension to spoil my life! I WON'T let that happen!

I refuse to surrender! ;D

The state I am in

2010-06-30T22:46:00.009+08:00

Sharul didn't go to work yesterday too: his car broke down. I had offered to lend him my car but he had to send me to school first, which he refused coz he had to be at his work station by 7am. The next thing I knew, I was down with asthma and cough that I stayed home yesterday instead. Sharul could've used my Kia to work if I had it coming.. Anyway, I had another sick leave today. Apparently, it was my blood pressure that forced me to stay in bed.

It read: 140/106. I didn't know what to say. 1. Because I can never tell how bad it is with those numbers. 2. I was surprised. Simply because I didn't feel nausea or any headache like I used to have when my blood pressure was bad some time last year.. Besides, when I had it checked last month, it was normal. But now...

I've gotta get on track. And it better stop raining now or I can never get to work my butt out. I miss hiking. I miss brisk walking. But with this wet weather, it doesn't really help much, does it!

I miss the sun. For now, I should start fasting again. At least, the rain will be a great favour with an empty stomach.. That will be by next week coz I am on medication now. I've gotta finish up my anti biotic, ventolin and flu pills within 5 days. These pills are really strong for me: I slept the whole day today. Let's hope I won't be sleepy in class tomorrow..

Another drama lesson in the afternoon tomorrow. Last week's was a blast! Those kids really got talent. It started off with a request to go out of the class and do some chasing games in the school compound. A character was out chasing the rest: whoever she touched on would transform into animals that they desired and would start chasing those who had not become part of the monstrous family. While chasing, they would behave as animals they thought they were: with hand gestures and sounds. A fun game indeed :)

Back in the classroom, I gave the students an assignment: "Bear With Me" I called it. They were given 30 minutes to create a scenario carrying a comedy genre. Divided into two groups, one group was doing a scene in a clinic, another of a recording advert. Both teams were brilliant. I couldn't stop laughing LoL!

I wish that the school would agree to my proposal: the End of Year Concert. It would be lovely having the kids perform on stage. With the talents that they have, I am sure the audience will love them! :)

Hmmm .. I think I shall stop here. Erghh! Now it's time to take the pills... My head is spinning already due to oversleeping the whole day today. Oh God. Have mercy on me. Give me strength to overcome this sickness I am having..

I miss my Sharul :((

PS: Sharul took me out the whole day yesterday. I could tell he was worried about my condition. He took me to the movie, "Frozen", which ended up me upset. It didn't help much when I had to watch some wolves eating up the characters in the movie errghh!! Then we had our dinner after I bought us tickets to tomorrow's "Eclipse". We're lucky getting great seats! Then he sent me home, with Fluffy in my arms. It was a lovely day. And I miss them both dearly now :((

PPS: Happy birthday to my brother, Saiful Rizal a.k.a. Abo. I pray that happiness shall stay with him and wife forever. Can't wait to see our little niece/nephew :'D

The unfavoured..

2010-06-29T08:43:00.001+08:00

It's 8 past and I am in bed when I am supposed to be at work. I woke up with not just the flu (which has since stuck with me almost a week now) but also a bad cough and the worst, asthma. I thought, I should stay in bed today. My body is weak and the moment I open my mouth, the intense it gets for me to cough. So unfavourable!

I am tired. The weather is bad this time too. Yesterday also drained my energy out. We had to facilitate a professional development right up til after 5pm. I was out of breath by then. Sharul took me to the massage. I felt better a bit then off to bed. The next 8 hours, I found my self asthmatic. So I thought, I need rest. My body is controlling my mind now. I'm unfit and as much as I need to be with my students, my body needs to attach to my warm blanket. I feel like an old lady!

I hate feeling inferior this way but I know there's not much I can do. Sunday was a long day but alhamdulillah, dear sister, Nurul, and Ede are now officially and happily engaged. We all stayed up late the night before the day to do touch ups and such. Embarrasing when there aren't enough chairs for all the guests. Thankfully, our immediate kins care enough to provide theirs for Ede's side. So at night, Nurul treated our uncles, aunts and kids at Soto Tinis Restaurant at Jalan Bedil. Everyone was grateful. My sayang stuck around too. I felt amazingly complete now that he's part of us by being there the whole day :')

If only my body is unweak, I would still feel the same as the recent Sunday. The condition I am in could also be the impact of yesterday's shocking experience at work: a female student being possessed by this so called kid spirit named Mimi. I wasn't afraid when she was screaming and shouting uncontrollably over the recitation of the Quranic verses. It was that very afternoon that I started feeling weary. I guess the psychological impact had occured to me slowly.

I am off to the clinic soon. I wonder if my lil brother, Azri, has gotten ready or not. The World Cup fever is not much favourable lately. You know what I mean. It's kind of disappointing having kids, especially boys, with red eyes and passive in class when I was there standing at the front, struggling to get my voice out to teach with the flu that I am having.

So unfavourable..

The reasons behind the silence

2010-06-23T22:42:00.005+08:00

Hi all. The two weeks holidays have just ended. Schools are reopen *bummer* and I am struggling at going to bed and waking up early now. The past three days were difficult. Colleagues commented that I looked weary even in smiles or laughs. It must have been obvious! Having PMS also didn't help much. Hope to get my energy back soon, coz tomorrow is CCA. I've to be on-the-move coz I am supervising Drama lessons for the kids. I've to act and be at their level: being a kid. And energy is all I need to be one.

I wanted to blog during the holidays but things got so hectic that I found my self going here and there, doing this and that. The next thing I knew, I was preparing lessons for this week. No wonder friends were complaining about their wedding preparations. Now I get what they meant. It was hard work. But it's not bad so far. I think I managed ;) Last week alone, I drove to Miri 3 times looking for stuff for the wedding. Good thing was, Sharul could save some cash for the wedding at his side. Good for him! I spent more for mine but never mind. What's important is, they're all done! Yeayyy! :D

Since the engagement, I had planned everything. I don't want to burden my parents. I want to do it all my self unless when advice is needed. Being away most of the time due to overtime at work, Sharul can't help much with everything. I understand. But now, I've covered most of the important stuff for the wedding. On counting, we have 6 months for the big day. Now we can relax a bit I guess :)

I got stories to share and pictures to show but with the condition I am in now (this sore throat that seems to stay with this hot-cold-hot weather), I guess that can wait.

And tell you what. I told mom where we're gonna have our honeymoon, she said, "ikuuut!!" LoL! Hmm.. I guess I am still her baby girl ;)

The next on the feline line : )

2010-06-02T18:06:00.005+08:00

Introducing our new cat Garnette, borned on 25th February 2010. We took her home last 28th May 2010.

We thought Garnette was a male (the ex owner thought so too) but as we reached home, we found that it's a SHE so Garnette now is Geisha but it seems that we all prefer calling her Garnette though it's a name for a a male cat :P

So Garnette is Geisha, and Geisha is Garnette : ) Enjoy the pictures! :D

She's taking after her father's looks and features

We love her big eyes!

Tired after running here and there chasing after her senior cat family :D

Garnette@Geisha sleeping on her cert. Ain't she adorable! :D

PS: The day we took her home, Sharul's dad was opening the door. He fell in love with her right away, shutting Sharul's mom up from making any comments hehe --> She actually had warned Sharul NOT to add anymore member to the cat family. Now, FORTUNATELY, she's well accepted and loved. She's even sleeping in Sharul's parents' room at night! Heee :D

The time vs me

2010-05-31T22:26:00.002+08:00

Everybody seems to feel the same lately: time flies. It's like next week is becoming tomorrow. I am on track but somehow, I need more time to do this and that. I am in the middle of marking exam papers. And with the new O'Level marking scheme, man! I guess time will let me find this new scheme familiar with so my marking will not be as slow.

I feel like writing more. There are lots of stories to share these past weeks but I don't seem to get time to finally sit down and write them all up in here. 3 more days to school holidays then maybe, I will start actively blogging again. I will be flying in to KK with my family this Thursday. Sharul can't make it because he has to work overtime til next week :( If only changing name to the ticket is free, I would bring his sister to replace him instead. At least, she could help me choosing the best gifts for the guests on our wedding.

I need to buy the "bunga telur": here it costs B$1.80 each! Bloody expensive!! I hope to get a cheaper one in KK. I couldn't find any in Bandung and Jakarta last time. "Bunga telur" does not exist in their tradition I heard. I remember buying "bunga telur" for my brother's wedding last year at Masjid India, KL for as cheap as B$0.50cent each! I know it's only a few cents difference but I just need to save as much penny for the big day. I don't wanna depend or hope for assistance from my families. I know they already have their own responsibilities..

Next on the list, accessories for our hantarans like flowers, pins, butterflies, etc. I just can't spend my money to buy them here! Mahal gila!!!! I bought many glittery and colourful ribbons in Jakara, also pearls, so that's done! What's next? Gifts for the guests during my "berbedak" ceremony. I hope I could get affordable price there in KK. Or else I'd have to buy them in Jakarta-Bandung again this coming September. I need to go there again to collect my wedding invitation cards and the gifts I bought last March. I hope it won't be excess baggage..

Right, I feel "lighter" now. This page has always been my therapy. Now back to marking *yawn*

The wedding hassles

2010-05-28T22:05:00.006+08:00

It felt like a knock in the head some time last week when I realised how time's gone so fast. Next week is June then come July and the last thing I'd know, the next day will be January! This really got into me. At a wrong time actually coz I was stuck in a four day convention. The time I had left were late afternoons and so I couldn't do much. But whoever created phones and text messages are brilliant!! Also Facebook! In between rest and naps, I managed to find sources for my wedding.

So now, it's 80% done. I recently managed to get photographers for my wedding and related functions. The cost is within the budget alhamdulillah. In the coming days, I hope to get make up artists for my nikah, berbedak and bersanding ceremonies. So far, I only managed to get one for my ambil-ambilan ceremony. Last week was stressful coz the one make up artist I wanted has been booked :( But she will be available for my ambil-ambilan. The problem is, she doesn't have enough hair accessories, when I plan not to wear scarf that night *sigh* We'll see then!

Now Bangkok is not safe to go to so DF can't make his flight there to buy souvenirs for his guests. Today, we decided that we'll go down to Bandung again. InsyaAllah, we will be in Jakarta on 4th Eid. Louie will be joining us. I am going to Sabah next week for the same intention. DF can't make it coz he has to work overtime till mid June :( My parents will be coming along though.

Oh to update, my nikah will be on 1st January 2011 and the wedding will be on 9th January 2011. The nikah will mark the anniversary of our engagement and the number 9 represents the 9 years that we've been together by then. InsyaAllah :')

For the moment, I shall focus more on losing my weight. Thanks to the recent convention I attended: I've gained 3kg!! You see, when the brain is full on resources and ideas, the physical is just too exhausted to do anymore work but eat! I just couldn't resist the temptation due to stress *sigh*

I foresee my self a big fat ass bride!! *tsk tsk*

The moms day 2010

2010-05-09T23:24:00.005+08:00

It was a surprise. Mom and Amit Yah got a Bonia bag each, everybody chipped in. We bought 'em last night. They loved it. Mom was all smiley coz it was the bag she'd been eyeing since it first arrived :D Amit Yah shed a tear: she only has boys and kind of unexpecting his sons would throw her the surprise moms day. Sweet! :) Here are pictures of that day :) Happy moms day!!

I didn't do much cooking .. just this bread butter pudding :)

The moms' cakes :)Lap u babu kameeee.............. :D

Moms with the cakes

The remaining of the food today

The one I shall not forget :')

2010-04-20T22:29:00.006+08:00

It's day 2 of His Highness Prince Abdul Azim's visit to our school. So far, the team's working together at showing the true mood of the school. It's been an alert all the time but exciting at the same time. To actually having the royal blood at present, having to talk with him face-to-face and share our working life with him have been very refreshingly blissful.

Today, we had a number of students gathered in the Conference Room with His Highness. With him were representatives from the MOE: Datin Paduka Dayang Apsah, Director of Schools Cikgu Hajah Aishah and other relevant officers. The session lasted an hour or so. It took a while for a warm up since students were kind of nervous. He's a prince after all. We teachers were nervous too. What's more the kids.

So between session, His Highness asked the students of their ambition. One by one shared it with him: surgeon, chef, musician. Then this boy answered: "Your Highness, I want to be a teacher." His Highness got interested and said, "That's good! So, what do you want to teach?" And the kid answered, "English."

I smiled. As an English teacher my self, it's nice knowing a kid wanted so much to do the one job I do :) And so, the conversations continued:

His Highness: Oh that's interesting! Why do you want to teach English?
Kid: Because my English teacher inspires me to become one, Your Highness..

Now, here is when my smile faded. Not that I wasn't happy. I was shocked! That kid, the one talking with the royal, was my student! I was like ... Hey .... that's ME he's talking about! He didn't stop there. The kid continued:

Kid: She is a good teacher. She taught me well. When I had my PMB Oral Exam last year, the examiner even complimented me.
His Highness: Oh really... that's good!
Kid: Yes, Your Highness. Her name is Teacher Suzi. She sits over there! *pointing at my direction*

And all heads turned my way. I froze! Even more surprised that the kid mentioned my name, and introduced me to the VIPs! I couldn't move!! I really didn't see it coming!

His Highness turned my way and said,"Is it you cikgu?" And I could only reply with a nod. He asked me, "So what did you do cikgu? Oh nevermind! Let's get back to the boy." Turning back to the kid, he continued, "So, what did she do in class?"

Now that totally had me stopped breathing! What did I do in class?? I was like.... OH MY GOD!! I felt investigated right away huhu~~ And so the kid answered:

Kid: Your Highness, she made me understand English better. She taught us formula to make us remember grammar. She helped us improve our English with those formula.
His Highness: Formula? *turned back to me* What formula cikgu? Do you mind sharing?
Me: Owhh.. Well, Your Highness, yes. I use formula especially when I teach grammar. Like for examples, for subject-verb-agreement, the formula are "1 person+action verb+s" and "2 persons+action verb-s". Or for modal verbs, "after can, could, shall, should, will, would, may, might, must, to+action verb-ed-ing-s"
His Highness: *looked puzzled* .... Ermmm ... I don't quite get what you mean there but if it works with your students then it's good! Well done cikgu *smiled*
Me: Yes the formula do help the students. Students do well in Maths with formula so I was thinking, "Why didn't I create formula for grammar?" Those who are good with Maths would find this method helpful because they could relate it to Maths.
His Highness: Thank you cikgu. Very well done *smiled*

And I could only nod and smile while at the same time let out a sigh of ...... satisfaction. Not because he is a VIP. A Prince. But because I was recognized by my own student! Recognition by a student gives you the best feeling as a teacher. Today made me feel grateful. I feel the respect. I feel happy. Very happy :')

Before leaving the building, His Highness addressed me, "Hey, you're the English teacher! I should go to one of your classes cikgu." And I said, "Yes, as you wish." I just didn't know what else to say as I was still overwhelmed with what had just happened :') The next thing I knew, I was walking side by side with the MOE officers. I felt so small but they were proud of me. It was indescribable :')

At the end of the day, one of the directors called me, asking for my full name and contact number. He told me to look into the formula that I've been using in class. He said there would be a convention next year and so he wanted me to present my so-called formula. All I could say was, "If you trust me to cikgu, InsyaAllah." And the next thing I knew, my audience would be principals around Asia! And I would appear on TV!! I was like ....... OH MY GOD!!!

Too many good things happened today. I feel like dreaming!! Punch me people!!! :')

His Highness Prince Abdul Azim talking with one of our students. At his right is Datin Paduka Dayang Apsah.

His Highness shaking hands with the students.

A group photo session with the students. The boy at his right is the kid I mentioned :) He is a good boy himself. He even offered to sing for the VIPs today :)

The count down to 31 ..

2010-04-14T23:49:00.006+08:00

And I thought I am 32 this year muahahaha!! Okay, not funny!

In 10 minutes, I am gonna be 31. What have I achieved at 30? One word comes to mind now: happiness. Yes. I am happy. Though the first half of me being 30 was more of teary scenes and stuff but recently, I am happy, especially after that one major step I made on 1st January :)

I wish to be happier at 31. I will be! :)

Happy birthday to ME!! :D

The Sunday dates

2010-04-11T20:22:00.007+08:00

First, I had to attend a colleague's wedding while at the same time, it's Mas' birthday treat at Secret Recipe. Both happened at the same time. Since a wedding is something that only happens once, I decided to go to the wedding, hoping that I wouldn't be too late to the lunch out with the BLA+1. Sharul went to the wedding as well, as he was invited too. It's very nice seeing my name printed on the invitation card ended with "... dan tunang" :)

Izan was so gorgeous today! We all were surprised seeing her in her wedding dress, all saying, "Are we at the right adress??" She really did look different! Good for her. I guess it's a bride's dream to look extra pretty on her big day :) Selamat Pengantin Baru Izan *hugs* :')

I only took a while at Mas' treat. I'm glad she loves the gifts. I gave her two kains and 3 scarfs from De'iyad as well as two sets of pins and brooches. An extra gift I bought for her in Bandung was a love-shaped pillow, a combination of bright red, pink and yellow :) When I saw it displayed at a toys shop in Paris Van Java, the pillow sort of said: "Take me! I'm Mas'!" And so I bought her the pillow :) Glad she loved it! :D Happy birthday Mas. Sorry I couldn't stay dear ... Oh and thank you for those cool gifts!! Sharul and I were fighting to get a bite! Hehehehe :D

Nope! Not real money.. It's a cookie :D

We fought for the first bites hehe :D

They look soooo cute I don't wanna eat them!! :D

The rest of my Sunday was spent with Sharul. We got nowhere to go so we went to his place, watching a movie with his sisters then finally enjoying the rest of the day with the cats, which I am soooo glad I am not allergic to no more heeee :D But Fluffy was upset with me tonight! I was cleaning up her ears - thanks to those disgusting ear mites! - it must've been very irritating that she refused to communicate with me huhu~~ It's hard to say how a cat behaves when she's upset. You just kinda know. As for Fluffy, she'd turn her head away from me, avoiding eye contacts with me or even worse, closes her eyes and pretends to sleep while I am cat-talking with her LOL! When I left, she was looking at me for a while then had herself turned away. Marah banar ya si Fluffy ahhh! Heheheh :P

Prince Whiny sleeping today .. Nda sadar dunia usulnya! Hehehe :D

The menyamal-ing Fluffy. She looks like this when she does, only worse hehe :P

To sum up, I had a good day today. And Sharul was extra nice to me I must say. He must've sensed my depression phase so there he was playing a role making a smile on my face :') He made me feel ... "How nice having someone taking care of you, especially when you're in need of a friend and a partner all at the same time".

Thank you sayang. You know I love you deep :')

The consequence...?

2010-04-10T23:03:00.003+08:00

Just got home now. Sharul insisted on bringing me to RIPAS Hospital just now as today I had the asthma attack .. the usual consequence I get when I am very depressed. I was doing better after consuming the anti-biotic pills last week but today, my condition had worsen. Have I gone allergic to my cats? Please don't .. They are my dearest therapeutic creatures :(

This afternoon I took Prince Whiny and Fluffy to the vet. At his usual self, Whiny sat most of the time on my chest, though while driving. He refused to be put anywhere else. I guess he found that specific area "comfy", if you get my I mean *sigh* .. and so, to my surprise I realised, I found it hard to breathe when he was near, or to be more specific, when I smelled his scent. That never happened before. Getting on my further experiment, I tried smelling Fluffy. Yep! The same result ..

So I thought, I have grown allergic to them! Oh no .... :(

Later at 8pm, Sharul took me to a traditional massage. I usually see Pak Dollah when I have my sudden asthma attacks. He knows to heal my condition by massaging the points at both my feet. I'd feel better at breathing after an hour of the massage. But I didn't get the same feeling tonight. Having my puffer expired, that didn't help much either. So, Sharul took me to the hospital, after finding two private clinics closed at around 9ish.

Now after two puffs, I feel much better. The coughing annoys me coz every time I do, the asthma attacks right away. The doc gave me the brown puffer, the stronger one, but I just don't want to use it coz as I did in the past, yes I felt much much better, but I found my self weak mentally. I started feeling lost, unsure of things I'd done or simply forgot things I'd said even. Friends and colleagues had suggested me to stop taking the brown puffer fearing that it had affected my condition in other ways. So I had quit using it. Besides, I had been better. The specialist doctor that I used to see did say that one day I would have to stop using the brown puffer if I did feel way better. And so ... we'll see how my asthma condition goes. If it's gone worse then, I shall be prepared with the consequences I got for trying to be better off from the asthma condition.

I should start hiking again I bet. I'm sure my lungs have gone weaker now or I wouldn't get the asthma attack again. The weather has been very hot lately that most everybody has stopped going out exercising.

I guess I should go out early morning at 6am to start hiking. Lulu .. coming??

PS: Good news on the check-ups just now, my blood pressure wasn't high, alhamdulillah. The continuous health diets have proven their success yeay!! :D

The proposal ..

2010-04-09T16:50:00.006+08:00

To update, we haven't decided on any new wedding dates yet. And yes, I have not sat down and talked with my mom about the matter since. I'm sure she's intelligent enough not to mention the topic at this moment. She knows me well when the face says "Drop it!". Menyamal ku masih ni kamuuuu~~ Pffttt!!

Anyway, yesterday, Sharul and I discussed this matter again. To come and think it over, our then December dates were way booked like forever! Now they're taken away, when we were so into it, it's left us with crap! And so, Sharul talked to his mom, whether it's possible if we still carry on with our plans on those December dates, but with different invitation times .. Sharul did most of the talking while I listened, cutting in a few times to support him.

Eventually his mom agreed to go balik kampong and discuss with the other family about our idea, or shall I say, proposal .. I hope she'll bring good news later when I give Fluffy back to Sharul. Yet, I've got to be prepared with a possible bersanding time as late as 3pm ..

Pray for good news for us guys .. aaamiiinnn ...

The "what ifs" ..

2010-04-06T21:35:00.005+08:00

It's been two days and I've been neglecting mom. I only see her during breakfast, and before going to bed. I feel so frustrated, disappointed, upset, you name it, when she just doesn't listen to what I want. She doesn't even try to fight for me.

Yesterday, I went out with Yanti, my cousin, then over dinner, she told me that her mom and my uncle and his wife were at my house seeing mom. So I assumed they were discussing on the changed wedding dates, which are now planned somewhat around the dates of their son's wedding functions. See here. My cousin's wedding functions fall on these dates:

Nikah: 24/12
Berbedak: 31/12
Bersanding: 2/1

Now see our new dates:

Nikah: 1/1
Berbedak: 7/1
Bersanding: 9/1

Do you see any problems there? There isn't any clash of dates. Do you see any?? Yet mom told me, THERE IS! And all she kept saying was: "The elders are gonna complain of the clashed dates." I was like .... what clash???

I've had enough of the changes that I didn't go home right away but went to Sharul's instead. We sat down with a calender in hand. We tried to talk it over but we didn't come up with any new dates that we thought would say "Hey, it's Sharul and Suzi's wedding day". Or maybe we've had enough of the many changes that we've encountered.

At first, it was set to be in October, but we had to cancel it coz my neighbour is getting married on the same date.

Then we moved it to December, which also falls on our 9th anniversary on our nikah day. We were so looking forward to December. I had even told my close friends of those dates. Then came Sharul's cousin begging to his mom to take it over and swap it with her January wedding dates. Sharul and I weren't happy but his mom had given her word to them so ....

But now it seems that,we can't stick to January either.

Then we tried to go back to end of November, again, his cousin just sort of booked the dates that we had left. We were like ... WTH!! Now, I seriously feel like giving up! This whole thing's got me thinking..

What if we take it easy now and forget what's going on .. and learn to "ignore"...

What if we just let it be and let the elders do everything for us, care less of the wedding right up from the start of the wedding dates itself...

What if we just cancel it ... and remain lovers for the rest of our lives...

I said the last line to Sharul last night. He looked away and sighed..

Maybe he was thinking the same..

What if.....

The Sunday blues

2010-04-04T21:36:00.005+08:00

My weekend started early today. I had an appointment at 8am with a traditional masseuse. Sharul picked me up after 8am and as I had guessed, my swollen feet were not normal.

I personally believe in paranormal activities around us. Recent happening at work had forced a colleague to stay home as she couldn't stand on her own .. half paralyzed? I'm not sure. The latest news I heard of her tonight was, she's doing better, alhamdulillah. As for me, the "thing" that's disturbing me I believe is living (shall I say..) in the school hall, where I recently spent time in every afternoon lately for my drama students' rehearsals. I once experienced a sudden nudge on my right hip but as I turned to see who it was, I saw nothing. I knew then that I was being "observed" ..

So, I am now under supernatural medication. I hope things will be normal again .. This is not my first encounter actually. I would be "disturbed" every time I enter a new place, especially when adventuring forests or hiking new hills. But alhamdulillah, so far nothing so severe happened to me other than suffering from body aches ..

I know Sharul is worried of my "weak" condition. He'd be there every time it happened. That is also why he seldom takes me out after dusk as I am sensitive to night weather. Yet it was me who would take any chances going out with him. It's always me making the move to watch late night movies or even dinner. This always ends us up arguing. What can I say! After the engagement, I admit, I have grown too attached to him. Too longing to him. I guess I have suffocated him to some extend ...

Anyway, the argument happened again over breakfast today. I was hurt of course but I knew it wasn't his fault. It's me who's too demanding. But it didn't take long for him to carve a smile back on my face. Today, after such many dates, we finally sat down and had one comfy time at a cafe, me forgetting what had happened this very morning. It was relaxing and I'm sure he felt at ease too like the way I was feeling :')

After movie later on, he even accompanied me to the salon. He must've figured out the pain he had caused me earlier that he let me spent unnecessary amount of money on my hair! I felt like a princess today :) And tonight, I requested him to send me home, which he did! So he was there, in his car while I was driving mine home. I felt safe all the way :')

As I got home, mom and my sister were in an argument. Little that I knew that they were talking about my wedding dates, the postponed ones. Then mom finally said to me:

"Can you change the date to early December instead? January is just too crammed with family weddings.."

"Can't. Sharul's cousins had booked all the weekends of December."

"Change it to end of November then!"

And so, that spoiled the rest of my Sunday.

I called Sharul as soon as entering my room, discussing on our wedding dates with his mom, then bam! Now, we're lost coz Sharul's first cousin has just decided on getting married at end of this November; his mom was just told today (and yes, it's another cousin! They have such big extended families!!).

Finally, Sharul said to me:

"I'll talk to your mom. Don't worry. It'll still be in January as we had planned it. I don't want any change of dates no more. It's final!"

I'm not sure if mom will listen though .. This kind of thing sometimes forces me to think many times to settle down. Why? Coz I just feel that such hassles make my dream shatter bit by bit. Every time ..

Too much ups and downs today. I guess I should go to bed now and I hope to see a beautiful dream later in my sleep .... If I ever sleep ... *sigh* :'(

The latest me

2010-03-31T09:22:00.005+08:00

Well, I am sick *uhuk uhuk* @_@ The more meds I took, the more I cough, especially the Dequadin. I have had sore throat since reaching home from Jakarta - thanks to the passenger sitting at the front seat on the plane! She was sneezing and coughing like, all the way to Brunei! I think I had caught her cold! Chiss!! Having less sleep and rest, I guess my immune system is just weak right now. This is the first time I fell sick since end of 2008 *sigh* Now I am on MC leave. When I saw the doctor yesterday, he warned me to see him again IF I still had not had my voice back by today. He said to forward me to the throat specialist in RIPAS Hospital. Thank God I have it back right after taking the anti biotic pills last night pheww!!

So ... the trip! It was great! I spent a lonesome of cash on my wedding souvenirs - I bought them at a non credit card shop. To convert, I spent less than B$2k for 3 functions alhamdulillah :') It was cheaper than I thought. I would go to Bandung again to pick up the things I've ordered or I'd ask the Indonesian driver we had to post them to me. Either way, I would still go to Bandung again! There are just too many things, cheap things to buy there! :D I love the factory outlets!!

I don't fancy Jakarta. Our time was mostly spent on the road coz of the traffic. We had less shopping there compared to in Bandung. Besides, our driver didn't know much of Jakarta. His home town was Bandung so our days there was way better! We stayed in Savoy Homann Hotel in Bandung. If you plan to go there, do stay in that hotel! The service was first class!! Even mom was making friend with the lobby girl there hehehe :D In Jakarta, we stayed in Ascott Apartment. It's a 5 star hotel but Louie got me the diplomat price :) Thanks so much Louie! Without her, my family trip wouldn't be as smooth :') She was the one arranging our accommodations and transportation. Indonesia is sort of her second home so she knows a lot of people there. I'm blessed! :)

I plan to go to Bandung again this June, right after my KK trip, which is in the first week of the second school hols. This time I'll make sure the Bandung trip to be way before the school reopens. It's my fault for having the trip done a day before the school started. I feel so bad staying in bed now thinking of my students without their teacher in presence :( It will not happen again! Promise!!

PS: I met up with this very very nice fashion designer. She had designed wedding gowns for 3 Bruneian brides in the past. She offered a package of B$10k for the 4 wedding gowns! I was like, NO WAY!! I have had a wedding package here in Brunei, which belongs to my uncle's sister. It's cheaper. Besides, I don't believe in keeping the fancy gowns since I'm only wearing them once on my wedding. I guess it's wiser to rent them then making them. But I might be asking her to design my "baju nikah" since my tailor had gone home now *sigh* She designed my "baju tunang" last December and I liked her work. We haven't discussed the price yet but I hope it will be affordable .. I also might ask for the make-up wedding package that she has. The make-up artist is working with Indonesian celebrities. It has always been my dream to put on the Indonesian style make ups on my wedding functions :) Then again, it's not cheap :( for 4 functions, it would cost me B$1,200. And that EXCLUDING their flight tickets to Brunei and their accommodations *sigh* :(

And owhhh ... To update, the wedding is postponed AGAIN!

Sharul's mum's side of family were on bended knees begging to take our wedding dates since their Singaporean family members could only make it to Brunei on those dates and so, the rest is history *sigh*

It's decided that the wedding will be next year in January. Now let's pray my cousin will be understanding enough to swap the dates with mine coz he's planned to get married in January too yikes!! I hope he won't mind having it earlier in December this year instead ... *sigh*

The powerless me

2010-03-17T17:35:00.004+08:00

This first sentence took me a great sigh to start with. I'll just let everything flow now coz I see this as a therapy. If you find the content here ugly, or makes you smirk or whatever, you may leave this page by clicking the above X button at the top right corner of this page.

I am still trying to calm down now. What happened yesterday happened again today, only worse. I have done what I could following the ministry's guidelines, having no power to erase, delete, change, disobey, what has been stated in the so called "green book". Any decisions made are all based on the book. Any actions taken are all as stated, written, printed, in the book. My self, as a civil service, an officer, is just following what's been instructed. Facts. Nothing else but facts.

But when a party does not agree with the rules, do I have the power to change and disobey the black and white statements in the book? No I don't. When the party rebels and starts calling me names and such, what power do I have? Nothing. Even when I tried to explain, making sense of the content of the "green book", do they listen? No, they don't. So what power do I have left? I am the powerless me. Even the "green book" can't say a word that would protect me. Or any other officers under me. What's left of us?? Powerless! Even when my life was at risk and threatened, where's the "green book"? Did it protect me? No, it didn't. It did NOT!

And so there I was, pin-pointed at, called names at, this and that. And there I was standing right in the front line with one intention to make things clear, yet what did I get? Nothing. I was even threatened. The few minutes of my life today was all about humiliation, insults, threats. Many eyes were on me and the raging party. The more words coming out of my mouth, the more shouts I got and in the end, I was almost punched in the face. I was powerless. Yet I knew, IF the fist did land on my face, the state's rules will protect me. I have faith in that. And I always knew I was never wrong because what I have done was all based on the "green book". With this, I faced them without fear. Not a bit.

I am glad that I have a supporting group, who would stand by me amidst rage and hatred. And I am proud that I could control my self today, when the "old" me would fight back and create a big mess. Another second of screaming on my face today had almost cost me my life: me, punching them in face instead! Alhamdulillah. I am proud I wasn't like them today. I am proud that I didn't look ugly today. Alhamdulillah to that.

Now I am going to tell everything to DF of what happened yesterday and today. I was advised by most that I should file a police report within 24 hours of the threat on me. But honestly, knowing the procedures, it would cost me my time and everything to do so when I have already wasted my precious time on such inferior intelligence party these past two days.

And to have to be dealing with them after my working hours is just the last thing I want to do!

Or I just shall leave my fate to Allah. If the threat does come true, many eyes witnessed it today and Allah will be there to protect me. I have faith in that. Aaamiinnn..

The "unseen" tasks

2010-03-11T23:36:00.009+08:00

And so .. this week's hell for me. Well, professionally I mean. At one occasion, I was standing at my table, looking down at my mountain-high books that I needed to check and without me noticing, I said out loud: "I wanna quit my job!!!" Hearing that, my colleagues in the same room laughed. "Now now, you must be stress Suzi. Take a deep breath," and so I did. Then of course, I laughed too. Gosh. What a hectic week!

It is during this time that I tend to wish and dream that the job as a teacher is just simply ... teaching. My mum was a primary school teacher herself and towards her retirement years, she was sighing of exhaustion and at times, she'd compare the job of a teacher then and now. I am thankful that she was one because she'd understand my being late home as I had to stay till 4pm every day trying to finish up the untouched work. At times, it feels like the day flies so quickly yet too much work is still undone. And at the end of the day, you reach home and bam!! You're out of energy. I am thankful too that I am now used to not bringing work home. Why? I deserve a good long rest after the long hours at work. I keep advising my colleagues who happen to be working under me to do the same as I do. So if you're bringing piles of books beyond the school gates, you better hide them from me if you don't want me to scream at you!

But looking back, I wasn't like this. Too sensitive over stuff and taking other things so lightly. Maybe I am still traumatised for feeling "unwanted" after contributing too much sweat at the previous work place I worked at. I think I don't want to give too much anymore. Or maybe simply, I just can't be the same "me" a few years back. Years ago, my brain and willingness took control of everything: my body, my mind. Now, I guess it's different. Way different. Now, my body is controlling me. Everything about me. I can't push my self anymore. I can't do as much as before. Because I know, if I do, it's me who will have to suffer physically. I now know I shall prioritize my health and shall not push my self too hard. And so, my brain has set that button. Thus, the old "me" has gone. Dead.

Yet, when time is running fast, and too much is unsettled, I'd silently wish that the old "me" is at present. I wanted to have that super energy back so I could do everything and have it done in a second, feeling less exhaustion than I feel now. At times, I admit, I miss the old "me". I miss the time when I enjoyed working and complained less. I miss that super energy. Of course, NOT the workloads.

And I hate parents who seem to "unable" to see how their children behave in school. I hate it most when they blame other kids, even us teachers, for their children's misbehaviour. I hate it when parents do NOT cooperate with the school when they in fact want something in return. These types of parents are making our lives teachers more difficult! If they cannot take care of their own children, the least they can do is TRY to understand that us teachers are looking after 1000+ children in school. Do we complain? Not when these children listen to us.

What we need are, parents' support and trust. Is that too difficult to do?? Especially when we teachers are also their children's P-A-R-E-N-T-S?? I am not saying all parents are not cooperative. Not few are. And I am thankful and I always pray that they will continue to support us, to believe in us, because we teachers only want to achieve that one aim: to see our children grow healthily, mentally and spiritually educated. I am sure all parents out there agree with me. Now, what I don't understand is, why in the world an existence of such parents yang menyusahkan keraja guru?? Chehh!!

Well, anyway, just letting go of my frustration here. Lately, I experienced not once, but many times of uncooperative parents. They really made my day. I am just ... speechless! I pray that less parents would be like that and I pray that "those" parents will eventually see how we teachers are struggling to give the best for their children. Aamiinnn to that!

I am going to enjoy my Friday tomorrow. I need sleep. I need rest. 12 more days to the trip to Bandung is now my way to soothe the hurting feeling I have inside now. I don't hate my job. I just hope that I could handle it better in future and of course, no more uncooperative parents in my diary. No more please ya Allah. Aaamiinnn...

The Junjong BnB new look

2010-03-06T00:52:00.010+08:00

I was over the moon learning that Junjong BnB has had two additional cabins for stay overs so we had our getaways there last 27th February. The cabins are named Sulap 1 and Sulap 2. The name itself is a Bruneian name for cabin or hut or in standard Malay, "pondok". Just the right name for both :)

Each cabin has two rooms: one with a queen sized bed and another with bunk beds. It has a living room, a dining table, a kitchen equipped with kitchen wares, an oven and stove as well as a fridge. The dining room is also provided with a TV and DVD player. The cabin is air conditioned too. The bathroom is big with toiletries (of shampoo and shower gels), towels and a heater. In short, the cabins are meant for a family getaway :) There's also a story book meant for kids in the bunk beds room :)

The cost per night per Sulap is B$130 while the house is B$180. If you meant to rent all three, you'll get the two cabins a B$10 discount each. Have a getaway at Junjong B&B for a stress free sleep in and a breakfast for each the next morning upon request of two choices menu: the American breakfast or the Junjong Nasi Lemak and of course, juices and hot drinks :)

The kitchen. Further right is the bathroom.

Part of the living room. On the right is the bunk beds room, next to the queen sized bedroom.

The bunk beds.

The sight of the bathroom.

The cabin porch.

The morning view at Junjong B&B.

The swimming pool on the right side of the cabins.

The nice scented flowers.

The reflexy stones for the tired feet.

A fishing spot and the perfect view for Proboscis monkeys in the early mornings and late afternoons.

The barbecue stand of B$10 rent.

Sulap 1 and Sulap 2.

The junjong house opposite the cabins.

The unique hanging lamp on the cabin porch.

Junjong Nasi Lemak breakfast upon request.

The weekend getaways

2010-03-05T23:28:00.010+08:00

It was a 3-day off last week so we took the Friday off to Miri. Mom, my bro, Azri, and two cousins, Haris and Arif, tagged along. DF was planning to go to the workshop to get some spare-parts for his Vitara while I just wanted to do some shopping ;) So, while we went hunting for the stuff, we left mom and the boys at Parkson. Let it be a practice for both mom and Azri before our Bandung trip this March hehe. Sure mom was complaining coz Parkson is now a big big shopping mall! I said, gotta get those feet do some exercises :) We dropped by Boulevard before leaving and we got home some time after 10pm. I spent RM500+ on cat food and stuff. I know! But it's a bargain. Here in Brunei, Royal Canin can be very very expensive. It's way cheaper there in Miri. So we bought 2 bags of 15kg Royal Canin, grooming scissors, 2 cats shampoos, kitties vitamins and ... ok I lost count! The cats were meowing seeing their food upon our arrival awwww~~ :)

The next day, it's Junjong getaway yeayy!! :D Leng and Lulu stayed with me in Sulap 1 while Johnny with Evelyn and James in Sulap 2. I invited Azri, Haris and Arif along to stay so I paid another $40 for them. They loved the place for sure! Even said that Junjong is better than Empire!! Heee :D The boys even planned that we rent the 3 houses for us cousins one day. They loved the idea that it's private and all :) Great to know they enjoyed their stay :) Johnny's two other friends stayed over too that night.

The boys had to go home at 5pm coz dad coincidentally called his friends to our house the same night for a barbecue. So Azri was needed for barbecuing the chickens and stuff. Us in Junjong also had ours. Evelyn invited around 10 more guests so it was quite a happening night, though I was the only Malay around - didn't really realise that in the first place till I noticed that I couldn't get into most of the conversations coz they were speaking in Chinese hehehe :D Lulu, Leng and I had our food in our cabin coz we couldn't take the mosquito bites LoL! Then we heard a big splash at the pool coz I think the guys just threw James, the birthday boy, in hehehe :D The boys arrived at the cabin at around 10pm, just on time for some nibbling on the food :) They had a night swim before finally went to bed at around 2am. I was the earliest to be in bed I guess. Sorry girls for my loud snoring kekekke :P

Johnny made this lime juice! I loOike!!!

Chicken lasangas by me :)

Johnny put these two cool lamps up, specially brought in from Germany :D

Pieces of lambs on the hot plate yummy!!

Evelyn. Very funny girl! Hehehe :D

Ahaha! Intended for Maya to see: yes Maya! Modeling with the LAMP POST again! Haha!!!

What we had that night sllrrpp!!!

A night swim for the boys :)

No boredom with board games! :D

Yep! Thanks to Lulu for bringing in the DVD :DA morning swim at the pool :D

Leng and me in the pool heee :D

The "giggling" boys hehehhe...

Loving the place and keeping it clean ;)

The "closing" getaway with a drink :)

Us: me, Lulu, Leng and Johnny :)

We checked out the next day at 12pm while Lulu and Leng at 11am. It was a fun getaway. Before we left, the landlord told me that Johnny and his friends had just booked the house for 30th May. They sure love the place. The landord should give me a discount next time huh for introducing the place to them! Hehehe ;p

Thanks Junjong B&B for another fun getaway! More cabins in the future? Heheh ;)

The teary scene

2010-03-02T23:11:00.005+08:00

I was doing my work at my table when a fine Chinese lady came in and asked for her son. So the routine followed. I checked the name of the son in the name lists that my department has and it appeared that he was the kid I thought he was: my very own student. The lady in front of me looked so much like him. He resembled her fair skin and face features shall I say. A smart boy too.

So while waiting for the kid to arrive, I entertained her, starting a conversation and such. The starting point of the brief chit chat, she had tears welling up her small eyes. I stared down and saw a plastic bag of bread. I assumed it was for her son. It touched me even deeper! Yet, I had to keep my self easy. It's always hard keeping my tears from falling seeing parents like that, for whatever reasons. And so, I offered her my box of tissues. She thanked me. So I continued:

"Your son is a smart boy. Very well behaved. He always does well in class .." bla bla bla hoping that she'd calm down a bit. Then she replied:

"Oh that's good. How about his Maths? He failed his Maths last year." Wiping off her tears, I could see the worried look on her face. So I told her I wasn't so sure about that as I am not teaching him that subject. Then the serious conversation started:

"Very long time already I don't see him. My son. So I want to see him."

"Are you always away?" I asked.

"You mean?" she echoed.

"I mean, are you always away from Brunei? It seems like you seldom see him."

"Yes. I seldom see him (sighed and wiped her tears again). He is staying with his father. I am not allowed to see him. His stepmother won't allow me (wiped her tears again)."

"I see .." was all I could say.

The next minute, she was asking permission to see her son during break time. I said, it's not advisable seeing him at the school canteen but she can do so at my office instead. She thanked me. This time her eyes were glowing. I hoped then I was doing the right thing. All I knew then was it was wrong, VERY wrong, to forbid a mother from seeing her very own child, no matter the reasons may be. Very very wrong!!

Our conversation was cut short. She had a wide smile on her face as her eyes laid on a boy figure at the door. He was surprised. A happy surprised. Then he looked at me and said:

"I thought I had done something wrong that I was called here .."

I smiled:

"No. You didn't do anything wrong. Salam your mom.."

So he did and I excused my self.

From my table, I hid my face behind my laptop screen. At times, I peeked through seeing both mother and son talking. I overheard their conversation too as from where they were was just a few metres away from my table. She was asking about his studies, his tests. A lot of stuff. She was crying all the way as she kept wiping her tears away. The son was trying to comfort her but in the end, he himself took a piece and wiped his own. Both mother and son were crying softly within conversation.

I then overheard the mother complaining about the son's torn songkok. He was just smiling. He didn't want to answer her but simply saying, "Nevermind. It's ok." It was obvious that he didn't want to trouble her. What touched me even deeper was when she said that she still kept his new year's 'ang pow' and she would buy a new songkok for him if he wanted her to. My heart melted hearing this. He didn't want to burden her and she at the same time was trying to make him feel less of that! What a beautiful bond. Such strong power of love!

The bell rang and the kid should be in class soon for his next test paper. She followed him out, leaving my office. Both with teary eyes but all smiley :') Such touching scene.

She thanked me and I was lost for words that I only nodded. The two left and I cried my self a tear of pain.

I hate when this happens! Divorced parents should not end up like this! I pity the kid more. He's a strong boy. Very smart. I hope that he will go through this situation wisely.

PS: The first month of me teaching, he was left without a workbook while his other classmates had had theirs. His reason was always the same: "My father is busy because my stepmom is pregnant now. He is looking after her." So I offered to buy him the book and he just had to pay me back. Or he could ask his friend to do that for him. I bet he chose to ask his friend to do him the favour as he got his workbook the next lesson I entered his class. Such a mature kid. I hope he can handle his emotion well. I pray Allah will give him strength at heart always aaamiiinnn....

The Khan story

2010-02-22T23:25:00.004+08:00

"My name is Khan. And I'm not a terrorist."

Such short message but it shook the world. At least in that movie. The cinema was full again tonight. Luckily we bought the first two tickets last night or else we wouldn't be able to watch it just now. Many words could describe the movie. No words but good ones. Like that one scene when Khan was taught by his mom when he was little: "Only two things that make human different. The good ones and the bad ones. No other difference." You'll understand this message when you watch this movie.

What I like most about the movie is, it conveys what I have always had in mind about Muslim terrorists. Such disgrace because nothing in our Holy Quran ever mentions about killing innocence as good deed. Not at all. And this movie does represent this well and how such group who called themselves Muslims and proud of their so called "jihad" gives a bad image of us Muslims to the world when we as a whole have never had anything .. anything to do with their acts. May Allah show them the light to the right path. After all, they are still our brothers and sisters in Islam. Aaamiiinn...

Sure I cried watching the movie and I'm not ashamed of that. There's so much truth in the "Khan Story" that we Muslims can't or fail to say to the world. We care less about what's going on out there, those acts by our brothers and sisters of Islam. What we care a lot more is to live in peace and harmony, deciding on going on with our own lives. Why do we do this? Because we are afraid of the world's perceptions on us. This movie shows some views that would change the history of humanity. Trust. Faith. Belief. Peace. These, among others, if we have these, insyaAllah, Muslims will not be seen as terrorists as a whole. Why? If everybody has trust in Islam, how it works, and how it shall be obeyed, if faith remains and belief unchanged, surely peace will always exists. Not only among the Muslim societies, but everybody. Everybody around the globe.

Another scene presented in the movie was when this practitioner was trying to brainwash his Muslim brothers towards the so-called "jihad". Khan, who was there at the gathering in the mosque argued to this man's words, which he called the "satanic" words. He was using Ibrahim a.s.'s story of sacrificing his son, Ismail a.s., following the will by Allah s.w.t. He used this as a weapon to open the eyes of the Muslim men in the group, making them "see" that Allah demands killings for "jihad", although it would involve the killing of Ibrahim's own son.

Khan rejected this by saying that Ibrahim was loyal to Allah's words despite the words by a stranger of disobeying the will. How could a father kill his own son? The stranger would say. But Ibrahim did not listen to this stranger because he had faith in Allah. He trusted Allah. He believed that Allah would not let the blood of his own son flow from that sacrifice. He kept his faith at heart and he passed such test. Alhamdulillah for him for not listening to that stranger.

Who was that stranger, the Muslim men in the group asked. Khan answered: satan. Indeed. And with that, I agree. I always do. Now, who are those terrorists now? We know the answer.

And yes. My name is Suzila. And I'm not a terrorist.

~~ Suzila A ~~ ..... Just being ME here .....