The lines

I was on Facebook and saw a friend's status saying: happiness beams out of your eyes...

So, my brain flowed with words and in the end I sent the rest of the lines that came from my head to her inbox:

happiness beams out of your eyes
your smile strikes shots to my heart
your laughter melts me weak
my lips sealed unable to speak
our fingers grasp us tight
warmth i feel deep inside
raindrops drip on our faces
moves briskly in the pour
as our lips meet in deep kisses
i now become forever yours

Then she put up another status: contentment shines in your voices...

So in her inbox, again, I typed:

contentment shines in your voices
as our eyes meet with admiration
sweetness i taste in those every word
them appeal to what we're feelin'

Her comment: "this sounds like a wedding vow!"

So I thought to my self ... yes it does :)

The hunting ends..

We have settled down on that one particular wedding ring, though unfortunately can't be replaced with Sapphire. It would cost DF a lonesome of $1630, after a discount price of course. We will collect the items in two weeks time. I need to show them to our moms before finally purchasing them though. Hope they're fine with our choices.

Today I managed to sit down with our office assistant about my leave this December and January. I am planning to take my mandatory leave (which is 14 days - I just knew that if I didn't take them, my 14 days annual leave would still be taken off erkk!!) and my annual leave in December. After a week's working days, then I would take my special wedding leave (which is another 14 days). I will complete the forms tomorrow and I shall update about this in the next entry insyaAllah.

* To Aiza, I will try to go to your wedding on 4th December. Now I am trying to get my leave confirmed by the Ministry and when it's approved, then next, it's seeking my parents' approval to be there and see you and Amad on the aisle. I hope they will let me go ya but so that you know, my parents are very conservative. They still practise the old petua and larangan like kena kurung dalam rumah one month before nikah and such *sigh* I am sure you understand my situation :)

Today mom was nagging about me getting home late the past few nights. What choice do I have left when Sharul could only come home at 5pm and reached home at around 6pm the earliest every day. So I could only reach home at 9pm or 10pm every night after running our wedding errands. We don't really have the time to do everything in the afternoon and get home before evening comes coz we both are working. Like me, I have to stay at work completing my extra duties till 4pm or else, I would have to tolerate seeing mountains of unfinished work on my table, which is always an ugly sight! How I wish my parents are more understanding. Bukan nya main-main ku jalan sampai aher balik ni....... *sigh*

And when I'm pissed, lots of bad thoughts came to mind. Like, wanting this whole wedding thing to be over soon, or wishing to leave the house immediately so I wouldn't have to tolerate their conservative perspectives over this whole marriage petua and larangan. Yet again, I am enjoying every bit of the preparations. I admit, DF and I do face problems here and there and we fight more often than ever before. But I know that when this whole wedding this is over, I am sure gonna miss this moment.

I know when I read this entry again one day, my heart will go "awww...." and "aaahhhh...". Or even say, "I miss that!"

Thinking over, sometimes it feels like I want to be his forever girlfriend so I can always dream of our wedding day. Weird huh! Now that our dream is almost coming true, I already long for the romantic past.

Yes. I will miss this whole wedding preparations. I am sure of that!

The hunting continues ..

I got the call from Mexx Diamond today after work. I was on my way picking DF up for a movie - for which I was 2 hours late coz I was stuck at work doing some printing. He was dressed up when I got to his place. Poor thing. He had injured his arm at work the day before and he decided not to go to work today.

So I told him about the call. We left there to see the salesgirl about the jewelry set that we had booked. Sharul was not complaining. He seemed alright with the date to the bling-bling shop, though he didn't look so happy hehe :p I guess this is what all grooms-to-be are feeling at the moment of figuring out the quotation or the price of the expensive set. And so I promised him that it would be the last time I would nag him about him spending thousands on me. That made him roll his eyes LoL!!

So now, we're waiting for another 3 quotations of wedding rings that I had chosen tonight. We would take the cheapest one of course. I wanted a Sapphire stone, which is Sharul's favourite too :) I hope it would not cost him much coz so far, he had spent about $3k at Mexx Diamond - diamond and rose/white gold pendant, bracelet and ring, and white gold necklace and earrings. I would spend $1k on his Palladium wedding ring - a two layered-ring that the middle one can be spinned. He said that it would be helpful at the time when he is stress or angry LoL!!

Tomorrow is another day closer to our nikah. I have butterflies in my tummy again while typing this.. And I have not lost a kilo since Raya!! It's just so hard to do so. This Sunday is our appointment to measure our wedding costumes and nikah outfits. I haven't really figured out the designs that I really wanted. Well I guess, we need an expert to do so for us. We hope the tailors at the boutique would be helpful enough to design our bajus. With the size that we are now, I don't think referring to bridal books for designs would help much coz they would only look good on those skinny models!!

We're hopeless at choosing which tone of stones and gold types for our wedding. Thank God we found Mexx Diamond!! Thanks to Louie for suggesting this shop to us :) - DF was sleepy at this time. His aching arm was spoiling his mood too tonight but I admired his patience at being there with me at the shop. I love you sayang. SO MUCH!! :') -

Some of the jeweleries that we have booked .. One made me look like a Datin because of the elegant cut. Another was just fine but we both thought it would look nicer if the Diamond stone was changed to Sapphire. Besides, it would cost us cheaper :)

The hunting

Okay.. So I thought, I was complaining about DF about his "insensitive" mode the past months after we got engaged. Then again, I did say he has changed and become "more involved" in the wedding preparations, and I most of all, have become happier and much more in love with the guy ;) Alhamdulillah. And so I thought, it wouldn't be fair if I DIDN'T share with you lot the changes he had become, so here goes! :)

Today, I picked him up from a weekend getaway at Junjong BnB with my siblings and the girls (Lulu and Leng). It was him who texted me asking whether I would still be picking him up today (his aunt had invited us to her birthday party this afternoon. We couldn't reject it this time since she had sent us a separate invitation card huhu). Him texting for a meet up was making me smile. I felt needed *blush*

We spent an hour looking for the birthday present. We settled on a handbag for the aunt, which cost us about $59. We were late to the function of course but we did come and spend time with the family. A short one though - we left after 15 minutes of arrival LoL!! We excused ourselves by saying that we had had an appointment with our jeweler for our wedding. The elders had to give in and let us go :p

We met Joanne and made our installments. Then a quick meet up with some friends of his - he was checking on this guy's car. Sharul is in need of a car to work. Later on at 6pm, unplanned, Sharul brought up about going to Mexx Diamond to look for another set of jeweleries for our "Ambil-Ambilan" ceremony, and of course, our wedding rings. I was in awe :D I mean, he never did make the offer! It felt like me falling in love again that night. Falling hard! LoL!!

So there, we loved the service. The salesgirls were very helpful. We confessed that our budget was tight so they helped us choosing the right jewelery set, and his Palladium wedding ring :D It was funny that we didn't know much about stones and types of gold but after an hour or so there, we did learn a few ;) Mexx Diamond is the best for us so far! :D

I was smiling, happily, on my way home. He said the three words again tonight *smiling dreamily* :))

The "Okay .... now the countdown begins" ..

Okay, it's 1st October and in the next three months, I will be Mrs. Shahrul Faidzal. Even when typing this my hands are shaking. Nervous breakdown? Excitement? Everything comes together now. I can even feel my tummy gurgling with butterflies erkK! I hope it's a good sign yikes!

I just had my period. Last 2 months I had it 10 days earlier, and last month's was 6 days earlier than I expected. On counting, if this irregular pattern keeps going on, on my nikah day, I would be having it, so it means I will be having my PMS end of December, probably in so much muscle pain waist down. I should have coke in store to help me ease it. Or I will be labeled the bitchiest bride in history erkK!! Any tips at reducing the PMS pain are most welcome!

How's my diet programme? Not working! Fasting month and Eid really ruined it! I mean, I tend to eat more at those times (and still do). The good foods were just too tempting and dieting soon became past tense! This Sunday we're gonna have our costume fitting and I am sure we have gone bigger than the last time we went to the bridal boutique. It's official! We're the biggest bride and groom!!

Our wedding invitation cards samples just arrived yesterday. There were mistakes here and there (I expected that!) and dad wanted a few names added to the list. This whole "Al-Wakil Berharap" list is really a hassle! I am so tempted to just tear the pages off the card. But of course dad is gonna go absurd with the whole deleting part pfftt!!

The wedding souvenirs, as of yesterday, have been printed and would be ready for packing and posting end of this month, hopefully. The final payment shall be done soon, another roughly B$500 to Bandung. I haven't really counted the bills yet. We've been busy with work lately that we care less about the wedding preparations.

Oh, note the pronoun "we" there? Yep! He has finally started doing this and that with me since my last posts in this page. It startled me when he said he did read the "all out" about my frustration over him not spending much time with the wedding preparations and such. He must have noticed my "tak kisah" mode over everything few weeks ago that maybe he came to this page out of curiosity and finally decided to change. Which is GOOD!

Or else, jangan harap aku kan sibuk2 uruskan pasal kawin hmmphh!!

The latest us taken last week during Eid :)

The good list

So, I went to a friend's blog and I read this. Since I'm pretty down my self with all the wedding stuff and shaky (I can't seem to find a better word coz I'm a bit sleepy now) relationship. So, here goes:

1. Honest - too honest at stating views and thoughts
2. Friendly - I get it from my parents
3. Funny - I love seeing people laugh
4. Humble - I hate those who always "angkat bakul" / show off
5. Kind - too kind sometimes
6. Loyal - to families and friendships
7. Hard working - to make ends meet
8. Punctual - I get things done on time when properly planned
9. Helpful - I hate seeing others suffer or in trouble
10. Responsible - a character that I was trained at since childhood
11. Smart - at certain areas of knowledge
12. Cat lover - recently feeding stray cats since I can't bring them home
13. Independent - I always manage to settle things my self
14. Observant - I only say what I see
15. Loving - I believe loving is the key to happiness
16. Over protective of my families and friends - I hate seeing them sad
17. Understanding - I am able to put my self in one's shoe
18. Thoughtful - I see things differently sometimes, even very small matters
19. Caring - my job needs me to and now it's become part of my personality
20. A leader - I've become used to being one as trusted
21. Cheerful - I master at hiding my own feeling from others
22. Generous - a trait that I am becoming so recently
23. Creative - not in art but in writing

There! I'll read this later, and add if there's any that I've left out..

The one missed II

So, I sent the previous post to DF through his FB inbox. He called me the next morning, 3 times. I didn't pick up coz I was too sad to talk. When I got online later on, he wrote this on my FB wall:

"Missing you a lot.. In my heart, you are the first woman that's always in my heart and always in my mind even though I'm away from you.. I miss you and love you always.."

Still, I didn't reply. It just felt like silent treatment was the best remedy at that time. And since I know he doesn't go and read my page here, I strongly thought he had no idea why I was acting so berserk and giving him that poem, which I thought he didn't understand the intended meanings but the "I miss you" part. After all, he is sometimes (especially lately) one very insensitive man!

So, I didn't text him nor call him. I even ignored him on FB. Then last night he posted up Fluffy's pictures (I saw the postings on the 'home' page). Now THAT, I couldn't ignore! I was missing her so much that I put up my DP of her. The DF knew I missed her so I guess to play the trick, he posted her pictures up. One hell of a smart ass! I left comments on most of her pictures. He didn't reply but he texted me this morning. It said:

"Good morning sayang.. Karang ke rumah saja ah.. Lawat Fluffy. Rindu ya kan mummy nya tu. Ku balik kelmarin tarus ya bangun yatah ku gambar atu. Mencari sayangku kali tu. Daddy nya pun rindu :)"

"Come home later. Visit Fluffy. She misses her mummy. She woke up when I came home yesterday so I took her pictures. She was looking for you. Her daddy misses you too :)"

So I replied that I would after running errands this afternoon. When I got there, he was already home, with Fluffy.

As usual, we didn't talk about what we were fighting about. We always drop it. That happened again today. Things were the usual. We talked and cared for the cats and such. I'm sure his families hadn't any clue that we were actually in the verge of postponing the wedding. Well, me having that very thought, not him.

Then I went home, Fluffy tagging along. She just didn't wanna be left behind so please God, don't let her give birth when she's with me. I wouldn't know what to do if she does huhu..

When I was about to leave, Sharul leaned forward (he had rolled down the car window before I entered the car) and kissed my forehead. I looked down. I knew he was looking at me. I could feel it but I just couldn't look him in the eye. I didn't wanna weep in front of him.

Then he held my face close to his. He kiss my forehead again and said, "I love you".

My heart skipped a beat. That was the first time in months he said that to me, FIRST. Since the engagement, it was me who initiated the phrase, which he at most times, didn't reply.

I held my tears from falling. I didn't know what I was feeling but I did smile. All the way back home...