Chants In Me

I praise You and You smile at me

I beg You and You listen intently
I forget You and me You see
I remember You and You test me
I cry for You and You touch me
I smile and You look down at me
I laugh and You wait for me
I sleep and You care for me
I worry and You send whisper
I love You and You're still here
I thank You and me You love too
... Alhamdulillah ya Allah ...

Excited .. Shocked .. Tired ..

Just uploading this pixie. We were glad to be here. Surely excited with the new environment and all. It's a big big place! I took a nap after work before attending the Drama Course later this afternoon. So tiring ..

We haven't unpacked our stuff yet. Will do tomorrow. For now, am just a class 'care taker' <-- as they called it erk! Sounds weird huh! Hopefully that position will remain. ONLY that position.

Goodbyes ..

Not all knew the news. Not few was surprised. What touched me was my MV kids. They left class knowing I was leaving today. Even waited for me in the staffroom. As I said goodbye, they begged me to stay. Even vowed to skip class that's taught by the teacher who's gonna replace me. I know it sounds bad, but I am flattered :P I felt loved, and appreciated.

I had to promise for future gatherings so they'd leave eventually, and have those happy smiles again. The top 4 students in the recent tests will be granted movie-ing, 2 from MV2A, another 2 in MV2B.

When I learnt about the transfer, I was glad. The only thing that I hate was saying goodbyes to these kids. I'm gonna miss them. Really miss them ..

My MV2B. They've gone better by the years. I had troubles with some of them in previous years. Now, am one of their favourite teachers :) They've grown wiser. Really nice seeing them change for good :)

My MV2A, an even tougher group. This bunch was a headache a few years ago when I was a Head Teacher. Now, they've changed for good and appreciated education more. I had to promise for future gatherings to keep those smiles on their faces. Really gonna miss these 2 groups. One of my greatest achievements so far, Alhamdulillah :)

My now (used to be) empty table. It looks weirdly ... clean and clear *phew*

Answered Prayer

Alhamdulillah. It's a blessing in disguise. I know You love me God :) Thank you.

Alhamdulillah ..

Alhamdulillah ..

Alhamdulillah ..

One problem source solved, another yet to be handled. Am all packed now and gonna be having a brand new environment. Writing up the paperwork this afternoon, I felt all the burden on my shoulders loosen up! Cleaning up my table was the greatest feeling ever! It's all clear now. I feel .. FREE!

Alhamdulillah ..

Alhamdulillah ..

Alhamdulillah ..

I admit I feel a bit offended but I am glad. I pray and hope that I will still feel this way in the new place tomorrow. I pray and hope that I will feel way easier in future.

Alhamdulillah ..

Alhamdulillah ..

Alhamdulillah ya Allah :)

Holding on ..

I have been thinking a lot lately. Any time that I am free from touching anything work-related, my head just can't stop wandering about trying to get hold of the shade of tears that's blurring my life recently. Within prayers, I couldn't ask for more. I know He knows what I want ..

I am afraid to let go. Since the talking, I sense Sharul's absence. Am I letting go? Or is he? I'm not quite sure. Am I scared? I don't know either. This pain .. was here before. I can feel its presence now in me, again.

Work was hell, as always. I can't wait for the next week's hols, though I have a 2-day camp to deal with. What's maddening is, they MADE me the Camp Commandant, even without consulting me. They made me write up the camp activities proposal, which my Friday was spent on. Little that I know that I AM the commandant!

The one thing that I hate about being at work this year is, those people, they made you do things! The system sucks when they just HAMMERED you with numerous tasks WITHOUT calling you or telling you in advance of whatever multiple workloads you're gonna get. Did I reject? I did. Did they listen? No they didn't. They DON'T! Their famously reason, I quote: "There's no other people who can do it than you." Sucks isn't it!

I did talk to a colleague, whom I always referred to in terms of professional advice. For the first time in 5 years, that was the first time I shed a tear in front of him. It's embarrassing, I know. But I couldn't help it. He suggested me to apply for transfer. But you know what! Those devils should leave, NOT me! They are the bad people! NOT me!

Seriously, I am tempted to delete the above, but this time, I'm gonna listen to my deeper hunch. It's too much! I hate them!!

My life's up-side down. My work's hell.

Dear God, You know what I want. You know what I need. I am sure You won't test me beyond my sense and ability. I am holding on. Please make me strong.

Please make Sharul hold on to me. Make him fight for me. He's distant now. I can't ..

God, You know better ..

Lost Again ..

I feel like writing something now but can't really come up with any topic other than my up-side down life.

Mum just sat down with me a moment ago asking why would Sharul want to see her and dad. She guessed it right when Sharul wants to discuss the 'merisik' occasion. When the marriage topic came up, she sounded ... I dunno. I sensed disagreement in her voice *sigh*

So I said, we'd just want to proceed with engagement, at least for the year. Maybe the wedding can be held next year. She then sounded at ease but when the money matter concerned, she sounded worried again *sigh*

I can't think straight now. I'm blur. And I'm hurt.

Somehow this settle down matter is not as easy as I thought it would turn out to be. I did tell myself over and over, something bad would happen but this ... I cannot accept. This is my life. The only part of me that I yearn to keep. Is God preparing something or someone better for me? Is there light at the end of the tunnel of my so called dark winding road?

Anyway, I don't dare to complain. Irman's email just now made me realise something, which I'd like to share with all:

When God listens to your prayer, hence He loves you ..
When He delays your wishes, hence He is testing you ...
When He doesn't grant what you ask for, hence He is planning something better for you
So, never think bad of Him ... NEVER!
No matter what, in whatever conditions ...
God's love is always for us all ...

I know this message is true. I have faith in it. Allah is testing me. Above all things that I have with me, He is loosening my grasp on some of them. On top of my success, He gives me workloads trusted on me. With all those friends I have around, one or two are sending unwelcome gestures. Yes, I feel it all. I taste the goodness and feel the pain.

Of all these dear God, You know the only wish I dearly need You to fulfill. I know You listen to me, and I know You only give the best for me. I am just a servant of Yours who begs for a little bit of a life-time happiness. And I beg for You to grant me that little wish ..

I'm all tight. My hands can no longer write and say my thoughts well. My brain is freezing from thinking of the solutions. My eyes can no longer shut and let my head explore dreamless sleeps.

My life is up-side down.

I can't think. I can't do anything. I can't breathe easy.

I am hurt ...

Weekend Escape with BLA+1 - Part 3

=== Day 3 - breakfast at the Atrium ===

1st round ..

2nd round :P

Nyehehe ... Kanyang yoh! Hehehe :P

=== Time for a swim ... without me and Lulu huhuhu~~ ===

=== Proudly presenting Lulu's photo-taking skills :) ===

=== Picture taking before leaving :) ===

Teeheheee ... :P

=== Back to level 5 to packing ===

Raining hard before checking-out *sigh*