Seconds ticking to our Big Day

Daisypath Wedding tickers

Seconds ticking since Suzila is HIS

Wednesday, 31 March 2010

The latest me

Well, I am sick *uhuk uhuk* @_@ The more meds I took, the more I cough, especially the Dequadin. I have had sore throat since reaching home from Jakarta - thanks to the passenger sitting at the front seat on the plane! She was sneezing and coughing like, all the way to Brunei! I think I had caught her cold! Chiss!! Having less sleep and rest, I guess my immune system is just weak right now. This is the first time I fell sick since end of 2008 *sigh* Now I am on MC leave. When I saw the doctor yesterday, he warned me to see him again IF I still had not had my voice back by today. He said to forward me to the throat specialist in RIPAS Hospital. Thank God I have it back right after taking the anti biotic pills last night pheww!!

So ... the trip! It was great! I spent a lonesome of cash on my wedding souvenirs - I bought them at a non credit card shop. To convert, I spent less than B$2k for 3 functions alhamdulillah :') It was cheaper than I thought. I would go to Bandung again to pick up the things I've ordered or I'd ask the Indonesian driver we had to post them to me. Either way, I would still go to Bandung again! There are just too many things, cheap things to buy there! :D I love the factory outlets!!

I don't fancy Jakarta. Our time was mostly spent on the road coz of the traffic. We had less shopping there compared to in Bandung. Besides, our driver didn't know much of Jakarta. His home town was Bandung so our days there was way better! We stayed in Savoy Homann Hotel in Bandung. If you plan to go there, do stay in that hotel! The service was first class!! Even mom was making friend with the lobby girl there hehehe :D In Jakarta, we stayed in Ascott Apartment. It's a 5 star hotel but Louie got me the diplomat price :) Thanks so much Louie! Without her, my family trip wouldn't be as smooth :') She was the one arranging our accommodations and transportation. Indonesia is sort of her second home so she knows a lot of people there. I'm blessed! :)

I plan to go to Bandung again this June, right after my KK trip, which is in the first week of the second school hols. This time I'll make sure the Bandung trip to be way before the school reopens. It's my fault for having the trip done a day before the school started. I feel so bad staying in bed now thinking of my students without their teacher in presence :( It will not happen again! Promise!!


PS: I met up with this very very nice fashion designer. She had designed wedding gowns for 3 Bruneian brides in the past. She offered a package of B$10k for the 4 wedding gowns! I was like, NO WAY!! I have had a wedding package here in Brunei, which belongs to my uncle's sister. It's cheaper. Besides, I don't believe in keeping the fancy gowns since I'm only wearing them once on my wedding. I guess it's wiser to rent them then making them. But I might be asking her to design my "baju nikah" since my tailor had gone home now *sigh* She designed my "baju tunang" last December and I liked her work. We haven't discussed the price yet but I hope it will be affordable .. I also might ask for the make-up wedding package that she has. The make-up artist is working with Indonesian celebrities. It has always been my dream to put on the Indonesian style make ups on my wedding functions :) Then again, it's not cheap :( for 4 functions, it would cost me B$1,200. And that EXCLUDING their flight tickets to Brunei and their accommodations *sigh* :(

And owhhh ... To update, the wedding is postponed AGAIN!

Sharul's mum's side of family were on bended knees begging to take our wedding dates since their Singaporean family members could only make it to Brunei on those dates and so, the rest is history *sigh*

It's decided that the wedding will be next year in January. Now let's pray my cousin will be understanding enough to swap the dates with mine coz he's planned to get married in January too yikes!! I hope he won't mind having it earlier in December this year instead ... *sigh*

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

The powerless me

This first sentence took me a great sigh to start with. I'll just let everything flow now coz I see this as a therapy. If you find the content here ugly, or makes you smirk or whatever, you may leave this page by clicking the above X button at the top right corner of this page.

I am still trying to calm down now. What happened yesterday happened again today, only worse. I have done what I could following the ministry's guidelines, having no power to erase, delete, change, disobey, what has been stated in the so called "green book". Any decisions made are all based on the book. Any actions taken are all as stated, written, printed, in the book. My self, as a civil service, an officer, is just following what's been instructed. Facts. Nothing else but facts.

But when a party does not agree with the rules, do I have the power to change and disobey the black and white statements in the book? No I don't. When the party rebels and starts calling me names and such, what power do I have? Nothing. Even when I tried to explain, making sense of the content of the "green book", do they listen? No, they don't. So what power do I have left? I am the powerless me. Even the "green book" can't say a word that would protect me. Or any other officers under me. What's left of us?? Powerless! Even when my life was at risk and threatened, where's the "green book"? Did it protect me? No, it didn't. It did NOT!

And so there I was, pin-pointed at, called names at, this and that. And there I was standing right in the front line with one intention to make things clear, yet what did I get? Nothing. I was even threatened. The few minutes of my life today was all about humiliation, insults, threats. Many eyes were on me and the raging party. The more words coming out of my mouth, the more shouts I got and in the end, I was almost punched in the face. I was powerless. Yet I knew, IF the fist did land on my face, the state's rules will protect me. I have faith in that. And I always knew I was never wrong because what I have done was all based on the "green book". With this, I faced them without fear. Not a bit.

I am glad that I have a supporting group, who would stand by me amidst rage and hatred. And I am proud that I could control my self today, when the "old" me would fight back and create a big mess. Another second of screaming on my face today had almost cost me my life: me, punching them in face instead! Alhamdulillah. I am proud I wasn't like them today. I am proud that I didn't look ugly today. Alhamdulillah to that.

Now I am going to tell everything to DF of what happened yesterday and today. I was advised by most that I should file a police report within 24 hours of the threat on me. But honestly, knowing the procedures, it would cost me my time and everything to do so when I have already wasted my precious time on such inferior intelligence party these past two days.

And to have to be dealing with them after my working hours is just the last thing I want to do!

Or I just shall leave my fate to Allah. If the threat does come true, many eyes witnessed it today and Allah will be there to protect me. I have faith in that. Aaamiinnn..

Thursday, 11 March 2010

The "unseen" tasks

And so .. this week's hell for me. Well, professionally I mean. At one occasion, I was standing at my table, looking down at my mountain-high books that I needed to check and without me noticing, I said out loud: "I wanna quit my job!!!" Hearing that, my colleagues in the same room laughed. "Now now, you must be stress Suzi. Take a deep breath," and so I did. Then of course, I laughed too. Gosh. What a hectic week!

It is during this time that I tend to wish and dream that the job as a teacher is just simply ... teaching. My mum was a primary school teacher herself and towards her retirement years, she was sighing of exhaustion and at times, she'd compare the job of a teacher then and now. I am thankful that she was one because she'd understand my being late home as I had to stay till 4pm every day trying to finish up the untouched work. At times, it feels like the day flies so quickly yet too much work is still undone. And at the end of the day, you reach home and bam!! You're out of energy. I am thankful too that I am now used to not bringing work home. Why? I deserve a good long rest after the long hours at work. I keep advising my colleagues who happen to be working under me to do the same as I do. So if you're bringing piles of books beyond the school gates, you better hide them from me if you don't want me to scream at you!

But looking back, I wasn't like this. Too sensitive over stuff and taking other things so lightly. Maybe I am still traumatised for feeling "unwanted" after contributing too much sweat at the previous work place I worked at. I think I don't want to give too much anymore. Or maybe simply, I just can't be the same "me" a few years back. Years ago, my brain and willingness took control of everything: my body, my mind. Now, I guess it's different. Way different. Now, my body is controlling me. Everything about me. I can't push my self anymore. I can't do as much as before. Because I know, if I do, it's me who will have to suffer physically. I now know I shall prioritize my health and shall not push my self too hard. And so, my brain has set that button. Thus, the old "me" has gone. Dead.

Yet, when time is running fast, and too much is unsettled, I'd silently wish that the old "me" is at present. I wanted to have that super energy back so I could do everything and have it done in a second, feeling less exhaustion than I feel now. At times, I admit, I miss the old "me". I miss the time when I enjoyed working and complained less. I miss that super energy. Of course, NOT the workloads.

And I hate parents who seem to "unable" to see how their children behave in school. I hate it most when they blame other kids, even us teachers, for their children's misbehaviour. I hate it when parents do NOT cooperate with the school when they in fact want something in return. These types of parents are making our lives teachers more difficult! If they cannot take care of their own children, the least they can do is TRY to understand that us teachers are looking after 1000+ children in school. Do we complain? Not when these children listen to us.

What we need are, parents' support and trust. Is that too difficult to do?? Especially when we teachers are also their children's P-A-R-E-N-T-S?? I am not saying all parents are not cooperative. Not few are. And I am thankful and I always pray that they will continue to support us, to believe in us, because we teachers only want to achieve that one aim: to see our children grow healthily, mentally and spiritually educated. I am sure all parents out there agree with me. Now, what I don't understand is, why in the world an existence of such parents yang menyusahkan keraja guru?? Chehh!!

Well, anyway, just letting go of my frustration here. Lately, I experienced not once, but many times of uncooperative parents. They really made my day. I am just ... speechless! I pray that less parents would be like that and I pray that "those" parents will eventually see how we teachers are struggling to give the best for their children. Aamiinnn to that!

I am going to enjoy my Friday tomorrow. I need sleep. I need rest. 12 more days to the trip to Bandung is now my way to soothe the hurting feeling I have inside now. I don't hate my job. I just hope that I could handle it better in future and of course, no more uncooperative parents in my diary. No more please ya Allah. Aaamiinnn...

Saturday, 6 March 2010

The Junjong BnB new look

I was over the moon learning that Junjong BnB has had two additional cabins for stay overs so we had our getaways there last 27th February. The cabins are named Sulap 1 and Sulap 2. The name itself is a Bruneian name for cabin or hut or in standard Malay, "pondok". Just the right name for both :)

Each cabin has two rooms: one with a queen sized bed and another with bunk beds. It has a living room, a dining table, a kitchen equipped with kitchen wares, an oven and stove as well as a fridge. The dining room is also provided with a TV and DVD player. The cabin is air conditioned too. The bathroom is big with toiletries (of shampoo and shower gels), towels and a heater. In short, the cabins are meant for a family getaway :) There's also a story book meant for kids in the bunk beds room :)

The cost per night per Sulap is B$130 while the house is B$180. If you meant to rent all three, you'll get the two cabins a B$10 discount each. Have a getaway at Junjong B&B for a stress free sleep in and a breakfast for each the next morning upon request of two choices menu: the American breakfast or the Junjong Nasi Lemak and of course, juices and hot drinks :)
The kitchen. Further right is the bathroom.
Part of the living room. On the right is the bunk beds room, next to the queen sized bedroom.
The bunk beds.
The sight of the bathroom.
The cabin porch.
The morning view at Junjong B&B.
The swimming pool on the right side of the cabins.
The nice scented flowers.
The reflexy stones for the tired feet.
A fishing spot and the perfect view for Proboscis monkeys in the early mornings and late afternoons.
The barbecue stand of B$10 rent.
Sulap 1 and Sulap 2.
The junjong house opposite the cabins.
The unique hanging lamp on the cabin porch.
Junjong Nasi Lemak breakfast upon request.

Friday, 5 March 2010

The weekend getaways

It was a 3-day off last week so we took the Friday off to Miri. Mom, my bro, Azri, and two cousins, Haris and Arif, tagged along. DF was planning to go to the workshop to get some spare-parts for his Vitara while I just wanted to do some shopping ;) So, while we went hunting for the stuff, we left mom and the boys at Parkson. Let it be a practice for both mom and Azri before our Bandung trip this March hehe. Sure mom was complaining coz Parkson is now a big big shopping mall! I said, gotta get those feet do some exercises :) We dropped by Boulevard before leaving and we got home some time after 10pm. I spent RM500+ on cat food and stuff. I know! But it's a bargain. Here in Brunei, Royal Canin can be very very expensive. It's way cheaper there in Miri. So we bought 2 bags of 15kg Royal Canin, grooming scissors, 2 cats shampoos, kitties vitamins and ... ok I lost count! The cats were meowing seeing their food upon our arrival awwww~~ :)

The next day, it's Junjong getaway yeayy!! :D Leng and Lulu stayed with me in Sulap 1 while Johnny with Evelyn and James in Sulap 2. I invited Azri, Haris and Arif along to stay so I paid another $40 for them. They loved the place for sure! Even said that Junjong is better than Empire!! Heee :D The boys even planned that we rent the 3 houses for us cousins one day. They loved the idea that it's private and all :) Great to know they enjoyed their stay :) Johnny's two other friends stayed over too that night.

The boys had to go home at 5pm coz dad coincidentally called his friends to our house the same night for a barbecue. So Azri was needed for barbecuing the chickens and stuff. Us in Junjong also had ours. Evelyn invited around 10 more guests so it was quite a happening night, though I was the only Malay around - didn't really realise that in the first place till I noticed that I couldn't get into most of the conversations coz they were speaking in Chinese hehehe :D Lulu, Leng and I had our food in our cabin coz we couldn't take the mosquito bites LoL! Then we heard a big splash at the pool coz I think the guys just threw James, the birthday boy, in hehehe :D The boys arrived at the cabin at around 10pm, just on time for some nibbling on the food :) They had a night swim before finally went to bed at around 2am. I was the earliest to be in bed I guess. Sorry girls for my loud snoring kekekke :P

Johnny made this lime juice! I loOike!!!
Chicken lasangas by me :)
Johnny put these two cool lamps up, specially brought in from Germany :D
Pieces of lambs on the hot plate yummy!!
Evelyn. Very funny girl! Hehehe :D
Ahaha! Intended for Maya to see: yes Maya! Modeling with the LAMP POST again! Haha!!!
What we had that night sllrrpp!!!
A night swim for the boys :)
No boredom with board games! :D
Yep! Thanks to Lulu for bringing in the DVD :DA morning swim at the pool :D
Leng and me in the pool heee :D
The "giggling" boys hehehhe...
Loving the place and keeping it clean ;)
The "closing" getaway with a drink :)
Us: me, Lulu, Leng and Johnny :)

We checked out the next day at 12pm while Lulu and Leng at 11am. It was a fun getaway. Before we left, the landlord told me that Johnny and his friends had just booked the house for 30th May. They sure love the place. The landord should give me a discount next time huh for introducing the place to them! Hehehe ;p

Thanks Junjong B&B for another fun getaway! More cabins in the future? Heheh ;)

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

The teary scene

I was doing my work at my table when a fine Chinese lady came in and asked for her son. So the routine followed. I checked the name of the son in the name lists that my department has and it appeared that he was the kid I thought he was: my very own student. The lady in front of me looked so much like him. He resembled her fair skin and face features shall I say. A smart boy too.

So while waiting for the kid to arrive, I entertained her, starting a conversation and such. The starting point of the brief chit chat, she had tears welling up her small eyes. I stared down and saw a plastic bag of bread. I assumed it was for her son. It touched me even deeper! Yet, I had to keep my self easy. It's always hard keeping my tears from falling seeing parents like that, for whatever reasons. And so, I offered her my box of tissues. She thanked me. So I continued:

"Your son is a smart boy. Very well behaved. He always does well in class .." bla bla bla hoping that she'd calm down a bit. Then she replied:

"Oh that's good. How about his Maths? He failed his Maths last year." Wiping off her tears, I could see the worried look on her face. So I told her I wasn't so sure about that as I am not teaching him that subject. Then the serious conversation started:

"Very long time already I don't see him. My son. So I want to see him."

"Are you always away?" I asked.

"You mean?" she echoed.

"I mean, are you always away from Brunei? It seems like you seldom see him."

"Yes. I seldom see him (sighed and wiped her tears again). He is staying with his father. I am not allowed to see him. His stepmother won't allow me (wiped her tears again)."

"I see .." was all I could say.

The next minute, she was asking permission to see her son during break time. I said, it's not advisable seeing him at the school canteen but she can do so at my office instead. She thanked me. This time her eyes were glowing. I hoped then I was doing the right thing. All I knew then was it was wrong, VERY wrong, to forbid a mother from seeing her very own child, no matter the reasons may be. Very very wrong!!

Our conversation was cut short. She had a wide smile on her face as her eyes laid on a boy figure at the door. He was surprised. A happy surprised. Then he looked at me and said:

"I thought I had done something wrong that I was called here .."

I smiled:

"No. You didn't do anything wrong. Salam your mom.."

So he did and I excused my self.

From my table, I hid my face behind my laptop screen. At times, I peeked through seeing both mother and son talking. I overheard their conversation too as from where they were was just a few metres away from my table. She was asking about his studies, his tests. A lot of stuff. She was crying all the way as she kept wiping her tears away. The son was trying to comfort her but in the end, he himself took a piece and wiped his own. Both mother and son were crying softly within conversation.

I then overheard the mother complaining about the son's torn songkok. He was just smiling. He didn't want to answer her but simply saying, "Nevermind. It's ok." It was obvious that he didn't want to trouble her. What touched me even deeper was when she said that she still kept his new year's 'ang pow' and she would buy a new songkok for him if he wanted her to. My heart melted hearing this. He didn't want to burden her and she at the same time was trying to make him feel less of that! What a beautiful bond. Such strong power of love!

The bell rang and the kid should be in class soon for his next test paper. She followed him out, leaving my office. Both with teary eyes but all smiley :') Such touching scene.

She thanked me and I was lost for words that I only nodded. The two left and I cried my self a tear of pain.

I hate when this happens! Divorced parents should not end up like this! I pity the kid more. He's a strong boy. Very smart. I hope that he will go through this situation wisely.


PS: The first month of me teaching, he was left without a workbook while his other classmates had had theirs. His reason was always the same: "My father is busy because my stepmom is pregnant now. He is looking after her." So I offered to buy him the book and he just had to pay me back. Or he could ask his friend to do that for him. I bet he chose to ask his friend to do him the favour as he got his workbook the next lesson I entered his class. Such a mature kid. I hope he can handle his emotion well. I pray Allah will give him strength at heart always aaamiiinnn....

I AM AN ARIES: The Daredevil (huh??)

Energetic (yea, in many ways)

Adventurous and spontaneous (definitely)

Confident and enthusiastic (yup!)

Fun (hmm ... I should ask my friends that!)

Loves a challenge (100%)

EXTREMELY impatient (well, I hate waiting. Does that count??)

Sometimes selfish (am I??)

Short fuse; easily angered (hell yeah!)

Lively, passionate and sharp wit (hmm ... No comment!)

Outgoing (for sure!)

Lose interest quickly - easily bored (most of the time)

Egostical (in some ways; my baby says "in MANY ways" LOL!!)

Courageous and assertive (I agree!)

Tends to be physical and athletic (hmm ... Naah!!)

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My engagement: 01.01.10

My engagement: 01.01.10
Suzila Ahmad

The engagement ring :)

A cake from him

For him

With my dad & Sharul's :)

With my mum and his :)

With two of my closest girlfriends: Azean & Yanti :)
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