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Monday, 27 October 2008

Alert!!

Okay! I realised how boring my blog has become in the past few months. I guess it's strongly related to the unstable emotions that I am having right now. I apologize for the entries that annoy you. Or make you roll your eyes. Or even shut down this page soon as seeing my yet another boring entry. Can't help it guys. I AM unstable right now ... sigh~

So, I guess I should just keep myself away from blogging for the time being. Even at the moment, I have lessen my time on MSN. I don't wanna hurt my friends' feelings over my stupidly uncontrolled mood swings. Though feeling better from the flu and coughs, deep inside, I am still ..... unwell.

Sigh~ Sometimes I wonder when will I heal. I hope it will be soon cause it hurts so much ...

See you when I see you! Cheers!

Sunday, 26 October 2008

My Day with Him

My day started early. I couldn't help texting Sharul early morning today and we met at around 8am. It's Sunday I know but just can't help it! Miss him so .. It's a good thing that he's always available whenever I ask him out. Day, night, sunny, windy, rainy .. He's always on the move whenever I ask him to. Yes. He loves me that much!

It's been ages I didn't see his parents so that morning, we had breakfast at his place. We chatted for hours in the kitchen over breakfast. Another wonderful thing why it's so hard to let go of Sharul is, he's got the kindest and nicest parents ever! What's more, they love me to bits! It sure will break their hearts if they learnt that Sharul and I had broken up. Yes. He hasn't told them about our break-up yet. He doesn't have the guts to do so cause for them, I am their only future daughter-in-law. I'd just simply describe them as "every girl's dream parents-in-law". Enough said!

After breakfast, we left to The Mall. It took us forever to find parking space cause we both believe that we shouldn't waste $2 on a parking space when there are spaces out there for free! But we gotta go down to the basement finally to get one hehe. The day was cloudy and windy. It was drizzling too. It was as if the day was showing it was already 2pm. I didn't check my watch..

We were quite surprised seeing lots of people on the ground floor. There's some sort of a showcase at the moment there so we looked around and I bought two pairs of sports shoes (for my camping) and a pair of heels (for me to wear at work). Each pair cost $20. Not bad huh! Sharul put my shopping bag in my car later on while I enjoyed the stage performance being held at that time. Kids were singing and dancing along with some performers in clown suits. It was nice seeing that kind of scene here in Brunei. Sometimes, the sultanate is just too quiet for everyone. A few entertainments won't hurt, will it?

We spent some time on the 1st floor overlooking the stage from above. At times, we laughed at the host's jokes with the kids down below. Then, I excused myself to have my Zuhur prayer at the surau. The Asar call of prayer was heard soon after. From there, we went up to the 3rd floor to watch a movie, which we took a while to choose whether to watch 'Max Payne' or 'Coffin'. Then, an amusing thing happened:

Sharul: What time is 'Max Payne' playing?
Me: 1.15. 'Coffin'?
Sharul: 1.45. So, which one are we watching?
Me: I dunno .. Ermm .. *cut off*
Sharul: Wait! 1.15? 1.45? What time is it now??
Me: Eh? 3pm now I guess. I don't have my watch. It was Asar just now ..
Sharul: I don't have my watch too! Lemme check my phone ..
Me: *Waiting. By this time, I saw the clock on the wall*
Sharul: Huh? 12.10???
Me: Yeaaa ... 12.10???
Sharul: How come?? I thought it's 3pm already!
Me: If it's only 12.10 ... So the Azan just now is ... ZUHUR!! NOT ASAR!!
Sharul: Eh, yeaa!
US: LOL

So, to cut the story short, we chose to watch 'Coffin' and down we went to the surau to perform Zuhur, again! Hehe :P Then, we had a quick bite of some dim sums (well, I was too happy with him so I ate a lot today, erk!!). All through the movie, I was scared cause it was a scary movie indeed! I'd rank it 9/10. I also cried in some parts of the scenes too. Oh, in case you're wondering, we chose this movie cause I noticed that it was inspired by a true ritual in Thailand. I personally love watching movies that are based on or inspired by true stories.

After the movie, I had my Asar prayer and outside the surau, Sharul told me he just talked to my cousin, Jaya, who was just entering the surau. He even told Sharul that our parents have always "forced" us to pray since we were little. I guess Jaya was embarrassed that he was caught praying since he's a "rock bebeh" kind of guy, if you know what I mean hehe :P We met later on near the escalator. Being close with him, whom I treat as an elder brother, I told him about me and Sharul. Our story in short. Guess what! He went to say how annoyed he is with our family, who are too conservative over marriage and choice of our brides and grooms. He gave us his blessing, saying that we should be strong and make it work between us. I saw Sharul's wide smile with Jaya's comment. I think he noticed mine too :) We bid goodbyes and Jaya left to see his new Filipino girlfriend, whom my uncle disagrees him to keep seeing. What did Jaya say? "I don't care!!" Cool eyh! ;)

On the 2nd floor, we noticed a crowd near the beauty salon. There was a group of people painting! I love paintings, some of the many things that I am interested to learn (other than photography and now, scrapbooking). The artists were impressively talented, especially this young teen who was scratching a black painted cardboard with a metal ruler to draw a face of a lady from an image of a photo in his hand. His sketch was simply made by scratching the cardboard thus leaving a white and black effect. It's something new for me! Too bad I didn't have my camera with me or else I'd take pictures of the paintings being sketched and drawn.

Then, we went downstairs to the Outlet Corner and I bought a jacket. Also for my camping. It only cost me $17. Not bad huh! We then left home, which this time we did check the time. It was 5.20pm when we left The Mall. I got home at almost 6pm.

I had a good day out with Sharul. Something that we hadn't done for a long time. I miss those moments still. The moments that we shared together when worries weren't with us.

My day with him today, I must admit, have grown my love deeper for him ... And it hurts knowing that we still can't be together ... Sigh~~

Deep Within


Days go by
I stay away

Distant afar

Shan't get near

Pull me in

You call my name

Heart's broken

Only you can amend


A single touch

You make me flee

A single word

You make me hear

A single stare

You make me see

What love means

Is all I feel


You keep me close

They make us part

I keep you within
Their force we repel

Days go by
Anxious to hope
Deep herein

Your name I call


Weak inside
Senses blur

Our past resides
As I cry a tear
Our hearts ache
Dreams shatter
Agony felt
Lost in nowhere

How wonderful

Life will be
If we're away
From everybody
Seek a place
For us to hide
You be my groom
And me your bride

Ten Things I Love About Him ...

Just came to thinking why I still can't get over my ex. So I made the list of 10 'strong' reasons why this happens. It turns out I got more than 10 reasons to answer this! Sigh~~

Here goes ........

1. I love the way he looks at me, with that smile drawn on his face and those eyes saying: "What a beautiful girl I am with now!",

2. I love when he takes my hand and leads the way,

3. I love when he kisses my forehead gently every time before we part,

4. I love when he listens to my whining and nods to my hundreds complaints,

5. I love when he opens the door for me and not letting me touch the doorknob (he says it has lots of germs!),

6. I love when he's worried when I whine that I'm hungry or feeling unwell,

7. I love when he's just there whenever I need him,

8. I love when he drives me wherever I wanna go; he just doesn't wanna burden me with the wheels,

9. I love when he wipes the spoon and fork before I use them for my meals,

10. I love the level of patience that he has; he never gets angry for me being late for our dates. He's always on time too!


And .... I just love when he still calls me "Darling, My Love, My Honey Bunny, Biniku, Sayangku" though we've broken up for more than a year now. Sigh~ I can state endless list that I love about him!

Try making your own list. You'll be amazed on how much you love your partner so dearly that no words could be enough to describe it!

Saturday, 25 October 2008

Al-Kisah~

Last night, we went to Ujung Bukit for an open house at my uncle's place. We left home rather late and when we got there, it had started to rain. So we rushed to the wooden bridge, which was lengthy, only to find out one of my thick Spice Girls shoes was torn! What's worse, the only pair of shoes that I had in my car was the 5-inch pair! Imagine me, an elephant size, walking on the bridge all the way to my uncle's, on my long 'gamis'! Not to mention the dark night, which on both sides, were the graveyards. And on HEELS!! Gosh! I'd to hold on to Nurul to walk properly. At times, I almost fell off!

Nurul: Eh, walk steady! Feel confident in your heels!
Me: It's difficult la! *screamed a high-pitch tone as one of my heels got trapped in between a hole of the bridge*
Nurul: LOL! Eh, confident la! Feel the sexy move! You'll walk just fine I tell you!
Me: *cursing <-- "Sexy walk kepala hotak mu!!"* How to walk sexy!! I got trapped all the way!! *screamed again* It wouldn't be funny if I fell off into the water!!
Nurul: Ya lor! If that so, swim sexily la!! LOL
Me: *cursing again* I can't even swim!!
Nurul: LOL sigh~

Okay! I was pissed but I guess I'm too cute to show it hehe :P

My spoiled Spice Girls shoe! Cheh!!

The heels I was on. Imagine how difficult it was walking on those wooden platform! Also, notice the raindrops! It was hard I tell you!!

Told ya it was a long way to go! Sigh~~

At our uncle's we had various dishes: Mee Jawa (this is just delicious! I told mum to ask for the recipe but my aunt said it's a hard work, huhu), Spagetti, Macaroni, bla bla bla. All are yummy! Enough said!

In between meals, we were watching TV. As we were almost leaving, the rain fell heavily. We could hear raindrops on the zinc rooftop! So this means we had to stay till the rain stopped. It's a long way back to our car. Not to mention me walking on the 5-inch heels!!

So, making it worse, "Jangan Pandang Belakang" was on TV! We were like .... Grrreat! Dad loved the movie so we had to wait for him to watch it, at least up till the scene when the hero tuned on to the radio of the recital of Quranic verses when the ghost was disturbing him. Gosh! We didn't wanna watch it but the sound effects were just ....... Sheesshhh!!! Even Diana was looking away from the TV but my bro, Boy, got so interested in the movie cause he missed the first few minutes of the movie scenes when he watched it in the cinema last year.

Diana: So what's going on now? *looking away from the TV*
Boy: It's still following him now bla bla bla ... *watching TV and explaining the scene*
Diana: Eh? Really? Where? What happens? What's he doing?
Boy: Watch la! You keep asking me questions. Just watch la! Why you're so scared!
Diana: Don't want!! *still looking away from the TV*
Me: Of course la she's scared! She's gonna drive home alone later what!
Diana: Huhu .... *not happy*
Boy: *mumbled whatever*

My dad enjoying "Jangan Pandang Belakang" ..

Caught in the act: Mum and Uda Bini catching up with gossips keke :P

Diana refusing to watch the TV hehe :P

Yup! Am still sick :(

Killing the time: listening to MP3 and erm .. sleeping :P

By after 9pm, we were all ready to go home. It was still raining but it was already late. To wait for the rain to stop falling seemed impossible. We took a few pictures with the SOAS Mosque background. It was a nice view indeed!

Nurul and me, stuffed with food! Erk!!

Me and my cuz, Azrin ..

Nurul and me ..

Pudin, Nurul and Azri ..

Ehem! I walked all the way to the end of the bridge ... barefooted, erk! C'mon! It was raining and towards the end of the bridge, the rain started falling heavily. It was no way am gonna walk on heels in that condition! Besides, we were aware of the silence, if you know what I mean, erk!

Me: Eh, wait la! Wait for me! Ouch! *as I stepped on some hard and rough surfaced wooden platform*
Nurul: Faster la! It's raining!!! *moving faster*
Me: Waaait!!
Nurul: Boo! JANGAN PANDANG BELAKANG!!
Me: *screamed and started running*

Erk!! What a night out!!


PS: Dad was at the front with an umbrella. As Nurul and I reached him, he gave me his umbrella as he was worried about my asthmatic condition. I didn't take it of course as he wasn't wearing anything covering his head so I replied: "I'm wearing my scarf. You use the umbrella. I'm fine, dad!" :) My dad loves me! Hehe :P

Friday, 24 October 2008

Friday 24th

My day started off with my appointment at La Femme at 10am. I was 30 minutes late. I got distracted by my sis in the kitchen, who was nibbling on her plate of rice and roasted lambs. Couldn't help myself to have a few bites of the fantalicious dish! *fantastic+delicious=fantalicious! :P When I got there, I had my weight measured before the treatments started and I was impressed with my -1kg weight! Yeay! My strict diet worked! Shhh! Jangan tagur!! Hehe ...

The treatments this time were rather relaxing. Maybe my brain was all prepared with the pain and all. I even slept all the way through the sauna treatment! I noticed that I didn't sweat as much as last week :( Maybe I was fast asleep ... I dunno! Lesson learnt so I won't let my eyes shut next week for sure!! I lost yet another 0.4kg by the time I left La Femme and at least a centimetre less in all parts of my body. Yeyy!! :D

I was hungry as it was mid day so I dropped by the BCR but it was closed. It was Friday anyway, I forgot so I went home with empty stomach huhu ... As I spotted on the leftover of mum's roasted lambs, I took another bowl of rice and a few pieces of the high calories meal huhu ... What to do guys! Miss Mooney is coming so couldn't help the temptations :(

My afternoon was spent online. Too tired to do any blogging, I chatted online with whoever was available. My cuzzies were also online so we talked for a while on our HCAC shirts, which will be in our hands by next Sunday. I wanted to take a quick nap but it was already after Asar so I went downstairs to the family room watching TV with mum and the rest. By 8pm, we were all ready to leave to Ujung Bukit to visit my dad's bro for Eid. They gave open house so yup! My diet got spoiled again! Huhu :(

Yes of course we took lots of pictures but it's kinda late now so I'll upload some when I have the time ok! Am so full now and my eyes are heavy! I'm sure I just gained that 1kg back!! Huhu ...


PS: Happy Birthday Bahri!!! Can't believe he's out celebrating with his friends cheh!!!
PPS: Happy Birthday Zul F!!! Stay cool and happy always ya! ;)

Thursday, 23 October 2008

BSC Song Recording

Oh Gosh! We're crap! Yes! With capital letters C-R-A-P!!

Okay, the whole thing was planned perfectly. The composer and his group were informed about the recording, which was instructed by the Ministry upon formality. But, last night, they apologized that they couldn't attend today's recording, at about 8pm!! They even requested it to be done next Wednesday or Thursday!! I was like ........ WTF!! Ok, though they couldn't make it, the least they could do was inform me yesterday morning or afternoon so something could be done! This is a government matter! We just CANNOT cancel it in the last minute you see!! Gosh!!

So, in the end, I only had 4 hours sleep last night after contacting dozens of people who could at least play the guitar as background music. The kids were all ready to offer their voice for the recording today so Danny and I decided that we just carried on with the plan, though we couldn't do much actually but to carry on as planned ... Ikut arahan kali ah! Bukan sanang kan cancel urusan kerajaan ani dang!! Nda ku temarah!!!!

Thanks to Ka Anih for helping me finding a guitarist, Aiman, who happens to be her nephew :) Ka Anih! Aiman! You guys are our life saviours!! I'll set a date with you guys for a treat okay! Promise! :D

The kids did try their best but still, without the composer, we were just .... lost! We didn't dare to change any of the beats or tunes. We didn't wanna get sued or anything you know! Even this guy from the Ministry, who's really good in music arrangement, couldn't do much help at first till he listened to one of the students' MP3 of the BSC song, which he saved in his mobile phone. Hardinie, the music guy, then had some ideas about the song and we sat down and talked about what we should do next.

We realised that the composers most likely do not have the time to come and train our kids to sing the song properly. As the song is gonna be the theme song for the camping between Brunei and Singapore, it's sure our responsibility to make the song sounds as brilliant as possible. So Aldinny came up with this idea and Danny and I just had to agree with him cause the truth is, we both DO NOT have any idea about music!! Gosh!! We felt so stupid yesterday! Not to mention the humiliation we had to face!! Thanks to THEM!!! :@

So, we agreed that Hardinie made music arrangement for the song beforehand, adding drums and whatsoever, get it dubbed it and forward it to me and Danny and the kids. As the final exam is coming, it is impossible to have trainings within these two weeks. We're sure their parents won't like it! So sending the background music to all of us hopefully would help the kids to practice at home. It's the best we could do.

As agreed, the actual recording of the song is set on next 17th Nov. at 2pm. Aiman can't make it that day as he is going to sit for his O'Level. We would like to have him around that day. We started it all with him, so we shall end it with him too :) Ka Anih, you're invited to come too ya :)

Can't wait to hear the recorded music! I tell you guys! This Aldinny guy is so talented! He's also helpful and very kind. My kids love him and they feel comfortable with him. He instructed them on how to sing the song in a friendly manner, which made my students feel appreciated. It's really nice to have someone as helpful as him, especially when we're tone deaf, like me and Danny, erk!!

I sent off Danny to ICC after recording, then took Dinie and Zuqi on a late lunch at BCR in Berakas. Poor thing! They were already at the Ministry at 1pm but they didn't have their lunch!! I bet the others didn't have theirs too .... Thank God there were a few bottles of water sold in the Ministry. The kids really needed them as they were practicing the song for hours ....... Sigh~~ I feel bad ... SO bad!! I sent them both home and we learnt that Zuqi's granny is selling the famous ice-cream at Jalan Ong Sum Ping! He gave us a plastic of different ice-cream flavours each! Thanks Zuqi!! :) Danny! Jangan jeles kekeke :P Nyum! Nyum!!

Practising the song at the lobby. Hardly got the tune huhu ...

The excitement in the recording studio! Just look at the girls! Hehe :P

My girls concentrating on the song ... The 1st take of the song ...

My boys and Aiman with the guitar ...

Kinah crying while I taught them to sing the slow version of the song ... Sigh~ Was I that good?? Keke :P

On a break. They're 360 degrees different when off duty!!

Right okay! She's practising here, NOT in pain or crying! She's just trying to 'feel' the groove I think ... Hehehe :P Cute eyh!

My two vain girls: Kinah and Ain hehehe. Prasan kaaan?!! :)

Aldinny (in white) giving some instructions to my kids on how to sing the song bla bla bla. We're C-R-A-P!! But we did the best we could! Well done guys!! :D

Behind the scene: Aldinny being 'honest' with us. We were BAD hihi :P Gosh! Soooo embarrasing!! Look at the boys here. Their faces show 'em all! :P Malu nyerrr!!

Ermm .. Can't figure out what they're saying here .......

The men behind the machine .. I know Razak (in blue) and Aldinny next to him. They are really helpful. Though we didn't know much, they made us feel welcome and at ease. Thanks guys! :)

It took me a while trying to figure out what this is ... Thanks Danny!! Cheh!! (Clue: look at my green scarf ...)
Akekeke :P Guess who's this!! Yup! Our HEROIN! :D We had fun amidst embarrassment hehehe :P

Me and our life saviour, Ka Anih! Thanks darl! I owe you one!! :)

PS: Ka Anih! E-mail me pictures you snapped ah :) I wanna save them too! Thank you again for your help darl! Mwahz!!! :)

No Hurt Feeling?? <-- Response to Princess Scrapper's Thoughts of the Day

Here's another topic that made my head working. Found the topic (or questions rather) on Princess Scrapper's entry today so I posted my views on it up here meaning to invite you to share your thoughts about this too :)

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Emotions come in many kinds: happiness, sadness, excitement, down, joy, pain ... I believe we've experienced all these. There are many reasons to why we have these emotions. Even babies cry when they're not comfy or when they're hungry. They can't talk and crying is what they can only do to attract attention of those around him. Us? Sure we show our emotions too! But do eyes really 'see' these? Or shall I question: do our hearts really 'feel' what our eyes are seeing?

As I have shared in my previous entry Just Being Me, I feel the pain of my beloved ones' agony. How does it feel? It feels that my whole world cracks down as theirs do. If I could take their hearts out, I'd do just that so they won't have to go through all the grief and misery. But, how would I take on the brutal truth about something from those I cherished dearly? The brutal truth that shatters my heart? Of course, I'd die on the spot. The heart would tear apart and only time would make it whole again.

I had rather a deep conversation with a colleague today, whom had recently broken up with his long term girlfriend. She cheated on him and it had made him realised that doing the best for our loved ones does not guarantee a happy ending. I nodded to that, as I had experienced it too. How do we reflect to that? We both believe that our heart has its own minds and soul. When we get hurt, its soul dies off and it's left with emptiness. Even anger can't beat this. Sometimes, the heart sends its signal to the brain: "Enough!" Now, when it says this, what happens to you? You tell me!

Whatever I do, I'd make sure my loved ones be the highest priority. It's just the right thing to do cause when they smile happily with joy, that would be the best moment that my heart receives. If they cry, the heart cries too and I'd work things out just to see those faces carve those wide grins again.

The heart has its own minds. I assume, misunderstanding happens when the heart gives out those sense of jealousy or insecurity. And so, it comes back to one's trust to those he/she loves. When trust has gone, other thoughts (or minds) of the heart takes control. It worsens when 'pride' barges in and crashes every single pieces of trust that is ever remained. What happens next? The heart dies off of course ...

When it's too late, when the heart says "Enough!", this is when everything ends. Now tell me, is this what we want?? For sure, I don't. The little piece of my heart still remains intact, thought it's torn apart. But my loved ones are still around supporting it to move on.

Will I give up and hurt them? No, I won't. Definitely not. My heart and theirs are one. Though the bigger piece of my heart has gone, its 'minds' still zip its mouth shut from saying "Enough!".

And I am glad it doesn't do so just yet ...

Posted by Suzila A on October 23, 2008 9:08 PM

Wednesday, 22 October 2008

*That* Feeling

What happened today had made me realise something rather .... hmm .... can't find the exact word really. I'll just let it flow here ...

At around 11am, I got a shocking news from Yanti: my mum's cousin passed away. Innalillahi Wainnailaihi Rajiu'unn ... I was shocked cause when I last saw him, he looked fine, though I had heard that he was suffering from diabetes. We had a short conversation on how sudden he had left this world ...

I got home before 2pm fetching up my parents. Dad drove separately cause I gotta go back to work later on, while mum followed me. As we reached Sengkurong, cars assembled along the road. As we walked on, rows of students in Religious School uniform walked ahead. Their teachers were among them too. As we stepped into the gloomy house, we could hear recital of Quranic verses. My mum and I then took our seats near the daughter of my late uncle. She had just given birth to her second child last Friday. The next hour, she told mum her late dad's past moments with them ...

He was all fine the night before. Being laughable with her husband and even went out to visit his friends. He was so fine that his loss the next morning shocked the whole household. He passed away in his sleep. As she mentioned her youngest brother, she shed a tear as he was at that time sitting for his PMB Exam ...

As the body was carried into the living room, the recital of Surah Al-Falaq was repeatedly read. Behind the curtain, the body was wrapped with the Kafan cloth. Before the mass prayer, my late uncle's eldest son stood in the middle of the room, introducing himself to those at present and asking for forgiveness from everybody if ever his late father had done wrongly to them. His prayers for the soul to be accepted among those under His mercy and blessing was followed with "Amin" by everybody. Soon after, the females stood up giving space to the males for the Prayer. I couldn't help crying as I saw Nini Piah looked on his late son's body, while others bid goodbyes. He was her second child that had passed away. The first was a few years ago, her first daughter.

The room was crowded for a while and at this particular moment, I saw my dad among the males upfront. My heart beat stopped and my eyes froze on him. I had to lean on the nearby wall to keep standing on my feet. My heart whispered: I don't think I can bear losing him. Then I looked at my mum next to me, who was standing quietly. Her lips were moving, reciting the prayers. My heart voiced out again: I don't think I can bear losing her ... My eyes watered as I shook the feelings away ...

My aunt walked through the females now and she asked forgiveness from us on behalf of her late husband. Our hugs made her tears flow down her cheeks. As she left us, I could hear her mumbled her youngest son's name as she looked at the clock on the wall. It showed 3:20pm and he was still not home. I don't think he could answer the questions in the paper after what happened ...

Al-Fatihah was recited again for a few times as the body was carried to the van awaiting outside. My aunt was now in the van. She was going to send him off. She was strong ...

I rushed back to work and got there just by 4:15pm. On the way, I couldn't kick that feeling away. The feeling I had felt as I looked at my parents ... I can never stand the loss of my loved ones. It'll kill me ...

Innalillahi Wainnailaihi Rajiu'unn ... From Him we came and to Him we shall return eventually ...


PS: I felt so touched as I overheard my late uncle's daughter told us his will to be buried in Lubok Pulau, Tutong graveyard at one time before. Fullfilling his last wish, he was buried there today. I pray that his soul be accepted and placed with those under His mercy and blessing, Aminnn ... Al-Fatihah ...

Just Being Me

This post I put up to view my inner voice to all, especially those I call 'friends'. In fact, here is the answers to Princess Scrapper's deep thoughts for me to respond to in my previous entry on Blast From the Past. I hope there won't be any misconception about me after this. I really DO hope so ...

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Blogger Princess Gizmo said...

Huh???? Make Peace or War?? Friend or Enemy?? Right or wrong?? Girls or Boys?? Love or Lust?? Honest or Hypocrite??

U tell me?? Analyse it yourself then you can see the 'real world' w/ your own 'eyes'..

Open up your 'heart' then you can feel 'how others feel for you'..

Accept with your 'mind' not your 'heart' then you know 'what's wrong or right'.

But...never think of yourself only, when you have family & friends.. Think for them.. Feel for them..

Think of your 'current actions'.. Harmless or harmful?

Think of your 'actions' for the long term.. Is it good or bad?

Think of your family & children, will they be there for you? When you're not there for them?

Think of your 'real friends' will you be able to 'accept the brutal truth from them?'

How do you feel?Please tell me now...

Just a deep thought from me :)

Posted by Princess Gizmo on 21 October 2008 23:25

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Blogger Suzila A said ...

Princess ... That's a list of 'deep' thoughts you got there :) Thanks.


Well, I gotta say, I have no intention to create any 'war', that's for sure. As I said earlier, I treasure friendships. Hence, though the 'ex-friends' chose not to befriend me no more, that's their choice to do so but never have I created 'war' with them ever since (some created the 'war' with me, dunno why). Am I making friends or enemies? As far as I know, honestly speaking, I chose to make distance NOT to make enemies but to prevent us from becoming one. I'm happy, they're HAPPIER. Am I doing it right or wrong? Personally, though it doesn't work in some cases with the 'ex-friends' (by making a distance), but in some others, it does. Boys or girls, well, as I said in the entry, boys ACCEPT me MORE than the girls. I guess I carry some parts of those males hormones in me so we 'click'. Love or lust? Definitely not the latter. 'Love' is more to the side of the male species, not mine. As for the girls, I'll give my all to protect them. Am I being honest or am I a hypocrite? I believe in doing all with His mercy and the right 'nawaitu'. If anyone ever sees me as a 'hypocrite', that's their right to do so. Allah knows best :)

Believe me Princess. I've gone through heaven and hell of friendships. Some friendships stay, some don't. Those who do, I still treasure them (you're among many Princess, thank you). Those who don't, can't do much but for sure, I DID try to make it right. Even took the blame though it wasn't my part that should do it. Thinking back, that's a stupidity that I made. What to do. Just being me. Not bragging or anything, I even lied for a friend but now, she's nowhere to be seen. She even back stabbed me. What did I do? I didn't say "goodbye". She did. At most times, friends made use of me. They still do now sometimes. What do I do? I let them. Why? Just wanna see them happy that's all, though they see me as a doormat or whatever they call me (I heard them say so). Now you tell me! Have I gone through enough in friendships? Haven't I seen the 'true world' yet? Allah knows best.

I gotta admit, when it comes to friendship, my heart wins over the mind. Why? Coming back, cause I treasure friendships. So I'm proud to say, I've 'seen' the good and the bad of friends around me, not with the mind, but with the soul. My mind says "no", the heart says the other way round. It's a weakness I have when it comes to friendships. I treasure it too much for the mind to handle.

Mum often scolds me for being 'stupid' and 'weak' when friends made me cry. She'd say: "You and your friendship crap! Look what they've done to you!". It's a 'crap' for her cause my heart's torn apart when friends left me. I know hers too when she saw me cry. My mind then starts its engine and keeps telling me to stop! Family, yes, I feel for them. I hurt them when I'm hurt. So, I guess, I shouldn't cry for a loss of a friendship no more. Family first, friends second now. Yet, the heart wins again and the 'war' begins in me. What happens then? I feel the pain. Thank God I manage to keep it to myself. It's not harmless for sure. Of course, it's not good at all. Not for the heart, nor to the mind.

So I guess, I should just need to be me. I shouldn't bother much of what friendships bring or leave me with. What others think, I shall let them be. Most importantly, I should be myself. Anyone can't accept me, that's their right to do so. All I gotta do is heal the pain slowly but happily seek for a new bridge of friendship, to make the best out of it and learn from the past to keep the present while at the same time, be a happy person as I can be. Not only for myself, but for those around me.

I am me: the kind of person who will go highs and lows for those I love. I'll keep them, be there for them till "no more" comes out of their mouths. If they can't sacrifice the same for me, I won't nudge. I understand. Why? Cause 'love' does it all. Cause that's ME. I'm sure my 'true friends' will do the same for me. Cause only true friends 'see' the 'true' me.

Yes, only true friends CAN ACCEPT me.

Too bad I only have very few of those kind. Very few ...

Sigh~ Such deep thoughts exhaust the mind. Gotta rest it now ...

Thank you Princess. Hope you could feel me now...


PS: Will post this up for all be able to 'see' me too. The heart's too weak to take anymore misjudgment ...

Posted by Suzila A on 22 October 2008 17:31

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

Back From the Doc!

Yikes! I knew it! Something must have triggered the attack. I hadn't had the breathing problem for like years. More than a decade even! Now it's attacking, I was like ... What gives??

So, I just got back from Dr. Asri's clinic (now it's Klinik Dr. Hj. Asri, huhu ... My bad!). I gotta admit, he's still good, though scary, erk! He's serious I must say. He started with asking what my problem was, whether I was pregnant or not (huh? Do I look THAT big?) bla bla bla. Then, the final question that he queried: "What have you been eating a lot recently?" People! I went ... silent!

Observing my blank state, he took out a piece of paper with a list of food that I should avoid consuming and with that he added: "You are allergic to peanuts so quit eating them!" still, not smiling. Erk! It felt like my dad was scolding me!

So, here's the list: (Princess Nashwa, it should be handy for your baby boy too I hope!)

1. Berries
2. Eggs
3. Soya Beans
4. Peanuts
5. Seafood

As the doc was checking my blood pressure, he was checking my skin, asking me whether I have got Eczema (skin problem) or not, also stating that, Asthma may cause this kind of skin allergy. Thank God I've never got it! I didn't even know Asthma attack relates strongly to Eczema. Hmmm ... Will keep that in mind.

Anyway, my blood pressure's high (erk!) and the doc was concerned. From my record, it was high too when I was last checked by him years ago (can't remember when though ...). So he'd like to see me again after I have gone better to have my blood pressure checked. Fuhh! Kabak2 eyhhh ....

Just took the cough syrup a few minutes ago (it's GREEN! Never seen such med before. I had black, red, pink, yellow but green??). Alhamdulillah, the cough's lessen, shhh! Jangan tagur!! :P

I also got the Ventolin Inhaler, which I called the 'puffer'. It's embarrasing when I referred the inhaler as the 'puffer' when I was requesting it from the doc. Luckily, he got what I meant. So he replaced the tablets with the 'inhaler' ;) Just took two puffs, I feel better already, Alhamdulillah :)

My eyes are heavy now. I guess the meds are working in me at the mo. Nitey nite people! Am gonna have a sweeeeeeet dream tonight :D Thanks for your concern. Love ya! Mwahz!! :)

Uhuk .. Uhuk ..

Can't barely think of what's interesting to write now. The cough is still here and it's killing me! Every time I start talking, I cough. Even when I just sit down doing nothing, I cough! Sigh~ What's worse, my childhood trauma attack seems coming back now.

I used to suffer from severe asthmatic problem when I was little. I had to control my food intake: couldn't eat eggs, liver, of course couldn't drink the sodas, bla bla bla. The good thing is, I still don't take these diets, only in some occasions like Eid or family gathering where they are served. I wouldn't have the pressure to cook any of these foods cause I'm used to not eating 'em since I was a kid. Soda canned drinks? It's once in a blue moon I drink 'em! Couldn't take the fizzy gas and all. Besides, it's too sweet!

Well, anyway, back to how am feeling now. I think the asthma is attacking me back after years of healing. I hadn't got the attack since I got that injection by this Bruneian doctor in the early 90's. I think it's Dr. Asri. He's now opened his own clinic near Jalan Anggerek Desa. When I got injected, he was still working with the government hospital. Hmm ... I think I should drop by his clinic soon or else this asthma's gonna get worse!

It's hard to breathe easily when it attacks. I still remember the time when mum was panicking when I couldn't breathe one night. I saw her blurry figure trying to console me and teach me to breathe slowly. I also remember this old man giving me traditional medicine trying to heal me. Sigh~ Mother's love just can't me measured. Failed with the modern meds, she tried the old ways.

That night, she had to bring me to the Emergency Room cause the attack had made me really weak. It wasn't only hurting my chest but also my back. Every time I breathed in, my back ached as if it was burning! Mom had to rub some ointment and massaged it slowly while I'd concentrate on my breathing. It was hard. Way hard!

Oh shoot! I don't wanna go through the same mishap! I guess I should go see Dr. Asri the soonest! And MAKE him give me that injection again!!

Sunday, 19 October 2008

Blast From the Past

I just read a blogger friend's entry today and it sort of reminded me on my past with some guys I befriended. Not that I have great experiences with guys but somehow, I made friends with boys more than girls when I was in high school right up to college.

I didn't have dozens of close female friends when I was in sec school. Most of my friends were boys, not of choice, but I rather see it as coming naturally. I guess they found me comfy to be with, like when they were with their male counterparts. Yet again, it got spoiled when they fell for me (you know, the monkey love thingy) and all changed in a split second. But towards the end, we became friends again. Ain't that sweet! Boys drop the past just like that! So, to be honest, I preferred befriending boys more than with girls in high school. Somehow most girls in their teen years were too sensitive over silly things and most of the time we ended up striking politics in class, which I never enjoyed! In the end, I gotta watch every single word that I used with these girls. This is boring! With boys, I got to tease, even swear at them yet they didn't give a s**t about it and we remained friends! With girls .... prrrggh!!

The same happened in college. Most of my gang were males. We were like families! We studied, hung out, had lunch, wherever together (NOT the toilets!). Too bad it changed when one of them had a crush on me, which changed everything, sigh~ I hate it, always hate it when it happens!!

You see, not that I am against girls. I love being with them but not all girls click you see. I only have one best girlfriend: Azean. Just one! Why? Cause we clicked! We had ups and downs together, did our stuff together, and most of all, we'll do anything for each other. With girls, we are more concerned with trust. With boys, I don't need trust! I just need comfort with them. I dunno how other girls and boys see about this but what I'm saying is what I see, and feel. Personally, with girls, there needs some sort of a bridge to connect us. Being friends with boys, there's no string attached!

I always had a blast with guys in the past. But now, it's rather difficult to find guys who are comfortable with girls around. Maybe it's due to the age we are now. I guess, age is the factor to controlling or limiting women and men's friendships. The older we grow, the tougher people's expectations are between the two species. I guess you know what I mean there! In sec school or college, people see us as kids. Whoever we hung out with, people would just simply see us as a group of friends. Now, eyes will follow wherever women and men go, especially when anyone of them is married. And marriage is strongly related to age! This is what I meant by difficult.

Now, remember my entry on the "Ex-Friend Chit-Chat"? I am not proud, but sad really. My bunch of ex-friends, all of them are girls. They hate me, which I can't do nothing about. I did try to change but I guess that's not enough for them. I guess, this is also another factor why I like become friends with guys more than girls. I am exhausted with girls cause I gotta watch my words, gestures, looks even! With boys, I can do whatever I want and be whoever I am.


PS: To "Double Ms", you know who you are. Thanks for accepting me for who I am. It's been years I hadn't been close to girls other than Azean. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!! :D

Gone Sicker ...

As I woke up, I chatted with Mamashasha and Anih online for a while. I wanted to go the Borneo Clinic to get some medication over my fever and flu. Mamashasha recommended Dr Lim's as Anih said Borneo would be closing early today. She was right! It closed at 11am while I got there at 12+pm. From there, I went to Gadong, only to find Dr Lim's closed as well. I guess I have to go to work tomorrow then huhu ....

I had lunch at Singapore Chicken Rice Restaurant with Sharul. Then off we went to The Mall to watch a movie. It was unplanned as I didn't talk much cause everytime I did, I'd cough continuously. So I'd just make gestures to Sharul to wherever I wanted to go or do, which thank goodness he understood! So we watched "Tipu Kanan Tipu Kiri". Thanks Anih for recommending it! It was a good movie to watch! I laughed in between coughs watching it! Kekeke :P
From the movie, I tried looking for a pair of shoes. I'm broke so decided not to buy one in the end as the one I found costs $40, erk!! But sure I will next month! From The Mall, we dropped by the massage house but the masseuse was on leave today! Sigh~ I needed to do the reflexology, hoping it'd lessen the flu and coughs I am having.

Tomorrow, I'll do invigilation in the afternoon so that means I'll be doing nothing at work in the morning, chiss!! I think I'll ask permission to go to the Ministry at 9am to see HA about the camp song recording this Thursday. Danny couldn't make it so I have to go replacing him.

Hope the fever will be lessen tomorrow. And I hope to get my normal voice back! Sigh~

Saturday, 18 October 2008

What a Day to Cope With

It's almost 12am now and I just got home from my uncle's place. Today was a hard day to cope with ...

My day was mellow as ever at first. I woke up late and felt the fever. My body was aching, I think it's cause of the painful treatments I had the other day. Achobaan! Then I found myself infront of the TV set watching the National Teachers Day Celebration. Honestly, I hadn't watched a single celebration for years but I made an exception this year cause I wanted to see how the primary kids were performing today. They were awesome ofcourse! Good job to both my girlfriends: Scrappermaya and Mamashasha, of course with the rest of the team, Milin and Chrissy plus the others :) Well done guys!!! :D

I gotta say, the girls were excited when His Majesty approached the kids after the celebration. It was obvious that His Majesty was happy with their performance. I think they had had their practice since March (correct me if I'm wrong girls hehe). I still could see Mamashasha's eager face meeting His Majesty while Scrappermaya tried to make her way to the front <-- slightly pushing Mamashasha to move forward kekeke :P Girls, you two were great!! :D

After TV, I went back to my room, set the time and went back to sleep. The flu had got into me and the only sound that came out of my mouth was a whisper! Well, in a sexy way though erk!! :P By almost 4pm, I got ready to visit Mamashasha's place, as promised. When I got to her crib, she was on her way home from class so I got into her place before she did. It felt weird as I greeted her "Hari Raya" in her own house kekeke :P Scrappermaya and her better half came an hour later. We were there up-dating news and such over tea. Well, over noodles and fried chicken actually. I had mental calculation of a plate of noodles that I had, erk! Gosh! I guess I had bound to dieting strictly now, sigh~ By Maghrib, we left Mamashasha's and went separate ways.

Us today :P Love you girls!! :D Next date please ....

I went straight to my uncle's place as the rest of my families were already there. Hanging out at my uncle's in Rimba made my fever worse! All I did was lying on his couch in the living room while at times taking pictures of my cousins and siblings nibbling on Banana Split that they had made earlier today. We planned to bake Tapak Kuda but in the end canceled it. My aunt prepared Soto, Rojak and Ketupat for us too.

To keep warm, I had a bowl of the soup and a plate of the Rojak. Also, couldn't help myself to have two Ketupats with Beef Rendang. I think I had gone over the 1000 calories intake today. Sigh~ It was a hard day to cope with! Fighting with cravings is indeed difficult! With the fever and cold that I am having, it also added to my problem! I gotta consumed some food to keep me warm. Sigh~ What a day ...

The sick me ... Huhu ...

Haha ... Fighting over the Banana Split! I didn't join. Gotta pass! :P

Hanif entertaining the small ones. Look at Haziq! He's the eager one here! Hehe ..

The other side of the house: the males watching the soccer match. Typical!!

Friday, 17 October 2008

I Wonder ...


I wonder how it is
If we've never met

We don't set our eyes

Our hearts never melt

I wonder how it will be

If you've never said it
That you've fallen for me

Loving no one, me you keep


I wonder how my life is

How I have become

When you I don't miss

Or make any wishes


I wonder how I now feel
If I didn't say 'yes'
Let you go just like that

Then moved on with my life


I wonder who I am now

Without you never in me

Would I still suffer somehow?
When my heart you never reached?


I wonder if I could turn back
To the day that we met

That meeting I shall switch

So this pain I'd never feel

*It's NOT Painful*

Sigh~ I kept saying "It's NOT painful" when I had my slimming treatment at La Femme today. It WAS painful you guys!! It made you say to yourself --> The old saying is right! It takes all to be beautiful. Sigh~

When I arrived at the Beauty Salon, I checked on my diary card. It's where all my slimming progress is kept. I actually had the treatment way back in 2004 and still had 9 more visits to make. As I was busy with work, I got pretty occupied with all the time that I got that I forgot about it. It was just recently when mum made me go there again to continue my treatment --> she said I have gone TOO fat now! Erk!! Checking the card, in 2004, I weighed 13kg LESS than I weigh now huhu .... :( I blame it to the busy life I am having!!! Chisss!!!

I gotta say! After 4 years not going there, I had forgotten how the procedure was. Most of all, I had forgotten how PAINFUL it was huhu ... After I've gone through it today, I am gonna list down what each visit consists of, in case I forget it again in future (Hey! Who knows right!) ..

On every visit, there are 4 different treatments. The first two are done at the same time by two beauticians: one is giving you the Slimming Massage (this feels like heaven!!) and the other one is the Liposuction. The latter is the painful encounter.

Before both processes are done, sort of cream or ointment is put on your whole body (yes, you only wear your underwear throughout the session!). One will do the massage while the other uses the machine to suck the fatty skin out. Hey! No bleeding happens here okay! Just sucking out the skin, with more concentration on the fatty areas. Imagine having your vacuum cleaner sucking your skin: that feeling times 10!! THAT painful girls!! Huhu ... The most painful parts are waist and thighs, OMG! That's when I kept telling myself, "IT'S NOT PAINFUL!"

Next, the relaxing treatment: the Sauna. This takes roughly 40 to 45 minutes. I love this cause I gotta sweat like I've never sweat before! Girls! I DON'T sweat! Even when I do my jogs and hikes, I RARELY sweat! I guess, I've too much fats blocking my skin capillaries! So when I sweat in the sauna, I feel like ........ Waaaa!!! Get my I mean?? Heee *smile widely*

Next is the weird procedure: you are wrapped like a mummy! What's weirder is the wrapping cloths are cold as if they just froze it or something! This is called the Cool Wrap treatment. It's meant to tighten your skin after the fats are shrunk or released through sweating. This takes another 30 minutes. When you feel heat in sauna, this time you get all freezy in the wrap.

Then, voila! That's the visit you make in 3 hours :) Oh! By the way, before you start the treatments, your whole body will be measured: your weight, your body fats and your body measurements in centimeters. After the Cold Wrap, yet the same measurements are made.

I hereby announced that I have lost 0.4kg in today's visit! Yeay!! :D I know it's not much but it's a good start! The most impressive result is, I lost 1.3cm of my abdomen and about 0.7-1cm lesser of most part of my body. Heeeee ................ It's paid off huh!! :D

Just wanna share! Here's the calories list that we should consider in our daily diet. As for my case, I am only allowed to take 1000 calories per day so from this list, I gotta take a few types of food and calculate to equivalent to 1000 calories or less. People! I wanna lose at least 15 kg by next June. Sounds ambitious huh! Well, we gotta have that spirit girls!!! Aza aza fighting!!!! :D

====================================================================

Fast Food:
- Cheese Burger (305 each)
- Mc Muffin Egg (280 each)
- Fish Fillet (370 each)
- Medium Fries (320/order)
- Fried Chicken (415 each)
- Pizza (450/slice)
- Garlic Bread (130/slice)
- Banana Split (510/serve)
- Vanilla Cone (230/cone)
- Sandwich (300-400/set)

Dairy Products:
- Cooking Oil (135/tablespoon)
- Full Cream Milk (150/cup)
- Cheese (95/slice)
- Yogurt (200/cup)
- Ice Cream (165/100gm)
- Jam (55/tablespoon)
- Jam (55/tablespoon)
- Mayonnaise (78/tablespoon)
- Peanut Butter (95/tablespoon)
- Butter (100/tablespoon)
- Miracle Whip (70/tablespoon)

Grains:
- Cooked Rice (100/half cup)
- White Bread (70/slice)
- Quaker Oats (110/quarter cup)
- Cooked Macaroni (155/cup)
- Pita Bread (66/half piece)
- Muffin (310/slice)
- Pancake (300/slice)
- Plain Porridge (100/bowl)
- Noodles Soup (750/bowl)
- Fried Noodles (850/plate)
- Fried Rice (750/bowl)
- Wonton Soup (230/4 pieces)

Fruits:
- Apple (70/piece)
- Banana (100/medium)
- Dates (490/cup)
- Grapes (35/10 pieces)
- Orange (50/medium)
- Durian (125/2 pieces)
- Pineapple (50/slice)
- Mango (120/medium)
- Kiwi (45/piece)
- Papaya (70/slice)
- Peach (39/piece)
- Canned Peach (80/half cup)

Vegetables:
- Broccoli (40/cup)
- Carrots (16/cup)
- Corn (120/piece)
- Onions (65/cup)
- Baked Beans (200/cup)
- Shredded Coconut (450/cup)
- Avocado (310/piece)
- Tofu Bean Curd (40/piece)
- Pea (80/cup)

Sauces or Flavouring:
- Honey (65/tablespoon)
- Chilli/Tomato Sauce (20/tablespoon)
- Chicken Cube (8/cube)

Appetizers:
- Coleslaw (76/2 oz)
- Chicken Pao/Bun (280/piece)
- Deep Fried Roll (136/piece)
- Potato Salad (180/4 oz)
- Baked Potato (220/piece)
- Peanuts (420/half cup)

Drinks:
- Soft Drinks (80/can)
- Coffee without sugar (4/cup)
- Sugar (13/tablespoon)
- Low Fat Milk (125/cup)
- Skimmed Milk (85/cup)
- Plain Milo (80/cup)
- Choclate Milk (300/cup)
- Apple Juice (80/glass)
- Fresh Orange Juice (83/glass)
- Tomato Juice (42/glass)
- Prune Juice (120/glass)
- Plain Lipton Tea (2/cup)

Meat:
- Roasted or Steamed Chicken (280/piece)
- Chicken Liver (30/piece)
- Sausage (145/piece)
- Lambchop (340/90g)
- Sirlion Steak (230/3 oz)
- Boiled Fish Ball (50/10 pieces)
- Fried Beef (170/100g)
- Barbecue Fish (350/100g)
- Sardine (360/100g)
- Oysters (50/5 pieces)
- Canned Tuna (144/4 oz)
- Fried Chicken Chop (400/100g)
- Boiled Egg (80/piece)

Dessert Cakes:
- Cheese Cake (400/slice)
- Apple Pie (320/slice)
- Plain Donut (100/piece)
- English Muffin (140/piece)
- Coconut Roll (130/piece)
- Fried Banana (190/piece)
- Layered Cake (100/slice)
- Graham Crakers (55/piece)
- Chips Ahoy! (160/3 pieces)
- Oreo Cookies (150/3 pieces)
- Pringles Chips (170/1 oz)
- Kit Kat Bar (160/bar)
- Egg Tart (320/piece)
- Brownies (140/piece)

Thursday, 16 October 2008

Ex-Friend Chit-Chat

Okay, now this is what I wanna share with all today! When you read through, I might make you ask questions that could raise an issue ... or not. Well, here goes!

Now, I gotta admit I got very painful past times with those I used to call 'friends'. Not that I chose NOT to be their friends anymore but somehow, they wanted it! I am not the type who'd beg and ask, "Why are you ending this? What have I done?" bla bla bla. When I sense that someone is neglecting me, I'd make a distance. It's like, I got the hint and all! I mean, c'mon! It's not the end of the world when others DON'T like you or your company. There are more people out there who care to sit and chat with me. You say 'Bye', I say 'Hi' to others!

So back to the main story here. Today, a friend ('A') who works with an "ex-friend" told me on how he couldn't stand her at work! I just listened la. Just nodded and shrugged. I know why he couldn't take her anymore cause she IS a pain in the a**! He even called her "weak minded" as I added to her as "over sensitive".

I remember back in Uni when this particular person was so over sensitive over my comment on her pale face. As a friend (back then) of course la I was worried since she was someone who won't leave the house without make-ups on! Ok la, maybe she thought I was a lil harsh asking her, "Why you look so pale? Are you OK?" but trust me! Wallahi, hurting her feeling was NOT what I intended. You know what she did? She didn't speak to me the rest of the semester! Geez! Let her be la. I don't wanna cause her anymore pain as she finds me a "mulut celupar" kind of girl. Well, honestly, I should thank her though cause she taught me to watch my mouth more seriously, even on a very simple matter as such 'innocent' remark I did (other friends of mine said the questions above were purely innocent, so yeah! I'd like to think it that way).

Hmm ... at other time, I made a mistake to another friend 'B' during a tutor (who did not even mind about it cause she knew it was unintended), but this "ex-friend" burst and dared to say to 'B', "If I were you .... I would ....." (you don't wanna know the end of that sentence ... sigh~). Feeling guilty, I bought 'B' a red rose and a box of Ferrero Roche chocolate. 'B' was surprised and had even forgotten what I had done the day before. I was like ... hmmm ... So why did the "ex-friend" go mad when 'B' didn't even care? Sheeesh!!!

So today, talking to 'A' about her, I couldn't help feel sad for the situation he is in. Working with a lady like her can make his life hell. Been there, done that!!

Thank God we are now "ex-friends". Can't tolerate her attitude no more!


PS: Before ending the 'sharing chit-chat', 'A' then remembered something.

Back in 2006, I gave a short talk on tackling exam classes. The "ex-friend" was there and 'A' sat next to her. 'A' told me this "Hey! Look there!" *while I was doing my talk* "Yeah, why?" Then she said to 'A': "I DON'T LIKE HER!" (I only knew 'A' in November 2007).

Sigh~ Some people are just .................

The Fat & Chubby Issues

This is not the entry that came in mind when I logged in today. After signing-in, I saw an up-date of HCAC Blog (the Hamids Clan Association Company <-- cousins' site). The recent topic is the above, after been translated to English. I rolled on my tummy laughing so hard reading my sister's entry on it! If you're a Bruneian, go ahead and have a read but to my Malaysian friends, you might find some words difficult to understand, sorry :-)

Click here and you're welcome to drop a few lines on our chat box or comments page :-) Have fun!!

PS: To my sister, Nurul, HAPPY BIRTHDAY darling!! Let's go out for a movie and ice-cream!!

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

No Turning Back


Anna swallowed hard. Her tears welled up her eyes. It was not the first time. It had been months and the sight of their faces still crossed her head, especially when she hit her bed to sleep. There were times without counts that she cried herself to sleep.

Everything seemed like yesterday ...

"No mum! I'm not going!!"
"I said get ready now. I told you so you're coming with us!"

"Dad!!"

"You will be alone now Anna. Come with us. It won't take long .."

"Dad, I got too much work to do. Exam's coming too!!"

"Anna, that can wait. Let's go. Dad said it won't take long. It's just a wedding. Won't take forever."
"I don't wanna!!!"


With that, Anna slammed the door on everyone's face. Her mum sighed her disappointment while dad took the car keys and went to the garage. Sheila, on the other hand, grabbed hold of their little brother, Daniel, and went off to the car. In a few moments, the house was silent.

Anna came out of her room and felt relieved. Holding on to the remote control, her eyes were glued on the various channels her fingers clicked on. Time passed by, the phone rang. It was Tania, her best friend. For the next hour, she spent the time up-dating gossips they knew of in school.

As night fell, Anna finally went to her room and took out her Algebra homework. Trying to solve the problem, Anna thought of Sheila, her elder sister, who was now studying in college. She was the computer geek of the family. Anna herself was good in History and Geography, the two subjects that Sheila was really weak at. They usually did their homework together, having Sheila giving more than taking in throughout. Daniel, being a 3 year old toddler, was always disturbing the two at the table. Both usually gave in and entertained him till he was bored to play.

Anna woke up from sleep as the phone rang continuously. Figuring out the time on the wall, it showed almost 9pm and the house was still full of silence, except for the sounds of the crickets and toads. Her eyes were too heavy to open yet the phone continued ringing. She crawled towards the phone and as she reached it, it stopped. Her curses were heard in the night.

Back at the table, she held on her pen and calculator, trying to solve the Maths problems again. As she was calculating the numbers, the phone rang again. She dropped everything and went to answer the phone.

"Maybe it's dad!" she whispered ...

A few words from the end of the line, Anna screamed hysterically. Soon after, panicking, she left the house and knocked on the neighbour's door. With tears rolling down her face, she begged for their help.

"Calm down, Anna. We will take you to the hospital. Be calm ..." Mrs. Kaur tried to soothe her.

As they reached the Emergency Room, Anna froze seeing dozens of people there. Mr. Kaur, being the head among them, walked towards a group of nurses and doctors ahead. Anna was seated, still crying, with Mrs. Kaur nearby.

As a doctor walked towards her, and with the look on Mr. Kaur's face, Anna shook her head in disbelief. She knew it was not good news coming to her.

As the news was delivered, Anna screamed in shock. Sadness overcame her as she saw images of that morning's fight. She saw nothing soon after, as she fell to the floor, fainted.

When she woke up, she was in her bed. Prayers were heard downstairs and she could hear whispers of how the accident had happened. Her father's Pajero was hit by a truck going on the wrong direction and the lives of her family were lost at an instant.

She cried and cried as the thoughts of her family emerged on her head. The cheeky smile on Daniel's face would be missed dearly and there'd be no one who could help her with her Algebra problems from now on. Losing her parents would be too difficult to endure.

Now, she had no one. For months being alone, she survived under relatives' symphaty, whose love could never replace those of her lost family.

If she could turn back the time, not only she's refuse to go to the wedding. She'd make them stay!

There was no turning back. And all she could do was cry herself to bed again that night ....


Written by : Suzila A
Inspired by: Music Lesson in 2006

Out with the Guys

Scene: at Hua Ho Mall, 2nd floor near rows of crystal flowers
Time: 4pm

Me: I don't know why people buy these pricey stuff!
Saiful: Hey! These are for good! You gotta see what you spent on you know!
Me: Ah c'mon! One knock will crash 'em all! Don't your kids ever do that?!
Saiful: Sigh~ Well, there are few scratches after they knocked 'em off but they're still fine!
Danny: Suzi, you don't like these? For the living room? You know, for decos ....
Me: Me? C'mon la! Why spent so much on such thing? There's other cheaper way to decorate the house!
Saiful & Danny: *silent and changed look*
Danny: Well, I did buy a pair, of the same pattern. I put 'em at the corners of the room ...
Saiful: Waah! That should be nice! How much did you spend?
Danny: Well, it's pricey ....
Me: See!!! EXPENSIVE! Why spent so much!
Danny: True ah ... Spent so much, regret later ... Sigh~~
Saiful: Well, it is expensive but I have NEVER regretted buying it!!
Me: Mmmbaaah .... *shook head*

====================================================================

Scene: Hua Ho Mall, ground floor
Time: 4+pm

Danny: Eh eh! Look! This one is nice!! *pointing at a bottle of perfume*
Saiful: Huh?
Danny: Look at the perfume head (cover). Fuhh! That is nice!
Saiful: Errr .... you buy perfume for that?
Danny: Yes la! Perfume bottle with designed top is what a nice perfume to buy!! *sounded confident*
Me: Errr ... Aren't we supposed to buy perfume coz of its smell???
Saiful: *LOL*
Danny: *ignored us and left*

====================================================================

Scene: in the car, on the way from HA's house
Time: 6+pm

*The conversation started off after we visited HA's house for Eid. She was telling us on how her relative had gained profit for selling cakes for Raya, whom had got $30,000. Fuhh!!

Me: Waah! Really good ah selling cakes business! 30k in a month! Fuhh!!! I'd be rich in no time!!
Danny: Why? You wanna start selling your "Tapak Kuda" kah? *LOL*
Saiful: *speaking with different voices* Errr ... Suzi, you get ready to Japan now ah! (imitating HA). Owh sorry HA, I am making cakes now!! (imitating me) *LOL*
Danny: Yes, sorry HA. This costs me 30k to do. Japan can wait! *LOL*
Me: *LOL* <--- Darn! Couldn't find a better word to attack these evil monsters!! Grrr!!! Haha!!!

Monday, 13 October 2008

Not a Good Start ... Fine in Between ... Bad Ending ...

My day started off with bad news from our clerk: my application to join the Public Relations Unit was rejected. Apparently, we overlooked the fact that the vacancy was meant for Diploma applicants, not a degree holder. Good! At least now I know I am rejected not because I am not qualified. Just wanna take the positive side of the whole thing really cause I had been looking forward to shift to that unit since I have so much interests in the area the unit is handling. Sigh~ Bukan rezeki .....

The day at work then turned from bad to worse! I started to feel unwell and having a bunch of students with not much interest in studying, it's just frustrating! So, I made them memorize the reasons to using Present Simple Tense!! Do you know that there are many ways why we should use it?? Well, my students didn't!! Not that I never told them but it just seems that whatever I have taught them have gone to the drain!! It is just .......... frustratingly annoying!!!

I met Sharul at lunch time. We watched Painted Skin at The Mall. It's a nice movie. Serious and funny in between. Then he drove me to La Femme in Bunut. I paid the $700 balance for my next treatment this Friday. Mum made me take the package again cause she thinks I have gone tooooo fat this time, erk!! Sigh~~

I went off to buy some ingredients for "Tapak Kuda" after we had our early buffet dinner at Red Chilli. Sharul didn't seem to enjoy the meals cause he's suffering from cold and swollen in his left ear. Just before we finished the BBQ dishes and Tom Yam Soup, Danny and Saiful came in. We had a quick chat between meals before leaving. It started raining heavily after Sharul and I stopped by a pet shop.

By 7pm, I got home and was forced to join my mum to my uncle's place. By then, I was starting to feel sick. I had taken in a packet of "Tolak Angin" syrup and soon after I vomited what I had consumed in Red Chilli, erk!! I started to feel the fever and cold. I guess my body can't tolerate the over-changing weather recently.

We finally went home at 11pm. I slept all the way home. Just didn't have the energy to stay awake no more. I didn't even join in playing with Haziq, whom had just got new pets of gold fish. I didn't want to get him infected with my flu and cough.

I went straight to bed when I got into my room. My head felt so heavy and I could feel the pain in my thoat! Oh no! I am sick again!!

What a bad day today :-(

I AM AN ARIES: The Daredevil (huh??)

Energetic (yea, in many ways)

Adventurous and spontaneous (definitely)

Confident and enthusiastic (yup!)

Fun (hmm ... I should ask my friends that!)

Loves a challenge (100%)

EXTREMELY impatient (well, I hate waiting. Does that count??)

Sometimes selfish (am I??)

Short fuse; easily angered (hell yeah!)

Lively, passionate and sharp wit (hmm ... No comment!)

Outgoing (for sure!)

Lose interest quickly - easily bored (most of the time)

Egostical (in some ways; my baby says "in MANY ways" LOL!!)

Courageous and assertive (I agree!)

Tends to be physical and athletic (hmm ... Naah!!)

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My engagement: 01.01.10

My engagement: 01.01.10
Suzila Ahmad

The engagement ring :)

A cake from him

For him

With my dad & Sharul's :)

With my mum and his :)

With two of my closest girlfriends: Azean & Yanti :)
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