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Seconds ticking since Suzila is HIS

Monday, 28 January 2008

Me Then Vs Now

As a child, I was born with my cheeky attitude. Smaller friends of mine would be victims of my wickedness. Looking back, I shake my head for what I was as a child. I remember a classmate of mine back in primary school saying what a bully I was that she used to cry because I was so awful to her! I could feel my cheeks burning as we were in Uni at that time. Others heard her remarks and gave me the ‘look’. That was just embarrassing…

I was also not really good in studies. I was (and still am) very weak in calculations and could never have a clue ‘why’ we should learn Chemistry. A close friend of mine, who is a Chemistry teacher, actually screamed at me when I told him about ‘my thought’ of Chemistry as ‘a waste of students’ time’. I shrieked as he was driving along a roundabout! Imagine what could possibly happen at that time!! In the commotion, he attacked me with numerous questions: “What makes the clothes you’re wearing? What makes the grip on the road when you drive?” bla bla bla… I shrugged (well, I wanted to say ‘wool’ makes clothes we’re wearing and the tyres’ thickness make the grip on the road but, well, just letting him win ahaha!) He said, it’s the formula in Chemistry help making things together. Without Chemistry, we can never have things bind together!! Satisfied, he smiled seeing my two wide eyes of awe. I never knew that!!! I guess I had a bad Chemistry teacher back in High School then! Or it’s me who was just… slow! :(

But then, I won’t say ‘No’ if ever I heard my teachers said what a weak student I was. Well people, for one, I am very bad with numbers. You give me a set of mathematical problem, I’m sure going to end up crying trying to solve it ‘without’ my calculator! But I do remember one Maths teacher I had when I was in Sec 1. He was so good that I can still remember the BODMAS formula (Yea yea! I know! Anyone can still remember that haha!). And in Sec 3, I got the highest mark in Maths. I became the centre of attention that day as classmates asked me where I had my tuition. Waaa! That feeling was just… Phew! Terangkat yoh! Hehe…

Then another subject I was weak at, English! I only enjoyed English in Primary School. All was fun in English. We had speech club, poster competition and I can still remember my English teacher in Primary 3, Mrs. Alison. She gave us this ‘star’ to be recorded and in the end, students with the highest number of stars got the present. Of course I won hehe :) Then in Secondary School, everyone I knew didn’t use the language much plus, our English teachers were not as fun as Mrs. Alison. English became a nightmare in my Secondary years. Eventually, I got Credit 6 in my O’Level English (one of the 3 students who scored credits in my school really)…

But, that was me then. Now, maybe I still can’t be good at Maths or calculations and making sense of Chemistry. But one thing for sure guys, I am now more fluent in English!!!

I had very low self esteem in my ability speaking in English. I could only write but not speak as good. So last year, I re-took English O’Level Exam. Today, just after work, I heard the news that the result was out. Guess what people! I got “A”! :) Now, I am more confident!

Just want to share with you guys here. My little brothers also got impressive results. My brother, Puchen, got “C” for Geography and Maths and “D” for Chemistry in A’Level. My youngest one, who sat for O’Level, got “A” for Malay, “B” for Maths and Physics and “D” for English and Chemistry. Tonight, we’re going out dinner, the whole family. We also plan to have a barbecue next Saturday at our place :)

My two younger sisters in Uni now also got good results recently. One got grade “C” while the younger one got “B”. They have just filled in their forms pursuing Masters for next year’s entry. I wish they will get it! :)

From all these, now I believe, what we were before, would not necessarily reflect what we are now! As for me, the happiest persons in the world at this very moment are my parents! :) They have worked so hard on us all and we have shown our best for them! Mum and dad, these are for you!! :)

Saturday, 26 January 2008

To MO, Words From The Heart

Hi MO! Thanks for visiting my page here. As I said to you before, I really appreciate our time online together. You have made me feel much better and concious of things that I was naive about before. Thanks for the talking. Thanks for the time. Thanks for truth. Thanks for listening. Thanks for everything! :)

Honestly here people, couldn't think of better words for my friend MO here. That's how much he has made me feel. I feel 'speechless!' Not for the truth but for what he has taught me to 'see'. But dearie, there are limits to how I 'see' things that happened. My world is so small and 'trouble' is the last thing that I want to cause everyone with. I hope all the talking started and ended there okay dear... :)

Here are some lines for you my friend. The voice from my heart. Hope you can 'hear' it the way I 'say' it...

Net we met
Jokes told
Smile on me
Secrets unfold
Open up more
Trust built
Closer now
Can’t think somehow
Words are nothing
Compared to you darling
‘Bad verses!’ you’d say
But believe me man!
I am trying here
Can’t think straight
Guess words can’t weigh
The kindness, care
And all that you’ve shared

Thanks again. May Allah grants us both with good hearts and stronger faith in Him each and every day of our lives, Ameeen...

Sunday, 20 January 2008

2001, 2008

I thought today would be filled with emotion and tears but it was really the opposite of it all. If me and Sharul were still a couple and had the blessing from my parents, we would be married today, as planned. I gave him a ring last night. I didn't want to make it sound too expressive so I said, "Hey! We're supposed to be married tomorrow, weren't we?" There was silence on the other line. It took him a while to get what I was saying. "It's 20th January, 2008. We planned to get married on this date, remember?" Another silence there. "Yes, I remember."

I had lunch with BLA+1 today at Emperor's Court then I called Sharul. We went out and had a talk about what had happened between us that ended with us in silence. It was touchy when we eventually smiled at each other over the heartache that we have. We have agreed to become friends the moment we learnt that it's impossible for us to be one. We have faced the fact and admitted to God's words.

20th January represents 2001, the year we met. As today falls on Sunday, we decided to tie the knot so as to remember the date we fell in love and 2008 as the year we get married. Sweet isn't it…

Sharul, may our lives be blessed always. I love you...

Tuesday, 15 January 2008


The word 'respect' always gives me the idea of how we ‘should’ react or treat people around us. In my context of ‘respect’, as I have seen it through my up-bringing, it’s when you give extra attention to those we admire and value so much. In this sense, that would be the elders: either related or not to us; those top ranked individuals: our leaders, captains, even colleagues; and those who are in our surround community: neighbours, friends, cleaners, children, whoever! But just recently, I started questioning myself, how actually other people ‘see’ the term ‘respect’ nowadays? How do others show their respect to people around them really? Especially their respect to women.

As you all know (if you’ve read my previous blogs), I have an account in Tagged and through Tagged I met some friends with very ‘challenging’ characters. Some are scary. Some are entertaining. Some are different. Some are simply…… new! They ‘open up’ my eyes on viewing, experiencing, learning and adapting to human characters around me. Among these encounters, I learnt a different side of the word ‘respect’.

An encounter I’d say, is very different from the term ‘respect’ I have in my nurtured education. For these particular individuals, to show respect to their women is by touching them, kissing them and have that intimacy with them, even without that life-time commitment. It’s shocking as I was raised in a strong Islamic ideology that a ‘respect’ to a woman is just the ‘opposite’ of the above actions.

From what I have learnt my whole life as a Muslim, women in Islam, as written in the Kitab, are protected from those, shall I say, ‘illegal’ actions. Women and men in Islam are forbidden to do such actions before marriage. Why? This is to maintain the good name of Muslim individuals, especially women, as well as protecting them from harm in the Islamic society. Men are even required to expend a lonesome of worthy fortune to women in their marriage. This is not to show the world that Muslim parents ‘could sell’ their daughters to another, but this is for the men to show ‘respect’ and ‘appreciation’ not only to the parents of the women, but to their family roots as well. I am proud to say here that women in Islam are respected, even when they agree to their life commitment to their men of choice (or not).

Then how in the world do these people I know that respecting women should simply be the 360˚ opposite of the written norm in our Kitab? Ask yourself, would you do that to any girl you meet and show ‘that kind’ of respect to her? If that so, would you then touch, kiss and sleep with every single female species that you meet to show her ‘how much’ you respect her?? Then it would be funny if the woman is as old as your mother or even your grandmother! If you know what I mean!!! MasyaAllah!!!

Really, I still don’t get the logic learning these people’s ideas of ‘respect’ to women. It is sad knowing some men’s thoughts of ‘respect’ should be shown in ‘those ways’ while logically, women need the respect from every single soul to keep them protected, praised and honoured. When they are treated those ways, by men they meet, what would happen to these roses?? Allah knows best!

I have to thank the Tagged Team for once again, making me ‘see’ another side of the world that I am still trying to learn. May Allah protect me from the ‘respect’ of this kind of men…

Sunday, 13 January 2008


Hi everyone! Here’s a poem made by myself and Mamashasha. We really cracked our minds doing this so we’d really appreciate it that you read through and see how close we’ve become over Tagged. You may copy and paste this but we’re sure you can never sense how strong our friendship is :)

A ‘hello’ started it all
All words were then one
The midnight rang was I recalled
Forget the moment would be none
Laughters followed, secrets shared
Trust built, friendship cared
Shared and cared where it began
Jokes build our friendship, again and again
Memories made, our friendship never ends
Time spent outside the net
Our meetings just can’t await

Lunch dates always made
Times weekly never wasted
‘Yeah sure!’ always the answer
Say ‘No’ would be never
Time and time on the line
Making sure everything's fine
Your cooking’s delicious, all perfect
Ambuyat and sambal make me fat :)
Cookings praised, hospitality appreciated
Felt cared, loved and well-treated
Hey! That's my line u're stealing from
They're all true, didn't wanna go home
Cute Shasha kissed me goodbye
Will sure never stop dropping by
Didn’t wanna go home surely proven
Never stop dropping by, surely can
You’re always welcome here dear
Today, tomorrow and even the day after
Thanks mama for your kindness
My friend, you’ve filled my loneliness
Through this verse, I’m proud to say
You’re always be my soulmate
Each line represents, honestly made
To show all we're best of mates

PS: Black verses by Mamashasha, Blue verses by Suzila

Friday, 4 January 2008

Touching Moments

This time, I dedicated this post for my close friend, Mamashasha. Dearie, I mean every word I wrote here..

At the door, wore that smile
Stepped my foot in that aisle
Shasha's there smiling at me
Waving gleefully, eyes on me
Gathering all feel welcome
Time passed, gotta go home
Kissed goodbye, forever not
Till next time, see you lot!

My dearest friend, thanks for the lunch invitation (and dinner!) today. On the way home, I counted the hours I spent with your family at your place. Wow! I was there for 7 hours! Do u believe that?! I feel like home being among you guys and I do hope the invitations will keep coming (up till you guys are there in the UK haha). Really Zee! I thank you for the sweet and welcoming treatment. Wish I have a family and a baby (as cute as Shasha :p) and invite you guys to my place too! You will definitely get my extra specials too!!!!

I had a good time today. Hope our friendship blooms forever! :)

Thursday, 3 January 2008

Soled Hearts

She gazed out the window ... breathless
Watching the rain hit the ground
Her heart's filled of desires ... sighing
To reach out and cry
“Come back baby, come to me!
Don’t leave me, hold me please ...”
But could he hear her scream
When he’s there out of her reach

Now the rain fell harder ... louder
Beating the ground, wetting the floor
Her heart's full of crave ... hopeless
For her soul so poor
Desperately wanting him
And needing him forever
“Come baby, come heal me
Melt this icy heart please!”

The wind blew hard now ... thudding
Branch knocking on the window seal
Startling her from that dream
When their arms together tied
And fingers tight in between
He kissed her forehead tenderly
Drawing a smile on her face
As she closed her eyes
She whispered “Make this live please ...”

That dream’s gone now
Her heart beat nothing but his name
Looking at the empty walls
A tear dropped in the empty soul

The rain’s stopped
But her heart’s still raining
The night falls torture her pillow
As she cries herself to sleep
“Oh baby I miss you!
My heart bursts with the thought of you”
His voice fills the space
Draws a sweet smile on her face
His jokes kill her pain
Though goodbye seems to remain

She wants him still and loves him much
He says the same, even cries in sighs
Two worlds apart, forever attached
No one understands, but those two hearts

Tuesday, 1 January 2008


Here comes the new year! Yet, I still feel like I am in 2007. In fact, I am not quite 'ready' to let go of 2007 yet. Why? A lot of things happened last year.

I was busy the whole year, with various demanding workloads that should be handled with care and 100% concentration. Then again, the saddest thing was I broke up with my ex whom I had gone out with for almost 6 years. With the heartache, I traveled to several places 'to see' His wide world and open up my mind on what I have missed the last 28 years of my life. Alhamdulillah, I learnt a lot and I start to 'love' myself again. Sharul and I remain bestfriends.

Then, in April, I joined Tagged and have become active since last May. Really guys, Tagged has helped me a lot with a lot of things. Of course, I met lots of people and I have met some of them in person. A few months ago, Alex from Malaysia came to see me, twice in fact, then Rocky C, a Filipino, visited me soon after that. And last month, I had an eye-to-eye meeting with Mamashasha, who is now a close friend of mine! When I had my vacation in KL a few weeks ago, I met Frank, Henry, Kingsley and Clement. They are all nice people and I am so glad that we are friends.

Among those I befriended, I became very close with one special person, Sulaiman. This person has changed me a lot in so many ways, changes my perspectives in life and makes me more matured in seeing things around me, especially the Almighty's attention on me all this time. Now, as I see it, life without sadness is life without happiness. Thank you Sulaiman. All your teachings will be with me always, InsyaAllah! And recently, I opened this blogspot, as requested by some of my Tagged fwenz. And I am glad that YOU spotted me here and reading this!! Hehe :)

Career wise, I am glad to say, I have achieved from the hardwork and sweat I spent last year. I chaired several meetings, went all the way to other offices and districts to represent our papers, holding two important responsibilities trusted on me (that might have caused thousands of people's future IF I mishandled them) and I also held a post that required me to look after and lead at least 65 people under me. Now, after an administration reshu­ffling, I am holding one of the biggest posts at work, Alhamdulillah, and I am very proud to be 'spotted' by those higher ranked officers in the Ministry and represented my department to Singapore on a course for a week last November. You see, I have A LOT of things to remember and cherish last year.

2007, you are UNFORGETTABLE!!!

I AM AN ARIES: The Daredevil (huh??)

Energetic (yea, in many ways)

Adventurous and spontaneous (definitely)

Confident and enthusiastic (yup!)

Fun (hmm ... I should ask my friends that!)

Loves a challenge (100%)

EXTREMELY impatient (well, I hate waiting. Does that count??)

Sometimes selfish (am I??)

Short fuse; easily angered (hell yeah!)

Lively, passionate and sharp wit (hmm ... No comment!)

Outgoing (for sure!)

Lose interest quickly - easily bored (most of the time)

Egostical (in some ways; my baby says "in MANY ways" LOL!!)

Courageous and assertive (I agree!)

Tends to be physical and athletic (hmm ... Naah!!)

Fun with your photos
Created with - photo fun

My engagement: 01.01.10

My engagement: 01.01.10
Suzila Ahmad

The engagement ring :)

A cake from him

For him

With my dad & Sharul's :)

With my mum and his :)

With two of my closest girlfriends: Azean & Yanti :)