The "unseen" tasks

And so .. this week's hell for me. Well, professionally I mean. At one occasion, I was standing at my table, looking down at my mountain-high books that I needed to check and without me noticing, I said out loud: "I wanna quit my job!!!" Hearing that, my colleagues in the same room laughed. "Now now, you must be stress Suzi. Take a deep breath," and so I did. Then of course, I laughed too. Gosh. What a hectic week!

It is during this time that I tend to wish and dream that the job as a teacher is just simply ... teaching. My mum was a primary school teacher herself and towards her retirement years, she was sighing of exhaustion and at times, she'd compare the job of a teacher then and now. I am thankful that she was one because she'd understand my being late home as I had to stay till 4pm every day trying to finish up the untouched work. At times, it feels like the day flies so quickly yet too much work is still undone. And at the end of the day, you reach home and bam!! You're out of energy. I am thankful too that I am now used to not bringing work home. Why? I deserve a good long rest after the long hours at work. I keep advising my colleagues who happen to be working under me to do the same as I do. So if you're bringing piles of books beyond the school gates, you better hide them from me if you don't want me to scream at you!

But looking back, I wasn't like this. Too sensitive over stuff and taking other things so lightly. Maybe I am still traumatised for feeling "unwanted" after contributing too much sweat at the previous work place I worked at. I think I don't want to give too much anymore. Or maybe simply, I just can't be the same "me" a few years back. Years ago, my brain and willingness took control of everything: my body, my mind. Now, I guess it's different. Way different. Now, my body is controlling me. Everything about me. I can't push my self anymore. I can't do as much as before. Because I know, if I do, it's me who will have to suffer physically. I now know I shall prioritize my health and shall not push my self too hard. And so, my brain has set that button. Thus, the old "me" has gone. Dead.

Yet, when time is running fast, and too much is unsettled, I'd silently wish that the old "me" is at present. I wanted to have that super energy back so I could do everything and have it done in a second, feeling less exhaustion than I feel now. At times, I admit, I miss the old "me". I miss the time when I enjoyed working and complained less. I miss that super energy. Of course, NOT the workloads.

And I hate parents who seem to "unable" to see how their children behave in school. I hate it most when they blame other kids, even us teachers, for their children's misbehaviour. I hate it when parents do NOT cooperate with the school when they in fact want something in return. These types of parents are making our lives teachers more difficult! If they cannot take care of their own children, the least they can do is TRY to understand that us teachers are looking after 1000+ children in school. Do we complain? Not when these children listen to us.

What we need are, parents' support and trust. Is that too difficult to do?? Especially when we teachers are also their children's P-A-R-E-N-T-S?? I am not saying all parents are not cooperative. Not few are. And I am thankful and I always pray that they will continue to support us, to believe in us, because we teachers only want to achieve that one aim: to see our children grow healthily, mentally and spiritually educated. I am sure all parents out there agree with me. Now, what I don't understand is, why in the world an existence of such parents yang menyusahkan keraja guru?? Chehh!!

Well, anyway, just letting go of my frustration here. Lately, I experienced not once, but many times of uncooperative parents. They really made my day. I am just ... speechless! I pray that less parents would be like that and I pray that "those" parents will eventually see how we teachers are struggling to give the best for their children. Aamiinnn to that!

I am going to enjoy my Friday tomorrow. I need sleep. I need rest. 12 more days to the trip to Bandung is now my way to soothe the hurting feeling I have inside now. I don't hate my job. I just hope that I could handle it better in future and of course, no more uncooperative parents in my diary. No more please ya Allah. Aaamiinnn...