The "what if we get pregnant" talk

I didn't have much to do the past two days of my sick leave. Was I enjoying my self? Not so much. Did I do much work? I did none actually. All I did was stay in bed. The tablets are just making me feel sicker, though the flu is receding. Blocked nose though. I had too much sleep that at the end of the day, I feel dizzy the whole day.

Hubby is still working overtime. The first night I was sick, he came home early, like 8pm. Then the next day, he was at the door at 3pm. He didn't say it out loud but I think he's worried about me sick. Him and his no-can't-show-her-how-I-feel mood. Blah! I know you love me sayang!

Before he was home, the sisters-in-law were hinting on again. It's becoming more frequent lately that I find it cute hehe. Amal was even requesting for twins! And Nadia, she was even willing to give us her room so hubby and I could get enough space for a baby cradle. When she told that to mom and dad, they were just too exited to renovate the room for us. I mean, I am not even pregnant yet lol! Ok, I get the hint alright ;)

And so, on the way home from a movie last night, I brought up the topic. Hubby was laughing when I told him the afternoon hinting story lol! Then he moved on saying how his colleagues thought that I was expecting too now that I am on sick leave. Apparently, he was mentioning me to his friends at work, and with that, he left work early because I was sick. He was teased then that we were pregnant! Oh boy. LoL!

I got teased at work too you know. A veteran colleague actually advised me to get preggy soon as I am not getting younger by day. Then despite my excuses, she made herself an example. At almost 55, her youngest son is now still in Year 8. Her fear now was being unable to spend her salary on him now that she is retiring soon. She also regretted how her youth was wasted on waiting for "the right moment" then, now that she was not young anymore to see her youngest child grow up as a man.

When I told this to hubby, he then told me what he thinks of the whole getting-pregnant-now thing. With the teasing from his friends, he actually said to them how having a baby is not as easy as one would think. Yes, having babies is His rezqi. But, we have to think wisely: we have to be prepared; mentally and most important of all, financially. Planning is the best thing to do now that we are not ready 100%.

One, hubby is still working outstation, which requires him to be away from home at least 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. I am, too, busy with work, which requires me to be on duties till late afternoon, almost every day.

Two, again, the hoping for masters degree scholarship excuse. If I get it, and be pregnant or have a baby at the same time, my studying periods will be ... I just can't imagine!

Three, financially, we're good. But not GOOD good, if you know what I mean. We calculated, even B$500 per month is not enough to raise a child nowadays. In the next few years, he/she will go to school and that will cost more - and we plan to send him/her to prestigious school in the first few years of his/her kindergarten years.

Four, it's mostly fear. I think hubby feels it too. Will we be good parents? Will we be able to teach him/her right? Will we be able to protect him/her from anything that causes him/her pain? Will we be good role models to him/her?

There are just too much responsibilities to bear. I know he wants it too, as much as I do. But to be mummy and daddy now, I think we are both not ready yet.

Okay, this is making me sad. I better stop now.