The day Ramadhan cries

It's almost 7am now on 29th Ramadhan 1432H. It's been raining since before 6am today. I can't get back to sleep after sahur. In fact, I woke hubby up an hour earlier than our usual sahur time. I cooked some noodles for us at 1am coz he requested for indomie. I thought, why not cooking him noodles instead.

Well, he chose to have some McD's he bought in Miri yesterday for sahur. His tummy aches since 4 days ago and he has been very selective of food he takes - which ironically, some fast food and indomie are in his wish list. I told him to have him checked at the clinic but he refused to do so. He said he hated seeing doctors especially now. I say, it's his kiddy side talking. He chose to go to work instead and spend hours in the loo every day.

But the heavy rain is a big help today. It makes him stay in bed! He even asked me whether he should go to work or not. Of course I said he shouldn't. I used the heavy rain as an excuse, which he listened. If my charm had gone rusty, I'd use any tricks there are to keep him in bed with that condition!

So, he's sound asleep now, while here I am blogging as I can't get back to sleep since sahur. My eyes are heavy but the brain just refuses to sleep. So the brain wanders...

I think it rained this heavy last year on this very day. The year before too. And the year before that. People say, end of Ramadhan always rains showing that the spirits of the dead are crying as they have to leave families and friends behind. They cry because they have to wait another year to pay visits to the living. They cry because they want to stay longer, and never return to where they belong. They cry because of the sadness they can't bear inside. What say you?

I say, Ramadhan is sad leaving us. And I believe Ramadhan is sad when people play fireworks every night. It must feel like he is unwanted. I believe Ramadhan is sad when the radio is playing Raya songs as early as 7th day of fasting. Also sad when people are busy making kuehs and cakes for Raya instead of embracing him at all times.

I say, Ramadhan is sad witnessing certain people choose to stay home than spending time at the masjids. Or choose to sleep all day than waking up reciting those holy verses. Or stay awake during the nights performing Tarawikhs and Witr. I say, some of us forget to do our best in Ramadhan. These, among other things, make Ramadhan cry.

And I think Ramadhan is unhappy because I have not spent much time with him this year. I think I will forget him tomorrow but Ramadhan will come and see me again next year, if Allah wills it. I hope Allah wills it..

Ramadhan is crying still now. Now I am sad. My heart breaks letting him go, every time. And it's always too late to realise it...

The one with precious moments spent

After we dined out yesterday, we went to Qlap. Our main intention was to look for this cat, whose picture had been put up in facebook. The cat named Tina could be seen on a counter of an electronic shop somewhere in Qlap. So to see her, we went into every electronic shop there, but we didn't get a sight of her. Instead, we got interested in a few electronic items sold. They were so cheap that we were tempted to buy one or two. But then, having no home of our own, we thought, buying them could wait. Now we have some ideas on what to get for our home one day, and at what price.

Who wouldn't want to see her. Look at that face!! (picture taken from a colleague's Fb album)

Speaking of home, I haven't really submitted nor filled in the application form for a housing for us. But when he mentioned that we need one soon, I thought, maybe it's time to apply for one.

So I said, "What if we get pregnant and have a baby, say.. next year? Who will look after the house?"

He said, "That's not a problem. We will just stay there. Not go nowhere. Easy!"

I said, "How can that be easy? I would have my mom helping me with the baby."

Then he said, "Easy peasy. I will call Nanny Mc Phee."

Sighhh! If only us women could think that worry-less huh. Sometimes I wonder how men could be so stress free, when we women wonder about even very little things.

Anyway, so I will fill in that form when I'm back to work next week insyaAllah. We shall start saving up coz it'll take 6 months to a year to get a house nowadays. By the time we get it, I hope we manage to keep a few $Ks so we can buy some furniture for the house. I don't worry much about kitchen wares and utensils. We got lots of wedding gifts that could fill up the kitchen. China sets, cooking utensils, toasters, tupperware sets, chopping knives, you name it. Alhamdulillah for that :))

Then hubby led me into this shop selling baby stuff and toys. I got so excited looking for toys for my nephew that I bought him a set. Little that I knew that hubby was counting the price for stuff needed for a baby instead. I say, awww... My heart melted right then.

He said, "Look at these. These are all we gotta buy when we get pregnant. That's a lot.."

I saw concerns in his eyes. I know he is worried about our preparation if we ever get pregnant. He said once that he wanted the best for our kid, not even a lil bit of lacks material wise, as well as his education. I know how he feels. I worry the same. We are no rich couple who has thousands of dollars in our pockets. But seeing him started counting his budget last night, that made me feel that he's going to be the best dad in the world :'))

My nephew: Muhammad Aqeel Fa'eeq, at 10 months, posing with his Baby Boo counting book :)Something I bought for Baby Fa'eeq. He loves music and gadgets. So I thought, he'd love these toys :))

The yummy sungkai

Hubby texted me through Facebook inbox yesterday saying he had booked us seats for sungkai out at Capers. It would be out first sungkai out this year as husband and wife. Last time with the in-laws didn't count. We weren't alone. Heheh ;p

We always love eating out at Capers. We love the food. We love the place. The smell... Pheww~ ;) But most importantly, we love the all-you-can-eat idea! For only $14.80 per head, and ordering as many food as we wish, who wouldn't love to go there! I mean, sungkai buffet prices have gone bonkers the past years. It's like $9.00 per head the cheapest now? Yet the dishes were just simple, a so-so taste. And the queueing takes forever to the buffet dishes. Too crowded too. So Capers it was.

We ordered 5 dishes. Apart from that, hubby took a few slices of pepperoni pizza from the buffet booth, which served 4 different kinds of pasta. At another booth, there were cakes and snacks. Just awesome! We were just too happy yesterday lol~ And I finally had my pasta carbonara yesterday, after weeks for craving. Alhamdulillah :))

Us :))

Today, I was hubby-less during iftar. He was in Miri with his friend. He said he would have McDonald's for sungkai. Since hubby was not around, so I cooked "mee basah seafood". He doesn't eat seafood. He's allergic. Kesian.

My first attempt was a success, yeay! My family loved it and my sister even thought it was mom who cooked it. I mean, that WAS a compliment! My mom is the best cook in the world what! ;p

The fried noodles

The seafood soup

Mee basah seafood. Yummy!! ;))

The passing days

The day after tomorrow shall be the sighting of Syawal. Ramadhan so far has gone by quickly. I personally haven't done much to grasp the holy weeks that I passed by. Regrets are all I ever feel and forever will as I had let those precious moments passed me by without appreciating and humbling my self to Him. I, of all servants, will not forgive my self!

Alhamdulillah. Ramadhan has been kind to all I must say. Yesterday, an ex student converted to Islam. He invited me through Facebook to his ceremony in the Religious Affairs Centre but I could not make it as hubby is using my car to work. His is at the workshop at the moment. The day before, my family held a tahlil and break the fast event at our home in Lambak. Alhamdulillah, all went smoothly. I started cooking simple kuehs as early as 10am and by 5pm, I was ready in my black jubah. It's nice seeing familiar faces gathering at our place.

Vege springrolls

Begedil

Alhamdulillah too hubby is at his best fasting. Only a day break this year compared to the previous one. His job under the hot sun has always been demanding and so, this sometimes requires him to break his fast. I always tell him off saying, "Fast today or have it any way on other normal day. It's your choice but I will make you pay every day that you break!" Alhamdulillah, he listens. I have to be mean to make him better. I am certain that there's a reason why God makes me his wife. And I shall try be a good one for him.

Every sahur is a pain this year. A small fight is inevitable on each day. Hubby is a heavy sleeper. Again, his demanding job is to blame; it drains his energy out six days a week. Hence, waking him up for sahur is the hardest trial for me as a wife. Many times I failed making him stand on his feet, nor did I make them eyes open to wake. At the same time, I refuse to bring that plate of sahur meal for him in bed. I refuse to make it a habit. I must train him, and my self. He must wake up, or no sahur for him at all.

But at times, I failed too to make my self listen. The dutiful side of me as a wife sometimes forges me to feed him in bed. I worry about his lack of energy at work the next day. Yet today, another test tickled me.

"When did you put this plate in my hands?", he asked.

I shook my head and replied, "You scolded me a moment ago for being too pushy and now you ask me that?!"

He chuckled and said, "I did? What I said?"

I shut him up by asking him to finish up his food. It was 10 minutes left to dawn.

I tell my self it's only my first year. But I also tell my self that in many years to come, I shall make better months of Ramadhan for us both. An almost a cup full of him fasting is one accomplishment I should be proud of this year.

Next year, I shall be meaner, and better. For him. And for us. Aamiiin...

The break

Today marked the second day I spent my whole day either sleeping, or you-tubeing. Facebook is unattractive too lately. All I want to do is, rest. And enjoying every bit of the break like there is no more breaks tomorrow.

2011 workwise has been tiring. I get exhausted easily. Get angry and emotional quickly too. Pressure is at its peak like all the time. Maybe that's why I have gone sick for three times this year. Give it a month or two, then I will fill in that sick leave form again. It's just not healthy. I am not happy at work this year. I am just emotionally tired.

I guess I have to, need to keep my self out of the discipline affairs. I hope I can do that next year. I wanted to do so this year but as I was hoping too much for the Masters study leave, so I told my self, why not get on with it another year. Now that study leave seems rejected, I guess next year is definite that the discipline room should be without me. I must!

I am not happy that my preparing materials time is taken away. My free time is filled with work other than marking. In the end, I end up having empty spaces in my students' marks list, which eventually reflects on me as one "not doing work on time". And I hate that it's true! Maybe I have not done my best completing everything on time. But trust me, time is just what I need.

I don't bring work home. That's been forbidden for almost four years now. Why? Because I personally feel that I deserve all the rest I need after the long hours at work. So do now. Two weeks break, it just does not feel right to be at work and finishing up those incomplete pending workloads. I mean, when else can I rest??

I fell sick just before the break started last week. Yes, again. Good that I feel much better now. See. The off-work moment does help. I feel healthy now!

A few weeks back, I was sent to have my self checked at the clinic. That ended me up sent to the ER for having high blood pressure. I was held up for almost three hours. Eventually, it gone better. It must be the anxious feeling I had before the check up. The next few days, I had the results review of my kidney, blood, sugar, cholesterol, heart, bla bla bla. Alhamdulillah that everything was normal, except my 6.3 cholesterol level. And my blood pressure, it's still borderline but not for the doctor to worry. They set me up for another appointments next January; both with the doctor and dietition. I need to lose weight. Fast!

I've been watching my food intake since then. I've lost 2kg so far. But I'm sure that will be temporary as Eid is coming soon. I have my thoughts on them cakes and meals at open houses! Geez! Losing weight is hard!

Now that I am ok with most everything, I guess losing weight is a must-do soon. As Masters study application is not (seems not) gonna happen next year, I guess my body is ready to conceive. Give it another few months, InsyaAllah, I shall have my own baby bump. Ready or not, I was on alert when the Doctor said that conceiving is possible now. I guess, that's a good sign since I had always been worried about my health and getting pregnant.

InsyaAllah. There shall be good news next year.