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Tuesday, 6 April 2010

The "what ifs" ..

It's been two days and I've been neglecting mom. I only see her during breakfast, and before going to bed. I feel so frustrated, disappointed, upset, you name it, when she just doesn't listen to what I want. She doesn't even try to fight for me.

Yesterday, I went out with Yanti, my cousin, then over dinner, she told me that her mom and my uncle and his wife were at my house seeing mom. So I assumed they were discussing on the changed wedding dates, which are now planned somewhat around the dates of their son's wedding functions. See here. My cousin's wedding functions fall on these dates:

Nikah: 24/12
Berbedak: 31/12
Bersanding: 2/1

Now see our new dates:

Nikah: 1/1
Berbedak: 7/1
Bersanding: 9/1

Do you see any problems there? There isn't any clash of dates. Do you see any?? Yet mom told me, THERE IS! And all she kept saying was: "The elders are gonna complain of the clashed dates." I was like .... what clash???

I've had enough of the changes that I didn't go home right away but went to Sharul's instead. We sat down with a calender in hand. We tried to talk it over but we didn't come up with any new dates that we thought would say "Hey, it's Sharul and Suzi's wedding day". Or maybe we've had enough of the many changes that we've encountered.

At first, it was set to be in October, but we had to cancel it coz my neighbour is getting married on the same date.

Then we moved it to December, which also falls on our 9th anniversary on our nikah day. We were so looking forward to December. I had even told my close friends of those dates. Then came Sharul's cousin begging to his mom to take it over and swap it with her January wedding dates. Sharul and I weren't happy but his mom had given her word to them so ....

But now it seems that,we can't stick to January either.

Then we tried to go back to end of November, again, his cousin just sort of booked the dates that we had left. We were like ... WTH!! Now, I seriously feel like giving up! This whole thing's got me thinking..

What if we take it easy now and forget what's going on .. and learn to "ignore"...

What if we just let it be and let the elders do everything for us, care less of the wedding right up from the start of the wedding dates itself...

What if we just cancel it ... and remain lovers for the rest of our lives...

I said the last line to Sharul last night. He looked away and sighed..

Maybe he was thinking the same..

What if.....


Princess Gizmo said...

Dear Suzie, sabar sayang. Try talk to your mum.. & tell her that this is a good time & it doesn't clash at all it just d event is well a day after your nikah. & ask her, she wants you to get married or else? Tell her, that you're not satisfied, tell her that you're already wasting your time.. Tell her that you deserve it.. Tell her in a soft way, full of love, full of understanding. Hug, kiss & beg her.. Insya-Allah, she'll listen to you.. After all you're still her daughter.

Anonymous said...

Salam suzi,

Biasalah org tua2.. Walaupun ani pasal 'wedding tani' but they will said "ani function ku" and worse wait till they said "ko tau apa, ko atu duduk2 sanang2 tu karang.. kami yang berusah-rusah..nyalih kali ah.. tah mesti liat tarikh atu inda betamu2, kesian org tua-tua" that very popular statement during my time which i guess masih lagi digunakan..
So dear, sabar ah.. biar your mommy cool dulu.. :) syair

Suzila A said...

girls, you got my point. now i am still trying to cool down coz if we do talk now, inda jadi kawin tah jawapan nya tu coz dua-dua panas...

thanks for your support. just letting go of my frustration here, not to buruk kan my mom or the elders in my family whatsoever. i know it's in our culture that we obey what they say. i'm just frustrated and upset that it's NOT in our culture that we, the children, can have our say. atu yang ku sasak grrrr....

thanks again *hugs*

Anonymous said...

ckp bah bisai2~~nda kan nada way out... ignoring ur mum will only worsen the situation kali ah~~besides she's ur mom..bedusaa ignoring indung ane~~u know better~~nada indung kn nyushkan anaknya!! just trying to remind u~~no hard feeling!!!

Anonymous said...

cakap bh bisai2~~ndakan nada way out~~ignoring ur mum only worsen d situation~~besides she's ur mum..bedusa kali ah ignoring indung ane~~u know better i'm sure! nada jua indung ane kan nyusahkn anaknya...maybe she got reasons why she did which this u can comprehend if u sit and talk instead of ignoring her!!! just to remind hard feeling!

Suzila A said...

thanks anonymous. i know it's bad ignoring parents ani but at this point of my life, i feel that i don't have the say. when i say "neglecting" is not in a way inda becakap langsung with my mom. i do. macam biasa dalenggg ganya, when i sense that the wedding dates topic is nearing the conversation, atu tah i neglect tarus tu. tau ku jua dehh hukum nya ignoring parents or urang tua completely. sometimes for me, my parents ani lebih ingaukan urang sekeliling more than their own families, and what i am not happy about is, we the children cannot have our say because it's in our culture. as you said, bedusa. daripada ku melawan cakap diorang, better tah ku neglect the topic.

thanks for commenting. sure no hard feeling. hidup ani baik jua ingat-mengingati, thanks again :)

Anonymous said...

good 2 know dat..but juz 2 remind u more..though u wrote dat u dun hv d intention kn mburukkn ur mum..but im sure n guarantee banar some or even most yg read dis entry have opposite perspctve 2wards ur mum..esp those yg INDA KENAL ur dat wat u want? ur mum kana label as bad mum?? so advice is duduk th bbincang bisai2 wt her.ask her napa ya nda stuju wt d dates..d elders dtg to ur hse shows dat ur mum is tryng to do somethng 4 u...dun u tink??n mayb she even fight 4 ur dun jump 2 conclusion dat she don't or watsoever...indung ane buknnya lama g wt us..nda tau2 isuk lusa dey leave nda salah tne sbagai anak yg break d ice..bpahala plg tu..again no hard u said baik jua ingat ngingati kan...

Suzila A said...

hi again anonymous. thanks again for the kind reminder. i appreciate that.

well, for those who do not know me (coz this blog is open for public) also those who don't know my mom, habis2 pun mesti fikir that i am a bad daughter for making such statement. not many will be thinking my mom yang a bad mom. i'm sure of that dear. yourself is implying your disagreement too right.

honestly, when i wrote this entry, i was in such frustration and anger. i don't know if you've been reading my blog since i started blogging but this is my way of releasing whatever i think, feel and such. hence the title of the blog: just being me here. i see writing as a therapy.

anyway, yes, i am a bad daughter for doing so. i am not proud but i personally think that rather than me saying things to her face, i know inda jua bisai. i am a kind of person who have a very very bad temper. i don't want to talk back so i rather think it's better not talking or sitting down with her at this particular moment. bukan nya bekira, but i think it's a better thing to do now. especially kalau marah, aku ni nda betapis becakap dangg..

i am still menyamal-ing now and she knows well not to kacau me. she's my mother after all ;)

i guess now you understand why i made such statement and why i haven't settled the matter with her. i don't wanna hurt her feeling like the way she did to me. indung inda lagi batah sama kitani kan so ..

I AM AN ARIES: The Daredevil (huh??)

Energetic (yea, in many ways)

Adventurous and spontaneous (definitely)

Confident and enthusiastic (yup!)

Fun (hmm ... I should ask my friends that!)

Loves a challenge (100%)

EXTREMELY impatient (well, I hate waiting. Does that count??)

Sometimes selfish (am I??)

Short fuse; easily angered (hell yeah!)

Lively, passionate and sharp wit (hmm ... No comment!)

Outgoing (for sure!)

Lose interest quickly - easily bored (most of the time)

Egostical (in some ways; my baby says "in MANY ways" LOL!!)

Courageous and assertive (I agree!)

Tends to be physical and athletic (hmm ... Naah!!)

Fun with your photos
Created with - photo fun

My engagement: 01.01.10

My engagement: 01.01.10
Suzila Ahmad

The engagement ring :)

A cake from him

For him

With my dad & Sharul's :)

With my mum and his :)

With two of my closest girlfriends: Azean & Yanti :)