The wall shelves and the gifts : )

Since the room had just being renovated, basically everything fell into pieces: my stuff was everywhere! It was on the eve of 1st Raya that I finally managed to clean up the room and put everything in order. It took me hours to do so!

What I'm so eager to share with all is the now installed wall shelves (which the workers hammered on not proportionally enough!) that I have in my room. I love the idea of having them so I could put my various stuff on display, or save the now shrinking-room space by throwing out my TV and DVD player's shelf. Since I haven't really bought the new TV set, so it wouldn't hurt having the shelves for some display till I buy another set of the wall shelves in the near future :)

What you are about to see below are my birthday gifts by none other than my dear BLA+1 friends :D All these times the presents were securely kept in gift boxes as I didn't have any shelves or cupboards to have them on display. What I have done now is for trials sake and indeed, I love how everything is shown on the space-saving shelves! Thanks especially to my sayang for buying the shelves for my room. I am sure gonna buy some more so I can still have all the presents on display! :D

Hold your breath coz these presents are given to me on my birthdays since 2006! Imagine that! And each and every piece is so dearly to me :) Some gifts like pashminas, bags, brooches, accessories, watches and scarfs are not put on the shelves as these are the things I wear often :) The dolphin pillow is of course not on display! Can't sleep without it! ;)

Enjoy!

The twin wall shelves: which are meant for putting my yet to buy dvd player set. The TV is gonna be attached on the wall too. For now, the gifts are kept here :)

Every gift conveys memories like the chillies here are given by Niza coz she likes chillies so much. Of course, the turtle and the blue 'rose' too :)

The phrases printed in this white plate is given by Leng. I remember her telling me that the moment she saw it, she had thought of me :) sweet! Sure yes, teachers do shape the future ;)

I love these but since I am very careless with tiny little things, I decided not to use them on my phone :) And I love the cup! I think Kiem gave me this :)

These dolphin gifts are recent (except the blue stoned one: the girls got it for me when we had our vacation in Labuan 3 years ago :)) The candles too are recent! :) The Aries coffee cup set is given by Johnny. Everybody got their own zodiac symbols' cups :)

These yellow and blue plastic bag holders are given by Lulu, small picture frame by Mas and the sea creatures frame by Yatie :)

Another dolphin statue by Mas :) A glitter bag by Yatie, the decorated card at the background with my picture there is by Roslin, and the sweets in the red covered jar is by Lulu :) I can't remember who gave me the dolphin picture frame.. Maybe Rahimah.. :( *sign of aging*

More dolphin shaped candles and paper holders :)

Pictures of us girls before Johnny joined the group :) The picture of me hugging the dolphin was taken on our trip to Labuan way back in 2006. The moment I saw the painting, I couldn't help my self so the girls started taking pictures of me hugging it! Little that I know that they printed the picture and framed it LOL!! Perfect gift!! :D

The birthday cards :)

Sometimes I wonder where they got these many dolphin stuff coz I don't see them everywhere! Amazing! :D

Book marks by everybody when they traveled overseas :) The glass paper stopper has dolphin shapes in it too! Thanks Leng :D The blue pocket mirror is given by Suria. Again, I am so careless that I rather have it here than having it in my handbag. I might crash it any minute!

Thanks Johnny for the cool cup! Even the handle is of a dolphin shape! :D The dolphin-friendship book is given by Suria. She said as if it is meant for me! :) I can't remember who gave me the "S" book mark. Maybe Roslin.. or Rahimah.. or Niza.. The presents are just too many that I lost track!! Sorry guys :(

The BEST gift by everybody! A crystal dolphin. It moves too! :)

The "almost" forgotten day!

I was out beraya with families til late night last night. By the time I logged on to facebook, I saw greetings on friends' statuses. Yikes! I lost track of the date that today's actually 23rd Sept. Brunei's official Teacher's Day :) so....

"HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY TO ALL TEACHERS IN BRUNEI DARUSSALAM"

So this morning I got a text from a colleague saying:

A good teacher is like a candle - it lights the way for others but consumes itself to do so.. Happy Teacher's Day ..

So true! So very true! I like the text so I forwarded it to several others. The replies are amusing and some are thoughtful. Here are some of them:

Happy Teacher's Day to you too. How true! We burn ourselves to educate others.. (HL)
- I see the hidden meaning of the word "burn" here. Can you? ;)

And moths and other sorts of ugly creatures hover around the lighted candle and get burnt. Can you blame the candle? (Irman)
- I can seriously relate this connotation with my every day's life facing numerous kinds of kids in and outside the classrooms. So I replied him:
We burn ourselves to educate others and when statistics show teachers are among the highest number of patients with hypertension, burning others is sure NOT a fault ;)

A good teacher is like a sun. Plants need light from the sun to survive. So do us. Students need our specialties to live! (Danny)
- I see the point so I replied:
Hell yeah! We burn ourselves for them and we burn THEM when they give tantrums!! Are we to blame??

In facebook, we had chain comments on Teacher's Day's songs. One particular song that I have always loved singing and listening to is this: (it's in Malay)

Hari pertama masuk sekolah
Tak pandai membaca mengira
Tetapi cikgu begitu sabar
Mengajar kami sungguh-sungguh

Bermula ABC sampai Z
Hitung 1 sampai 10
Baru ejaan dan kira-kira
Kami belajar dengan lancar

Berkat kesabaran
Guru bijaksana
Memberi pelbagai petunjuk
Hari demi hari
Kami mengerti
Pelajaran nilainya tinggi

Kami ingat setiap masa
Jasa guru mendidik bangsa
Sambutlah kini ucapan kami
TERIMA KASIH CIKGU.....

You won't believe I was even singing typing up the lyrics just now ;) So, during the chain singing on facebook, I remembered my teachers whom I always respected way back from primary school years right up till my uni time. So, I'd like to take this opportunity to list down some of the many great teachers I had throughout my childhood and adulthood life. They are:

The best teachers in primary school:
Cikgu Hjh Fatimah and Cikgu Dina (Malay), Mrs. Alison (English), and Cikgu Kamariah (Maths)..

The best in secondary school:
Cikgu Hjh. Khadijah and Mr. Chan (English), and Cikgu Dk. Hashimah (Science)..

College (MD) lecturers:
Mr. Simmonds (Sociology), Mr. Burke (Geography) and Mr. Krishnan (Public Affairs)..

UBD years:
Mr. Peter Crompton, Mr. Nigel Turton, Mr. Alan Chamberlain and Mr. David Presscott - he helped me with my thesis and I can't thank him enough for making me see a "B" on my result sheet! :)

Sometimes, with all the stress and depression after a long day at work, I can't help my self wondering whether I "could" stay working as an educator for the rest of my life .. Honestly speaking, I can't! I can't see my self in classrooms screaming on top of my lungs teaching in front of hungry faces when I am 60..

But my dad made it! And my mum is gonna retire this October and we all can't believe that she's actually PLANNING to continue her service!!

Will I be like them? Hmm... We'll see! Anyway, HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY again all. Spread the greetings to all your teachers. You can't deny it! Without them, you're a nobody today :)


PS: The chain singing comments on facebook started when not a single Hari Guru songs is played on the radio today. Honestly, we felt forgotten! And seriously people, I am sick of the Raya songs already!! Especially one by this particular new local artist (Aisyah??).. the one with the raps! Gawd!! BIDA BERABIS!!!

The wish

I predicted it right. No Raya today but tomorrow. Alhamdulillah now that we're fasting for 1 whole month and tonight marks the 1st of Syawwal. The sound of takbir on radios and televisions always blows the spirit of Raya no matter how much one's reluctant to rejoice in. I am one. I wish Ramadhan is longer. I pray that I will get to see another Ramadhan in many years to come aamiinnn ...

Alhamdulillah, I haven't missed any fastings and tarawikhs (except for 8 days of the 'break'). I managed to fulfill my dream of not missing my tarawikhs. Last year, I wasted my Ramadhan by not performing it as much that when the new moon was not sighted, I finally did my tarawikhs on the last night of Ramadhan. Guilt came into me that I swore I wouldn't let Ramadhan this year to pass without me having my sujood in the nights of the holy month. One regret though ... I didn't have my tarawikhs in the mosque but at home. InsyaAllah, next Ramadhan, I will try going to the mosque more often, if not every night. I pray it will come true aamiiinnn ...

So, Ramadhan this year is a very much different feeling. I don't know why, but it's a good feeling. It feels like I haven't had enough of it. I need more Ramadhan to purify my soul. InsyaAllah, I will continue fasting the six days in Raya. I haven't had enough of detoxifying my self!

So, like any others, I'd like to convey my warm Raya greetings to you all out there, whoever you are that come across this page. Sincere apologies to you all for any blunt dreaded words you found in the entries here, or inappropriate wording gentures a.k.a. swearings that you came across. At the end of the day, I am just being me here. "Minal 'aidil wal faizin. Mohon maaf zahir dan batin."

Eid Mubarak everyone!

*now where is that baju I wore last year hmm...*


PS: To my dear girlfriends, Maya and Ziah a.k.a. Mamashasha, congratulations on your new born babies. Maya gave birth to a beautiful princess on 1st September 2009 and Ziah a handsome prince on 19th September 2009. I wish to see these Ramadhan babies in the coming Eid. Aunty Suzila can't wait to hold those cute little fingers! :)

The prayer ...

"My iman is challenged as my patience is thinning and my heart is aching .... Ya Allah, please give me strength .... You only test Your servants upon their limits ....

Rabbana atina fiddunnia hassanah wa fil akhirati hassanah waqina 'azabannar ..."

Another f***ing drama!

Last night, I chatted with our Singaporean chaperon who came to Brunei last year for the camp Danny and I managed. He made my day saying the camp we organised was the best he'd gone to and that it was a good combination of both traditional and adventure. I am glad, so glad that he could see the hardwork that Danny and I had put into the camp last year.

Last year was awesome for me personally. Though I was busy like hell, I still enjoyed every single minute spent working on the camp. Of the many experiences, I can still remember the hassles Danny and I faced. The paperwork was thick with our original ideas, going here and there experimenting activities that could be called "adventurous". Not only that, we had to walk on foot in Bandar to settle things our way, go up and down offices, meet new faces, go to various places solving numerous ideas we put in bla bla bla. In short, we were multitasking throughout the year.

By mid 2008, the pressure at work and the camp was getting higher. Yet, Danny was an awesome partner. He'd be there all the time and I must say, we put on weight coz of multiple times of detoxing the pressure in restaurants we came across LOL! It was great. Great times!

Towards the end, before the camp started, I guess my body couldn't take anymore of the workloads, especially on the camp but despite that, I knew deep inside I had to be there for everybody. Personally for me, I had to be in every part of it coz I'd worked so hard, spending every drop of my energy since the very beginning that leaving it half way through was not an option. It was suicide. I was weary. My body was not responding well to the active brain of mine.

That one night, after a long discussion with Danny about the camp, I was involved in a road accident. I hit a car in front of me. I guess I was way tired. Besides, it was raining. I was alright though the steering wheel hit my tummy hard leaving bruises on. The sudden hit also bruised my toe as it hit the brake hard enough. My car was wrecked but the driver ahead was fine. That's what I cared about most at that time.

This whole thing was just the beginning actually. Soon before the camp started, I had an asthma attack. I guess my body was so weary that my immune system wasn't strong enough to fight the attack. I hadn't had it for 16 years so you could guess how bad it had been to me working on the camp. I must say I was pushing my self too hard when I wasn't strong enough to hold on to every single thing. The truth was, I just couldn't stop. I loved doing it. I enjoyed it too much. With a great partner like Danny, I couldn't resist putting all the effort in everything.

The so called drama didn't end there. The asthma attack was so severe that the doctor advised me to not join in the camp. I couldn't do that! Not after all the hard work I had put into. I felt cheated. I did hand in the MC letter to the authority, just for procedure's sake but I still presented my self in most of the activities. Not all, but I managed. This was when the big issue came in. I sensed 'it' but what the hell! It was MY camp. I just needed to be there. Enough said.

The camp was over, so was me in the whole big screen. The scene this time was simply without me in it. I hate to admit that I am forgotten. I saw, I heard, projects went on without me. Meetings held with my seat empty. I was .. AM forgotten. They have my numbers. They just forget to call me.

So last night, when the Singaporean camp chaperon told me that the next camp is gonna be held this December, boy am I not surprise I wasn't informed about it when it has been confirmed. When I referred back to Danny, I guessed it right. It IS an old story. Long known by all but me.

I feel ditched. I feel bad. This whole thing rattles me inside. It has been since this year but tonight, after mailings with Danny, I couln't hold the tears from falling anymore. All these times I just kept it in me, wondering why the treatment. Even Danny couldn't answer me. He also feels I don't deserve to be treated this way and I know he means it.

This another drama is yet another hit in me. After the multiple back stabbings, which I thought were enough, this particular drama was way hurting.

Why can't 'they' see me when 'they' can see others?

Why others can see me but 'they' can't?

Career wise, 2009 so far, sucks. It's been demotivating me. I am healing in some ways but I just hate it when everytime I began to crawl up, they attacked me again and again, from many sides.

I wish I knew what I'd done wrong coz I feel I haven't done any. Even Danny can't seem to see the invisible mistakes that I did.

That's a wrap for another f***ing drama of mine.

What I meant to share

I've been meaning to share these with you lot out there but due to certain circumstances (loyal readers could guess why I've been inactive for many months), I hadn't have the effort to even open this page. Writing comes second after reading now so here are the pictures. I'm sure they say better words than I do.

~~~ Meeting up Maya and Lulu at The Mall Gadong on 12th July 2009 ~~~

Us and our goodies! We were the lucky ones woohooo!! Thanks Maya :)

Photo takings in front of Shabby Chic ;)

Eager Lulu with her goodies :) She's Maya's biggest fan! :D

~ Lulu's birthday celebration with BLA+1 at MOD Restaurant Jerudong on 15th July 2009 ~

Blowing the candles :)

Lulu with her panda and cow presents hehe :D

Lulu opening the presents from me, throwing the 'bouguet' of ribbons to us girls hehe :P Roslin's the lucky one! Hahaha :D

Present no.1: stool/compartment

Present no.2: magnetic smileys for whiteboard
Present no.3: cloth for baju kurong (or kebaya??) ehheee :P

Present no.4: travel pillow-and-blanket
Present no.5: metal tissue case

Presents from Lulu for all of us :)

Us that day. MIA: Rahimah and Suria

~~~ BBQ at home on 19th July 2009 ~~~

Haziq, our lil entertainer

Among the guests

~~~ Diana's birthday celebration on 20th July 2009 ~~~

The newlyweds :)

Dad and my youngest brother, Azri

Zainul, me and Nurul

My eldest sister, Zima, mum and younger sister, Lija

Azri and Puchen

Zima and mum again

Zainul and me

~~~ Zainul's passing out on 23rd July 2009 ~~~

That night's news showing His Majesty handing Zainul the award :)Proudly parading in front of His Majesty and families

His Majesty mingling with families of the graduates

Our parents, Zainul and our cousin, Captain Ariffin

Picture taking with one of the high ranked officers

With Colonel Yasmin

~ Hi-tea with my sister, my cousin, Jaya and Anih at Jing Chew Gadong on 25th July 2009 ~

A last minute meet up but it was nice :)

~~~ Normas Aizah Hizazi's wedding on 17th August 2009 ~~~

I didn't get to see the dancers upclose but they entertained the guests for sure!

Mamashasha, the bride's sister and I

Shasha was moody that day. Too bad..

Gorgeous couple!

It's obvious she's happy! Am happy for both newlyweds :)

Got to finally meet Aiza, the bride's bestfriend from Malaysia. We met online some time last year. She's a cool writer :)

Aiza and Amad