Mum just sat down with me a moment ago asking why would Sharul want to see her and dad. She guessed it right when Sharul wants to discuss the 'merisik' occasion. When the marriage topic came up, she sounded ... I dunno. I sensed disagreement in her voice *sigh*
So I said, we'd just want to proceed with engagement, at least for the year. Maybe the wedding can be held next year. She then sounded at ease but when the money matter concerned, she sounded worried again *sigh*
Somehow this settle down matter is not as easy as I thought it would turn out to be. I did tell myself over and over, something bad would happen but this ... I cannot accept. This is my life. The only part of me that I yearn to keep. Is God preparing something or someone better for me? Is there light at the end of the tunnel of my so called dark winding road?
Anyway, I don't dare to complain. Irman's email just now made me realise something, which I'd like to share with all:
When God listens to your prayer, hence He loves you ..
When He delays your wishes, hence He is testing you ...
When He doesn't grant what you ask for, hence He is planning something better for you
So, never think bad of Him ... NEVER!
No matter what, in whatever conditions ...
God's love is always for us all ...
I know this message is true. I have faith in it. Allah is testing me. Above all things that I have with me, He is loosening my grasp on some of them. On top of my success, He gives me workloads trusted on me. With all those friends I have around, one or two are sending unwelcome gestures. Yes, I feel it all. I taste the goodness and feel the pain.
Of all these dear God, You know the only wish I dearly need You to fulfill. I know You listen to me, and I know You only give the best for me. I am just a servant of Yours who begs for a little bit of a life-time happiness. And I beg for You to grant me that little wish ..
I'm all tight. My hands can no longer write and say my thoughts well. My brain is freezing from thinking of the solutions. My eyes can no longer shut and let my head explore dreamless sleeps.
My life is up-side down.
I can't think. I can't do anything. I can't breathe easy.
I am hurt ...