Similarly, I would choose beef of any dish, 'rendang' or 'black pepper', over sweet and sour fish. The reason? Mom cooks better but she seldom serves red meat or lambs at home. She always says they are next-to-forbidden food in the house. And when chicken korma is on the table, I won't miss my turn having the gravy on my plate of rice. Same excuse, mom says the korma dish has 'santan' or coconut milk in it so it's not healthy. But do I listen? Of course not. It always feels like a must-eat-have dish every time.
So, seeing the extra kg. is like seeing the fatter image of me in the mirror: one quick look then I turn away. In denial? Maybe. Regret? Guilty? Sure.
I feel fatter, heavier, uglier. You name it. I guess I am in my comfort zone now, being happy and all. Maybe the next I know, I am the fattest bride ever! Nightmare. But I just can't seem to stop munching and snacking those guilty pleasures food. I am just too happy to care about how I look now, though I know I'm gonna regret this when the big day is approaching nearer..
I am having my foot massage now, sneaking out my sister's Osim massage machine. My feet feel like they're swollen: fat and bulging. I guess they can hardly carry the heavier me around. I seriously need to slim down to have me feeling better the moment I step my foot on the ground, especially every early morning when I wake up. The pain is burning inside. Every time. I really have gained so much weight!
At the moment, I am attending a week's course on listening and speaking. It's too demanding and overwhelmingly squeezing my brain out. Today, I had a slight discomfort feeling at the lower part of my neck and shoulders. I knew then I shouldn't push my self too much at that session. Maybe the food intake that I'd had has finally shown its effect. I was scared actually but I knew I had to calm my self down and to take it easy. Anxiety won't help with that condition I was in. A quick nap during lunch break had made me feel a lot better. I knew then I should control my food intake from now on. Not for my looks, but for my health.
Ramadhan is coming, which means more good but fatty food. Surely more food intake. I should hold the temptation. I should!