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Tuesday, 27 July 2010

The extra Kg.

Yep! Am not surprised actually seeing that indicator pointing to extra 3 lines of kg. on the weighing scale. I was kind of expecting it, though of course deep inside was hoping for at least it showing the same weight as the one I measured two days ago. This is why I hate going to weddings coz I tend to eat most everything served on the table. I don't know about you but at weddings or any other similar functions, I would choose the food I seldom have at home for example, I'd prefer the 'nasi lemak' or 'nasi minyak' or even 'nasi kebuli' (especially the one with lotsa beef shreads in it) over the plain rice. The reason? We seldom have these kinds of rice at home but plain rice. The consequence? The extra kg.

Similarly, I would choose beef of any dish, 'rendang' or 'black pepper', over sweet and sour fish. The reason? Mom cooks better but she seldom serves red meat or lambs at home. She always says they are next-to-forbidden food in the house. And when chicken korma is on the table, I won't miss my turn having the gravy on my plate of rice. Same excuse, mom says the korma dish has 'santan' or coconut milk in it so it's not healthy. But do I listen? Of course not. It always feels like a must-eat-have dish every time.

So, seeing the extra kg. is like seeing the fatter image of me in the mirror: one quick look then I turn away. In denial? Maybe. Regret? Guilty? Sure.

I feel fatter, heavier, uglier. You name it. I guess I am in my comfort zone now, being happy and all. Maybe the next I know, I am the fattest bride ever! Nightmare. But I just can't seem to stop munching and snacking those guilty pleasures food. I am just too happy to care about how I look now, though I know I'm gonna regret this when the big day is approaching nearer..

I am having my foot massage now, sneaking out my sister's Osim massage machine. My feet feel like they're swollen: fat and bulging. I guess they can hardly carry the heavier me around. I seriously need to slim down to have me feeling better the moment I step my foot on the ground, especially every early morning when I wake up. The pain is burning inside. Every time. I really have gained so much weight!

At the moment, I am attending a week's course on listening and speaking. It's too demanding and overwhelmingly squeezing my brain out. Today, I had a slight discomfort feeling at the lower part of my neck and shoulders. I knew then I shouldn't push my self too much at that session. Maybe the food intake that I'd had has finally shown its effect. I was scared actually but I knew I had to calm my self down and to take it easy. Anxiety won't help with that condition I was in. A quick nap during lunch break had made me feel a lot better. I knew then I should control my food intake from now on. Not for my looks, but for my health.

Ramadhan is coming, which means more good but fatty food. Surely more food intake. I should hold the temptation. I should!

1 comment:

Scrapper Maya said...

Oh dear...I think you know already some basic rules of calorie intake right? Actually you're doing pretty good. It just what you need is a partner to check on you. Maybe your sister, your cousin or anyone you trust to keep checking you everyday, regularly. You need people to say something to you.

So all I can say is, before you eat, take everything you like but in small portions. Enjoy it slowly, if you still hungry then have another go. But there'll be factors that make you don't want to have a 2nd helping...such as you'll see others have stop eating already..maybe you'll just put down your plate? Or you should ask yourself 'Am I still hungry?'

You really need a strong will darl. :) i wish you all the best & you will look fab in your wedding dresses ;)

I AM AN ARIES: The Daredevil (huh??)

Energetic (yea, in many ways)

Adventurous and spontaneous (definitely)

Confident and enthusiastic (yup!)

Fun (hmm ... I should ask my friends that!)

Loves a challenge (100%)

EXTREMELY impatient (well, I hate waiting. Does that count??)

Sometimes selfish (am I??)

Short fuse; easily angered (hell yeah!)

Lively, passionate and sharp wit (hmm ... No comment!)

Outgoing (for sure!)

Lose interest quickly - easily bored (most of the time)

Egostical (in some ways; my baby says "in MANY ways" LOL!!)

Courageous and assertive (I agree!)

Tends to be physical and athletic (hmm ... Naah!!)

Fun with your photos
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My engagement: 01.01.10

My engagement: 01.01.10
Suzila Ahmad

The engagement ring :)

A cake from him

For him

With my dad & Sharul's :)

With my mum and his :)

With two of my closest girlfriends: Azean & Yanti :)