Status: ...shocked...tired...demotivated...

Am sick of people around me who are soooo pretentious! I've wasted my trust on them, my respect on them bla bla bla. But at the same time I am forever grateful coz among these fake faces, there's one or two who'd stand up for me and fight for me, though I never asked them to.

Alhamdulillah. Allah knows best. He only tests His servants to their own limitations. In sadness and pain, I thank Him for His blessings. Thank you ya Allah...

I admit, I am sad. Shocked. Demotivated ... again. I tried to rise again and when I almost did, I got hit again. Backstabbed again. Now, by the one person I respected most. The one I adored. Someone I see as a 'mother'. A friend of my mum's. My mum is hurt too. We're speechless.

I am tired. Now, I am officially demotivated. I don't hate my job. I hate the fact that I've wasted my pure trust on someone and blindly let it crush and tear apart.

I rather have them, and her, say all their heart out to my face, than had to spend their precious time complaining about me to those people up there. What an effort to waste!

Why spent their time badmouthing me? Who am I that they so care about? Don't they know I am a NOBODY?? I am just a simple civilian who uses all her strength and drains her sweat to make ends meet.

I hope they quit. Coz I am tired. I wonder if they ever feel exhausted talking about me. I hope they stop. Coz it's not going anywhere.

Coz I am a NOBODY ... I mean it!

And now I wanna be away from all these mess. I want silence. I am broken. I need peace. I feel like crying but I got no more tears to cry. I got no more tears left after those repeating stabs. I've cried before. I think the tears are tired too. No more!

I got one place in mind, but I can't go there now *sigh*