I know how she feels. I was in her shoe before. Sometimes when I'm alone, I'd feel that my life is full of drama. A telenovela. Reminiscing my past relationships, I am thankful that I survive each and every one of it. Alhamdulillah. Years ago I felt that I wouldn't. I felt like dying even. Allah is Great. He gave me pain but he gave me life in the end. Alhamdulillah..
In 1992, I had a crush on a guy next door. You know, the monkey love thing. He liked me too and I was crazy about him. We rarely met but would be hanging on the phone for many hours after school. My mum liked him too coz his parents were my parents' college friends. 7 years of waiting, I was eventually his girlfriend. It was the happiest moment then. I was 19 and everything was beautiful. I paged him one day (there was no handphone yet but pager) and his girlfriend returned the message. She called and told me he's hers. I was hurt. The 7 years wait was wasted after only 7 days of relationship. He confessed and apologised. We remain friends now.
Heart broken, I met a guy soon after. It was him making the moves. I liked him at once. Maybe because I was lonely. He was true good to be true. But it didn't last long too. My heart was his till his wife wrote me a letter. Yes, his wife! I had no idea at all. It ended there of course but my heart was torn apart. Again. The wife understood. It was not the first time she said ..
Two years after that, I met another. I was cured then. Thanks to friends in Uni (you know who you are!). It was short too but very meaningful. He was different. He was special. But after three beautiful months, that one night, he called. Crying. His wedding was coming, he said. He was engaged and I was speechless ..
It was the greatest pain I had ever endured. I thought I would die. He said he met me too late. The engagement went on just days before we met. He cried and even begged me to promise to wait for him after 3 months of the wedding. He planned to divorce the wife!! Of course I said 'no'. Though I loved him, I could never do that to another woman, whom I knew was in my shoe too. He rang me up the night of his wedding and to prove his love to me, he left the wife that very night! Silly. I switched off my phone to stop his stupidity. He got the message.
It was painful. But nothing compared to the pain seeing him on the aisle with her .. Years and years I tried to heal, Sharul was there for me all along. He understood well as the third guy was his very own cousin. He knew he was hurt too.
It was love at first sight for Sharul. He knew I was healing so he gave me all the time that I needed. Even when we were finally together, he knew I was not giving him my whole because of what happened. I was trying to save the last piece of my heart, at least for my own. Yet he patiently waited for me. For that, I am forever thankful.
Alhamdulillah. Thank you Ya Allah for sending Sharul to me. Now I am happy. More than ever :')
Reading Izz's entries really break my heart. I know it's too much to bear. Nothing can stop the pain now and I wish I could say something that would heal the pain right away but I know .. I know nothing can do the job now. In her entry I left a lengthy comment anyway:
I wish she'd 'listen' and be strong now. So Izz, please remember, you will survive it. I did .. *hugs*