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Monday, 11 January 2010

The holding back

I drempt of Fluffy last night. She looked fine, clean and chubby. She was her usual self when she wondered of something that's beyond her vision yet remained still looking at me. She wasn't smiling (she never did) but happiness was shown in her clear blue eyes. The same look when she was teasing me when I was sleeping, her not knowing I was actually pretending.

Reminiscing this moment, I remember waking up one early morning when she brushed her little pink nose to mine. As I opened my eyes, she retreated and sat quietly looking all innocent. When I pretended going on sleeping, with both eyes slightly open, I saw her in her crouching position and ready to "attack" me again. I opened my eyes so suddenly. She screeched and turned away LoL! It was a funny moment that I woke up right away and hugged her. She loved that attention indeed as she let me kiss her all over her face.

In my dream, she just looked at me. So radiant. So happy. As I reached for her, I saw nothing around me but an empty bed. I actually looked around the room for her. I felt crazy and broke down crying to bed again, hoping for that dream to come true.

I didn't contact Sharul, asking how Fluffy is doing today. I held back that feeling. I have to. I love the kitten dearly but I am not ready to let her go. If she's meant to leave us .. then it's meant to be. I am not strong enough to see her go but I know I need to let her slip off my hands. So the ego side of me says, let go now. Let the pain flow now or it'll be more painful later.

So I intend to hold back this urge to see her or even know how she's doing. I must care less..

I miss Fluffy :'(


Princess Gizmo said...

I totally understand how u feel darl. Been there done that many time!! When I said many time, I really mean it.. *sigh* sabar ja ling ah..

Suzila A said...

Trying my best to .. :( thanks love.

Lulu said...

i understand, too... My rabbit abt 8yrs ago.. cried for two days :(

Anonymous said...

I inclination not acquiesce in on it. I assume warm-hearted post. Specially the appellation attracted me to read the sound story.

I AM AN ARIES: The Daredevil (huh??)

Energetic (yea, in many ways)

Adventurous and spontaneous (definitely)

Confident and enthusiastic (yup!)

Fun (hmm ... I should ask my friends that!)

Loves a challenge (100%)

EXTREMELY impatient (well, I hate waiting. Does that count??)

Sometimes selfish (am I??)

Short fuse; easily angered (hell yeah!)

Lively, passionate and sharp wit (hmm ... No comment!)

Outgoing (for sure!)

Lose interest quickly - easily bored (most of the time)

Egostical (in some ways; my baby says "in MANY ways" LOL!!)

Courageous and assertive (I agree!)

Tends to be physical and athletic (hmm ... Naah!!)

Fun with your photos
Created with - photo fun

My engagement: 01.01.10

My engagement: 01.01.10
Suzila Ahmad

The engagement ring :)

A cake from him

For him

With my dad & Sharul's :)

With my mum and his :)

With two of my closest girlfriends: Azean & Yanti :)