[Sigh!]

[Sigh!] ...

Been busy with work lately. It's just never over! I am exhausted and am still having the cough since I came back from KL last December. I just hope it's not serious, just a sign of tiredness and lack of rest ... So yea! My days were just the same. Woke up, got ready, went to work, meetings and more meetings, then home, more work then to bed at 2am. If work's not so much, my head'll hit the pillow at 11pm the earliest.

Yesterday afternoon I had my neuro treatment again. This time, she was trying to fix my back. My shoulders are much better now and my headaches are not attacking as frequent as before. The session was killing me people! She went up my back and stepped on me! Luckily she's small. Imagine if she's as fat as I am! It was a painful session really :( [Sigh!]

Back home, I worked on a report on the survey my committee had designed. Out of 300 respondents, we only got 126 replies. We discussed on the results at yesterday morning's meeting. I chaired the meeting. Apparently, it was not as difficult as I thought it'd be yet, the responsibility is big I must say. I talked to the chief and begged him to find someone else to take over the post, telling him I can't take it. He replied, "Why not?" [Sigh!]. He was actually hoping that I would keep the post as the Chairlady of the committee. "Why not?" C'mon sir! It's too big a repsonsibility for me to handle. I am just a lady afterall! [Sigh!]

We have got a replacement for the post left by the chairperson but since he's new, he can't handle the matter we're handling now. So as for now, I am the chairlady for the committee. Hope it'll be over soon. Can't do too much work now that I am still unwell [Sigh!] ...

Back to the report, I worked on it till 2am last night and woke up at 8am this morning, giving last touches on it before meeting my coleagues later at 2pm this afternoon. By 12pm, all was done so I took a quick nap, a pay off for a job done. The meeting lasted at 5.30pm [Sigh!]. Tiring yet I learned about my two coleagues I worked with today.

While working on the report, we had lunch and chit chatting. Of course! That's what ladies do when we're together ;) I learned M was naughty in her early phase while S was a Dangdut lover! M used to go to parties and 'gambus', caught and punished by her dad, while S is a traveler; she's going to London and Europe this coming June. The 'sharing session' continued when 'our love stories' topic brought up! M had two men trying to commit suicide when she left them; one of them was carrying her 'sirih junjung' on her wedding, S is going out with her long term boyfriend, behind her parents' back for 10 years! Of course I told them about 'my story' with Shahrul. I guess you know that already so I won't write about it here again ... [Sigh!]

I called Shahrul once I got on the car, planning to watch a movie but nothing good was on so I didn't see him today [Sigh!]. Driving home, I felt the unwanting feeling to go home just yet so I gave Mamashasha a ring. In the next 10 minutes, I was at her house playing with little Shasha. I went online and met Mo. We chatted for a bit and introduced him to Mamashasha. She has a cam so Mo finally saw me on cam today. Glad he was happy seeing me. He said Shasha was cute! Of course she is Mo! She's adorable!! Right Mama? ;)

Mo left to have lunch but I stayed online. Sulaiman signed in a few minutes later. It's been a while we didn't chat but it was time for dinner so I left. He said the salaam first then the chat continued. The feeling was still there when we chatted [Sigh!]. Mamashasha was warning me, reminding me to keep cool cause she knows what happened between me and Sulaiman in the past [Sigh!]. Indeed, now, it's affecting me ... Him saying I 'still have an effect on him' made me feel ... [Sigh!] ...

On the way home, the memories came to image and the hurting taunted me. Even now, the pain is still scratching inside [Sigh!]. Sometimes, when you just thought it's over, it actually never does till you come to notice how important someone is in your life [Sigh!]. The image of Shahrul came across too tonight. These men ... these two men ... have really affected my life yet I can't choose anyone of them either. I just don't have the power to do so ...

[Sigh!] ...