Coming from a broken family himself, "A" had learnt the fact of life in a marriage. When I asked whose fault it was (since he told me his dad had re-married), I was surprised when he said that both sides had their own flaws. He didn't point to anyone for this cost. As for myself, when I heard about divorce, it usually accompanied with anyone of the spouse having an affair (usually men) and divorced the wife/husband so he/she could marry another. I guess my idea of a broken marriage is just too limited.
"A" moved on to saying that he's not ready to settle down. His career is just too demanding. Another reason is ... He's seen so much conflicts in his friends' marriages so the idea of marriage has not reached his thought yet. So, of course I asked him multiple questions as he wasn't direct about what he meant by 'conflicts'. I guess my brain was a Pentium 2 that day erk!!
I was shocked when he shared with me his traumatic experiences on marriage, well of course not of his parents' but of his friends'. Most of his counterparts got married early. After a child or two, they got divorced saying that there was no understanding between them anymore. This case I usually hear, especially among Malaysian artists and poiticians. But what got me gawking was when he told me, with his sad traumatic expression, that some of his friends got divorced because they were having an affair with those of the same gender!! The men become gays, the women become lesbians.
I was speechless learning these.
"A" shook his head saying, "I was speechless too but I saw it Suzi. I witnessed all these ... Them going out with their boyfriends and girlfriends .. In love. It's just scary!!"
Indeed it was. It IS scary! This is the truth that I just learnt. Na'uzubillah!!
Then yesterday, I sat down with a colleague, "B", during lunch. She's a nice girl and soft spoken. I'm not saying I 'believe' what she's gossipping about "C", but what I'm trying to share here made me into thinking deep about marriage and its huge responsibilities.
"B" told me that "C" was not being honest with her marriage. "C" had an affair with a guy she knew online and slept with him, once. I was surprised of course! I knew "C" for a long time and she was so much in love with the hubby. Well, that was then I guess. It was even more shocking when "B" told me that "C's" hubby knew about this and he understood why she did that! I was like ......... What??
Apparently "C's" hubby went outstation on a long term professional course. She couldn't handle the loneliness so ..... Yea, I think I don't need to go into details with that erk!! Sharul and I actually witnessed "C" meeting up a guy years ago but we just left the scene seconds we saw it. We didn't wanna get involved in such situation. Besides, she was with a girl friend at that time. Hmm ... I leave the rest to you to think of that ...
It's shocking for me. All these facts are just too much to grasp into my innocent brain. Now I am scared to settle down myself. I guess I have got "A's" syndrome of "no marital status in 10 years time"! Honestly, I am so scared of marriage now. And with people around us, especially those with big mouths (like "B"), it's just traumatic!!
People's mouths can't be shut: the term we usually hear. True indeed! Why? This goes back to my topic on my friendship with guys. IF I ever get married, I am sure people around me and my husband-to-be will be talking about me befriending my circle of GUY friends and colleagues. The fact that I have more guy than girl friends, I am sure my so called marriage (in future) will not stand long enough. Yet I am sure with respect and trust between us, this won't happen :)
I do hope my future husband will be someone who listens and trusts me, respects me and accepts me the way I am. To my future hubby:
"I know you are out there waiting for me the way I am waiting for you. Patient my love. The day will come, when we meet and lay our eyes on each other. We'll fall in love right away I'm sure! You don't have to shake as me you can trust. I will be your loyal companion who will make you laugh and cry of happiness in our calm and serene home. I will draw that smile on your face each and everyday knowing you close your eyes with me besides you and open your eyes with gentle kisses. I will give babies in your arms and give them your name. I will be around when me you call and me you trust in. I will be your closest mate you always wish for and erase your agony anytime anyhow. My love ... I am here and I am forever waiting for you. I love you .."
I'm maybe scared of marriage now but I can foresee my marriage will be neverending. Happiness or sadness, trusts or no trusts, respects or no respects, true or lies ... I am sure these are there in every marriage. Whatever it is, doing the best for it is what every spouse should do.
Please God, protect those children from broken families. "A" is a life example of this ...