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Friday, 7 November 2008

Taboo? Or Not Anymore?

Just dropped by Supermummy's page. Weeks ago I had a rather surprising topic (for me personally) with a friend. My jaws dropped knowing some facts that he experienced and witnessed out there, especially among his circle of friends. And when I read Supermummy's thought and say about it just now, I was like ... Hmm ... I should share it too! I won't mention names here but just refer them with capital letters ..

Coming from a broken family himself, "A" had learnt the fact of life in a marriage. When I asked whose fault it was (since he told me his dad had re-married), I was surprised when he said that both sides had their own flaws. He didn't point to anyone for this cost. As for myself, when I heard about divorce, it usually accompanied with anyone of the spouse having an affair (usually men) and divorced the wife/husband so he/she could marry another. I guess my idea of a broken marriage is just too limited.

"A" moved on to saying that he's not ready to settle down. His career is just too demanding. Another reason is ... He's seen so much conflicts in his friends' marriages so the idea of marriage has not reached his thought yet. So, of course I asked him multiple questions as he wasn't direct about what he meant by 'conflicts'. I guess my brain was a Pentium 2 that day erk!!

I was shocked when he shared with me his traumatic experiences on marriage, well of course not of his parents' but of his friends'. Most of his counterparts got married early. After a child or two, they got divorced saying that there was no understanding between them anymore. This case I usually hear, especially among Malaysian artists and poiticians. But what got me gawking was when he told me, with his sad traumatic expression, that some of his friends got divorced because they were having an affair with those of the same gender!! The men become gays, the women become lesbians.

I was speechless learning these.

"A" shook his head saying, "I was speechless too but I saw it Suzi. I witnessed all these ... Them going out with their boyfriends and girlfriends .. In love. It's just scary!!"

Indeed it was. It IS scary! This is the truth that I just learnt. Na'uzubillah!!

Then yesterday, I sat down with a colleague, "B", during lunch. She's a nice girl and soft spoken. I'm not saying I 'believe' what she's gossipping about "C", but what I'm trying to share here made me into thinking deep about marriage and its huge responsibilities.

"B" told me that "C" was not being honest with her marriage. "C" had an affair with a guy she knew online and slept with him, once. I was surprised of course! I knew "C" for a long time and she was so much in love with the hubby. Well, that was then I guess. It was even more shocking when "B" told me that "C's" hubby knew about this and he understood why she did that! I was like ......... What??

Apparently "C's" hubby went outstation on a long term professional course. She couldn't handle the loneliness so ..... Yea, I think I don't need to go into details with that erk!! Sharul and I actually witnessed "C" meeting up a guy years ago but we just left the scene seconds we saw it. We didn't wanna get involved in such situation. Besides, she was with a girl friend at that time. Hmm ... I leave the rest to you to think of that ...

It's shocking for me. All these facts are just too much to grasp into my innocent brain. Now I am scared to settle down myself. I guess I have got "A's" syndrome of "no marital status in 10 years time"! Honestly, I am so scared of marriage now. And with people around us, especially those with big mouths (like "B"), it's just traumatic!!

People's mouths can't be shut: the term we usually hear. True indeed! Why? This goes back to my topic on my friendship with guys. IF I ever get married, I am sure people around me and my husband-to-be will be talking about me befriending my circle of GUY friends and colleagues. The fact that I have more guy than girl friends, I am sure my so called marriage (in future) will not stand long enough. Yet I am sure with respect and trust between us, this won't happen :)

I do hope my future husband will be someone who listens and trusts me, respects me and accepts me the way I am. To my future hubby:

"I know you are out there waiting for me the way I am waiting for you. Patient my love. The day will come, when we meet and lay our eyes on each other. We'll fall in love right away I'm sure! You don't have to shake as me you can trust. I will be your loyal companion who will make you laugh and cry of happiness in our calm and serene home. I will draw that smile on your face each and everyday knowing you close your eyes with me besides you and open your eyes with gentle kisses. I will give babies in your arms and give them your name. I will be around when me you call and me you trust in. I will be your closest mate you always wish for and erase your agony anytime anyhow. My love ... I am here and I am forever waiting for you. I love you .."

I'm maybe scared of marriage now but I can foresee my marriage will be neverending. Happiness or sadness, trusts or no trusts, respects or no respects, true or lies ... I am sure these are there in every marriage. Whatever it is, doing the best for it is what every spouse should do.

Please God, protect those children from broken families. "A" is a life example of this ...


ANIH said...

hye der again,,

Fuhh lama na ku mlawat blog ani nah mcm2 isu sdh ah.. Arh supa mummy, arh my sis and u! huhu~

Yeah yeah marriage life.. the life that banyak kan dceritakan.. nda pandai berhabis sis.. Sal atu tah ktaku Love ani kinda commitment & responsibility mksud nya sampai th k,kawen tu sis.. Mun sdh ada rasanya 85% ready kawen tah.. tapi banggg! sdh masuk alam perkahwinan ani macam2 kan dirasai.. ups and down.. a2 kira ibarat kitani berperang jua..

so many thing to xplain lah.. dari soal hati, perasaan, neglected, skandal, macam2 lah.. Ternyata manusia ani boleh berubah sekelip mata and yg realiti lagi bukan semua pasangan kitani boleh dibawa berunding..

Everything happened for a reason yg nda dpt diungkap kan dari kata-kata.. yang merasa saja yang tahu sis, walau yang dibuat atu complicated. Yang penting akal fikiran kitani yang matang, tahu batas tertentu, tahu siapa diri ani. Kadang2 yg sdh rasa kana aniaya. mudah kan membalas mun sdh hati sakit.. Ytah alum ku faham tu.. mungkin karma jua..

A bit complicated sis comment ku ani.. hope u understand ah. Nanti ku m,post arh blog ku bila my mental stable sis ah.. masa ani quite blur ckit sis.. huh.. Tapi jgn pulang u takut kan kawen eyh. haha. Siuk kawen ani bagi pasangan yang tahu menghargai. Bertawakal sis. Nda semua orang merasa nasib yang sama..

Tapi sis, bagi ku.. payah kan mencari HATI MANUSIA YANG TETAP SAMA NDA, BERUBAH MENGIKUT PEREDARAN ZAMAN.. Lucky lah siapa mendapat.. bukan nda bersyukur dengan jodoh Tuhan ah.. tapi nyatanya seseorang yang terlampau baik atu bukan jadi milik kitani..

suzila a said...

Hi again sista! ;)

Yea. Actually I'm kinda afraid to post my thought about this topic here. If I didn't read Supermummy's page this morning, I wouldn't have the guts to share it with all here. I guess it's not a taboo topic to talk about anymore now ya ...

I am scared of marriage, yes I do. As you said, hearts change in a second before you know it. Like "C" here .. She was soooo much in love with the hubby before. Look at her now! Gosh! How I wish "B" didn't tell me that! That info was just ... I dunno ah! Scary banarr!!

Well anyway, I have not experienced the life of marriage yet but I guess, listening to others' complaining and thanking God for it somehow makes my head to thinking ... Will mine be as bad ... or as good?? Allah knows best. For sure, I am waiting for that Mr. Right and I pray that he will be the one who will bring happiness to me and my children nanti :)

"tapi nyatanya seseorang yang terlampau baik atu bukan jadi milik kitani.."

Yes. I'm still holding on to my past with Sharul. 6 Years of fighting for him but still hasn't changed my parents' decision. Sigh~ He might be the best for me but I guess the "real" best one is still out there looking for me. I choose to believe that. Allah only decides the best for His servants. If Sharul is not for me, I bow to that, though my heart breaks into pieces. I am just a servant who seek His mercy ..

Life is complicated, yes. And marriage is just one of the many things that life carries.

Supermummy said...

Hi Suzi..banyak banar nya kata-kata Ka Anih atu..awu nda seua urg menerima nasib yang sama. Tawakal saja..insyallah tuhan selalu sedia kan yang terbaik untuk yang terbaik.

Bila ku membaca text mu yang warna merah ah..uwaaa belaing mataku,rawan ati ku,sungguh ikhlas pesen Suzi ani nyangku hehe. Mudahan satu hari nanti apa yang ko impikan tecapai..amin yarabbal alamin.

Nanti ah,insyallah tunggu things settle down tani minum-minum (eh minum saja nda kan nda makan kekeke)mencari ilham yang dapat menyemangatkan hidup yang penuh liku ani wesheh hehehe..

Bah sis senyum selalu,thank you for everything. Asalamualaikum. mmwwahhh mmwwaahh..

I AM AN ARIES: The Daredevil (huh??)

Energetic (yea, in many ways)

Adventurous and spontaneous (definitely)

Confident and enthusiastic (yup!)

Fun (hmm ... I should ask my friends that!)

Loves a challenge (100%)

EXTREMELY impatient (well, I hate waiting. Does that count??)

Sometimes selfish (am I??)

Short fuse; easily angered (hell yeah!)

Lively, passionate and sharp wit (hmm ... No comment!)

Outgoing (for sure!)

Lose interest quickly - easily bored (most of the time)

Egostical (in some ways; my baby says "in MANY ways" LOL!!)

Courageous and assertive (I agree!)

Tends to be physical and athletic (hmm ... Naah!!)

Fun with your photos
Created with - photo fun

My engagement: 01.01.10

My engagement: 01.01.10
Suzila Ahmad

The engagement ring :)

A cake from him

For him

With my dad & Sharul's :)

With my mum and his :)

With two of my closest girlfriends: Azean & Yanti :)