Speak the mind out

Nothing much has happened since the night I learnt my lesson in my so called 'strong' relationship with the boyfriend. But I do realise something out of this.

1. I no longer hit my "don't disturb me now or you'll die" mood around the house. I spent my time busying with stuff. I did many things in just a few days that I lost count of the days of the 'silent treatment'.

2. I don't talk much. Just be in my own small world. Reading helps mending the broken heart, though tears did fall when the pages revealed the hero's romantic thoughts. I was even wishing the boyfriend was around reading it with me too, though I was still ignoring his every 5 minutes calls. How odd!

3. Weirdly, I couldn't write to let go of the anger in me this time. I couldn't think of a single line, until now. No thoughts. No poem. Just silly lines like in the previous entry. Reading it again just now made my eyes pop! I 'hated' him that much this time.

4. The meet up with him last night was also different. He did try to make it easy with the whole thing and I was just acting like nothing had happened between us. So again, we didn't talk about what had made us draw 'the gap' between us the past few days. The weirdest part was, we walked in silence (from Big Papa's in Qlap to The Qlap Mall), me leading the walk and he had to catch up. Something we had never done before. It was a different feeling. Very different.

The heart needs time to heal. Does he realise it? Maybe. Does he learn from it? I'm not so sure. Are we getting stronger? Can I move on with this relationship that may or may not stay static? God knows. Am I hoping? Not anymore. No more ..

I am lost. My heart is empty. I feel nothing but emptiness. Yet I stay focus in whatever I think should. My heart comes second now. And my mind is speaking out. But I do love him.

Do I??