The confession

I am still down with the flu. In class, kids came up to my desk with their test papers. I shooed them away, saying I didn't want 'my' virus to infect them. In a second, the circle broke and a boy, wide eyed said: "Teacher has swine flu?!!" Gawd! Kids can be so innocent with their remark. I replied: "No lah! Go away or you'll get the flu too!!" All laughed to that *sigh* I hate being sick ..

Reading a friend's blog just now, I remember the confession Sharul made to me last night while driving me home. I was weak and dizzy, hardly listening but I tried to pay attention. Remember the entry when I was so heart broken weeks ago? As I said, we never talked about whatever that created our dozens fights. We dropped them. And I believe this is one of the many reasons why we're still strong together. Well, the last fight we had was the worst. Sharul had confessed and now the pain has lessen. Seagull, here it is.

That night, we had supper. Mum had finally given in, from what I'd seen. She had been asking me to book a place for the wedding next year (I told mum that I won't have my wedding at home since there's very limited parking space). So, I had planned on it, of course I needed Sharul to be part of the planning too. So, the weeks were all occupied with the wedding plans. Sharul, on the other hand, did not seem to show enthusiasm. I sensed it but I was too busy with my dream wedding. Girls do that, don't we girls!

So that Saturday night we went out, the weekend that I usually 'booked' myself for him since we only meet once or twice a week. All I talked about was the wedding. He nodded. No comment came, except a few 'Yes'es and 'Hmm's. Till that supper time, when I asked him the question:

"So, when are we going to book the place? For the wedding? They said it's better now or we won't get a date."

He grumbled. That face .. (it still breaks my heart seeing that expression *sigh*) ..

"We talked about this!! STOP WHINING!!" he said ..

I was shocked. I didn't expect that coming from him. Tears streaming down my face. I couldn't control it. No matter how hard I tried to remain calm, I couldn't. My heart shattered with that sharp tearing reply he said. I faced away from him. Luckily we were sitting next to each other so I guess he didn't realise the tears on my cheeks. I left the table soon as my food came, storming into the restroom. It was locked, someone was inside. But nobody was around so there, I cried my heart out. I couldn't stop. I wished I could cause I didn't want him to know. Or he'd call me a whiny bitch!

We emptied our plates in silence. I sensed others' eyes on us. Maybe cause they realised the sudden change. I was all smiley when we entered the restaurant but the next minute, I was crying. How absurd! Sharul seemed to realise that too. He did try to make conversation, with a lower tone this time. Maybe he saw the tears, I don't know. I was too busy calming myself.

The drive home was quiet. So as the rest of the week as the silent treatment continued. The wedding topic was never mentioned ever since.

Last night, after having the hot soup (cause of the fever), Sharul drove me home. Between drowsiness, he confessed. And I began to understand ..

He said he knew he had made me miserable.
He said he knew he had deeply hurt my feelings.
He said he knew he was wrong.
He admitted. It was a mistake.
It wasn't intentional, he added. I was just quiet.
He kissed my forehead when we said goodbye ..
"I love you," he said.

Now, he's forgiven. The wedding? We'll see to that ..