Anyway, after sungkai, we drove home straight away. By 9pm, my aunts and cuzzies dropped by our place bringing ovens and ingredients for the 'Tapak Kuda' cake. An hour ago, I just finished rolling the 15th roll of the Nutella-filling cake. Fuhh! It's tiring but a satisfaction all at the same time. My aunts brought home 9 rolls each.
In between baking, and all the hassles in the kitchen, I couldn't help thinking of Sharul. He loves the cake as he's the biggest fan of Nutella. I remember him telling me over the phone what he had had for breakfast when he was in Perth 4 years ago ~ Nutella sandwich. Back then, he was taking his Pre-Diploma in ICT. When he got back the year after, the Tapak Kuda cake had just been introduced so recently at that time that my mum would separate a few rolls for him to take home. It was when she still adored him though but now ... Sigh~
Reminiscing these, I couldn't help but wondering how it'd feel like showing him how to bake the cake. I'm sure he'd love to learn how to do so. I remember when I first taught him how to cook Spagetti and Lasagna. He was so eager to learn and was really handy in the kitchen. His mum and sisters would also sit around and chit-chat with us, most of the time would cut in and do some help. It was nice seeing those images in my head, but inside .... Sigh~~
I miss him a lot lately. Maybe cause Raya is coming. The past 6 years, he'd be around helping me choosing patterns of cloth for my Baju Kurung or Kebaya. He never likes the crampy designs. He always prefers the spacious ones, mostly without flowers. He hates the big fat flowers and never favours pink or red. For 6 years, we always had matching Raya outfit, usually blue and grey, our favourite colours. The same colour themes we had planned to have for our wedding. Now it is just a memory .... Sigh ~~~
Again, this year, I'm celebrating Raya without him. To be honest, I am not really looking forward for the day. I was thankful last year really cause I was busy marking the exam paper during the first few weeks of Raya so I could excuse myself from going to visit friends, alone. This year, it'd be a lot different cause the big exam will only start on the third week of Raya so it means that .... Sigh ~~~~
Please God ... I still love him. Please help me forget him so I won't be hurting anymore ....