*That* Feeling

What happened today had made me realise something rather .... hmm .... can't find the exact word really. I'll just let it flow here ...

At around 11am, I got a shocking news from Yanti: my mum's cousin passed away. Innalillahi Wainnailaihi Rajiu'unn ... I was shocked cause when I last saw him, he looked fine, though I had heard that he was suffering from diabetes. We had a short conversation on how sudden he had left this world ...

I got home before 2pm fetching up my parents. Dad drove separately cause I gotta go back to work later on, while mum followed me. As we reached Sengkurong, cars assembled along the road. As we walked on, rows of students in Religious School uniform walked ahead. Their teachers were among them too. As we stepped into the gloomy house, we could hear recital of Quranic verses. My mum and I then took our seats near the daughter of my late uncle. She had just given birth to her second child last Friday. The next hour, she told mum her late dad's past moments with them ...

He was all fine the night before. Being laughable with her husband and even went out to visit his friends. He was so fine that his loss the next morning shocked the whole household. He passed away in his sleep. As she mentioned her youngest brother, she shed a tear as he was at that time sitting for his PMB Exam ...

As the body was carried into the living room, the recital of Surah Al-Falaq was repeatedly read. Behind the curtain, the body was wrapped with the Kafan cloth. Before the mass prayer, my late uncle's eldest son stood in the middle of the room, introducing himself to those at present and asking for forgiveness from everybody if ever his late father had done wrongly to them. His prayers for the soul to be accepted among those under His mercy and blessing was followed with "Amin" by everybody. Soon after, the females stood up giving space to the males for the Prayer. I couldn't help crying as I saw Nini Piah looked on his late son's body, while others bid goodbyes. He was her second child that had passed away. The first was a few years ago, her first daughter.

The room was crowded for a while and at this particular moment, I saw my dad among the males upfront. My heart beat stopped and my eyes froze on him. I had to lean on the nearby wall to keep standing on my feet. My heart whispered: I don't think I can bear losing him. Then I looked at my mum next to me, who was standing quietly. Her lips were moving, reciting the prayers. My heart voiced out again: I don't think I can bear losing her ... My eyes watered as I shook the feelings away ...

My aunt walked through the females now and she asked forgiveness from us on behalf of her late husband. Our hugs made her tears flow down her cheeks. As she left us, I could hear her mumbled her youngest son's name as she looked at the clock on the wall. It showed 3:20pm and he was still not home. I don't think he could answer the questions in the paper after what happened ...

Al-Fatihah was recited again for a few times as the body was carried to the van awaiting outside. My aunt was now in the van. She was going to send him off. She was strong ...

I rushed back to work and got there just by 4:15pm. On the way, I couldn't kick that feeling away. The feeling I had felt as I looked at my parents ... I can never stand the loss of my loved ones. It'll kill me ...

Innalillahi Wainnailaihi Rajiu'unn ... From Him we came and to Him we shall return eventually ...


PS: I felt so touched as I overheard my late uncle's daughter told us his will to be buried in Lubok Pulau, Tutong graveyard at one time before. Fullfilling his last wish, he was buried there today. I pray that his soul be accepted and placed with those under His mercy and blessing, Aminnn ... Al-Fatihah ...